“She’s isn’t going anywhere. I will make it work. I want extra security brought in.” Nikolai nods, knowing all this already. He can see through me these days.
The car comes to a stop in front of the house. I exhale trying to contain my excitement at having her home but also to control the emotions that are hitting me hard. Everyone climbs out and waits while I wake Ava.
“Hey. We’re home, Ava.” She stirs in my lap before her eyes open.
“Already?” The little squeak in her voice makes me smile.
“You’ve been asleep for a long time. I have a doctor here to check on you.” I called ahead and had the doc come in. He isn’t leaving until he feels she is well enough. I pay him a high price to care for this family and I know he will do just that.
“You don’t have to do all of this for me.” Yeah, her head is messed up worse than I thought.
“They really messed that little head up if you doubt for one second that I would only have the best for you.” Ava sits up before I capture her lips with mine. She doesn’t stop me and for that I’m ecstatic.
“Come on.” Pulling away from her mouth is like cutting off my arm. I don’t want to lose that connection at all. I step out before helping Ava, pulling her into my side. Her eyes light up as she takes in the house in front of her. I don’t know if she remembers it or that she’s seeing it for what feels like the first time.
Either way, I don’t care.
Wrapping my arm around her waist, I lead her toward the steps when she stops. Her body stiffens beneath me right when I hear her gasp.
“Cord. Where is my baby? Where is my little girl?”
She’s hysterically yelling as she looks at the spot I found Amelia. She has to be thinking of her.
“Everything’s going to be okay, Ava. You’ll remember in your own time.” Trying to comfort her, I don’t want to be the one to tell her that Amelia is gone. I want her to remember that on her own. Maybe I’m a coward for not wanting to tell her. I’d like to think that I’m protecting how fragile she is right now.
“No, she has to be here, Cord! Where is she?” Her screams only get louder, more hysterical. The front door flies open as I try to wrap my arms around her.
“Hold her still.” The doctor speaks as he fills a syringe. I nod knowing that he’s going to try and calm her. Squeezing my arms around her, I try to soothe her, but this is new territory for me.
“Shh. You’re going to be okay.” It’s killing me. It’s tearing me apart piece, by fucking piece.
“Cord, please.” The drugs flow through her system as her eyes flutter. My grip on her tightens as her little body goes limp in my arms. I lift her, cradling her to my chest as the Doc speaks.
“She’ll be out for a while. Brain injuries can fluctuate things. If she’s remembering something, it may just be too stressful for her right now.” I nod my head as I look down at her long blonde hair trailing over my arm. She looks peaceful in her sleep.
“Take her to bed and I’ll look at that arm.” Nodding toward the wound I forgot I even had, I nod. I make my way past everyone and into the house. Such a surreal feeling passes over me. It’s been so long since I’ve had Ava in my arms like this. It’s been even longer since I’ve felt this kind of peace. I take the stairs two at a time eager to get her in bed, in my arms. I hate that her first night home has to be like this. I wanted her awake. I wanted to see those beautiful blue eyes. I kick the door closed behind me before moving toward the bed. Lying her down gently, she looks so perfect.
My chest tightens with thoughts of the past and future. They collide in ways they shouldn’t be able to. I take my time and slowly undress her, getting her out of the garbage the hospital had put her in. Once I have her completely naked, I strip out of my clothes too. Crawling into bed next to her, I wrap her in my arms and breathe in her scent. So much lost time that I can never get back. So much regret. I hate it all, but I still think I did what was right.
Didn’t I?
Chapter 38
Sleep never came last night as much as I wished it had. I’m losing strength with every day that passes. Doc stitched my arm up before checking on Ava. Overall, he said she looks good for what she’s been through. I can’t say that I agree with him, but he would know best. I brush her hair away from her face before her eyes open, locking on mine. She seems content.
“You’re still here.” Her groggy voice makes my heart leap.
“Where else would I go?” Leaning in closer, I brush my lips over hers. So soft, yet broken.
“I remember you.” I gasp at her words. She remembers me.
“What do you remember?” A part of me is afraid to ask, but the other part needs to know.
“Everything. I remember the way you kissed me. The way you would look at me like I was the only person you saw. I remember you, Cord.” Her eyes fill with tears. My heart swells bigger than I ever thought it could.
“Do you remember how much I love you?” Pleading words come from my throat. I need to know that she knows this.
“I remember you pushing me away, but I understand why you did. I know you love me, Cord.” God, just hearing her say it sets my body at ease. She doesn’t realize just how much those words mean to me.
“I never wanted to let you go, Ava. I knew I had to.” Pressing my forehead to hers, I can’t breathe.
“I know. Promise me you won’t push me away again, Cord. I don’t think I could handle it.” Her sobs eat at me. As much as I know what I’m about to say is a bad idea, I can’t help it.
“Never. I’m never letting you go again.” Ava leans up pressing her lips to mine before pulling me closer.
“I need you.” Her whispers against my mouth send heat flooding through me.
“You’re hurt, Ava. You need to heal.” Our lips brush together as our breathing mingles as one.
“No, Cord. I need to feel you.” Who am I to deny something so beautiful what she wants? I keep my lips near hers as I slide my hand between her legs.
So wet, and ready for me.
“I’ve missed you so much.” My words make her body shiver.
Positioning myself between her legs, I slide into her slowly. Her breath catches in her throat as her head tips back. The slow motion of my hips sends chills throughout my body. I never thought I’d feel her wrapped around me like this again. After I’ve had my fill of her, we settle in silence that lasts for days. Days of having her in my arms is heaven.
I grab Ava’s personal things off the chair where Nikolai left them when we brought Ava home. It’s been a few days, and all seems settled. Ava has calmed slightly as her memories slowly return. It does my heart good to see her smiling as much as she is right now.
“Here’s your phone. I didn’t think you wanted your clothing.” Passing Ava the phone, she smiles up at me.
“I don’t want the clothes. I like being in nothing.” The fire in her gaze calls to me.
“I like you in nothing, too. I have to go to a meeting. Jordy is going to stay back with you today,” I tell her. Ava’s smile fades slightly. I know she doesn’t want me to go but this is important.