“Spit it out, Wade. Whatever you need to say, just say it.”
“Sir, I know you’re my boss and I would never disrespect you but for this one moment let’s pretend you’re not. I could never understand what went wrong and why Miss Stewart left so suddenly. I came back from my weekend off to find her gone and nobody was allowed to say her name. It’s all become very clear now. That little girl is obviously yours and the reason we flew to Perth in the first place and if I’m not wrong the reason Miss Stewart disappeared. I don’t know what you did but I can only guess you were stupid and selfish. I used to think I was proud to work for a man such as you but I can no longer say that. You have kept things from me and everyone else. You should have told me, as your head of security you didn’t think I had to know you had a child out there. What if someone had found out and tried to use her against you? For five years you have kept this secret. You should have told me. I have kept a secret for you for two years now because you asked me to, against my better judgment. If things had turned out differently I would have had no clue of her existence. I cannot do my job effectively without all the facts. That is all, Sir.”
I don’t know if he’s more pissed at the fact that I didn’t trust him enough to tell him about Alannah and the baby or that I wasn’t in their lives. What’s one more person hating me?
“You’ve said your piece and you’re right about everything. However it’s more complicated than that. I promise you full disclosure going forward and, Wade I do appreciate you not saying anything to anyone.” He only nods back at me before turning to exit the plane.
In my bed that night I fall asleep staring at a photo of Alannah and Charlotte. The two and only most important people in my family right at this moment. I have a lot to make amends for. If Alannah never forgives me I can’t really blame her can I. I really showed her what kind of a monster I am.
I spend Monday catching up on work and call my mother around lunch time. I ask her to get the family together tonight and that I need to talk to them all. It’s safe to say she was at first shocked that I called and wanted to visit when I have kept my distance for so long. She started worrying that something was wrong until I insisted it wasn’t. It’s time I told them about Charlotte. She’s going to be a permanent part of my life and hopefully her mother as well.
My hands are sweating as I walk into my parent’s house that evening. I need to be prepared for whatever they throw my way. My mother was so happy when I announced that Alannah and I were getting married, she was so afraid I was going to end up alone because I was married to my job and nearing my thirties, but then afterwards when I refused to explain anything about our break up I could see the disappointment, sadness and confusion in her eyes every time she looked my way. Nobody could understand. I know it took a lot for her to not hound and question me and over time I just stayed away for longer and longer periods of time. I spent more and more time over at the London office just to avoid my family. I couldn’t be around them. I know that makes me a shitty son and brother but I am who I am and it was easier to stay away.
To be perfectly honest I’m surprised Alannah hadn’t gone to my family in all this time. She could have thrown me under the bus at any time. I’m positive they will all take her side once they hear what I have to say.
Appearing in the doorway of the family room I notice everyone is already here. My parents and younger sister are laughing at something. I clear my throat to gain their attention before saying hello and taking a seat on the couch on the opposite side of the room. The room is silent, everyone expectantly waiting on me. I rub my hands over my face then over my thighs. There is no easy way to say it. I just need to do it as quickly as possible.
“Son.” My dad greets me.
“Nick.” My sister leans back in her seat, crossing her arms.
“What’s going on?” My mother smiles encouragingly at me.
“There’s something important I need to tell you all and I hope you can understand and not hate me for it. The reason Alannah and I broke up and she left. The morning of that day she told me that she was pregnant and I reacted very badly to the news. Years ago I had a vasectomy because I didn’t want to have children on account of the heart condition I carry. I couldn’t risk passing it on. I didn’t believe her. I didn’t believe that the baby was mine and I accused her of cheating on me. At the time I never knew that the vasectomy had the chance of reversing itself. I kicked her out and haven’t seen or spoken to her for the last five years, until this past weekend. I have a daughter. She’s four years old and gorgeous. Her name is Charlotte. I’m sorry for not telling you any of this earlier. I was too angry at first and afterwards when I realised my mistake I was too ashamed.”
I hear the gasps from my parents and sister when I finish speaking. My mother rises from her spot and comes to stand in front of me. I also stand before her. If looks could kill I would be dead at her feet in this moment. Mary Moore is not a lady you want to upset, she has a way of making you feel terrible for letting her down. You never want to see her look at you with disappoint. Except that’s what I’m witnessing right now.
“How could you? How could you be so selfish and stupid? That girl loved you. I thought you felt the same way. Didn’t you even care enough to have a DNA test to make sure one way or another first? Alannah of all people, Nicholas? You accused her of being unfaithful to you. I thought I knew you better. No wonder you never told us the real reason you two broke up and she just disappeared. And what do you mean you had a vasectomy?” She starts to pace back and forth across the room. “That girl was the best thing that ever happened to you and you threw her away. Oh my God, I cannot believe this. I should have tried harder to track her down. When did you realise you were wrong after all?”
“Two years ago. I had a medical check-up and the doctor asked for a sperm sample.” I admit quietly not making eye contact.
My mother looks at me stunned.
“Two years? It’s taken you this long to go to her and tell us. Why, Nicholas? Why on this earth have you waited so long?”
“It’s complicated, mother.”
“Then UN-COMPLICATE IT,” she screams. “I have a granddaughter. What does she look like? I want to meet her. Where has she been?”
“Alannah has been living in Perth with her mother.
My sister jumps up, fury pouring out of her tiny body, directed at me.
“You lied to me. Every time I asked you about Alannah you specifically told me she wanted nothing to do with our family and I couldn’t understand why. I loved her like my own sister. I am so hurt by this and you.”
“Mel-” I don’t get the chance to reply as my sister runs out of the room. Mel was close to Alannah and couldn’t wait to be her sister. She was devastated when I advised the family that the wedding was off. She often called me wanting to know what happened and where Alannah was, until I exploded at her and basically told her to stay out of my life, which is what she essentially did. Another deed to add to my list of fuck ups.
“I thought I raised you to always do the right thing, to know right from wrong, to be honest and respectful, to always put family first, but you are selfish, because those two are family.” My mother continues her lecture. “Alannah and Charlotte are family but obviously I failed somewhere along the line. I have never been so disappointed.” She points her finger at me, eyes glaring and mouth a thin line. “You are going to give me her phone number so I can speak to Alannah and get me in the same room as my granddaughter as soon as possible. It seems we have all let her down.” Done yelling at me she spins on her heel, leaving the room and me standing there feeling small.