Outside the hotel’s revolving doors he places a half asleep Charlie in my arms.
“Do you need any help with her?”
“No I’ve got it, thanks.”
“I’ll be here in the morning to pick you up and take you both out for breakfast if that’s okay, then we’ll spend some time together, maybe out at the marina if the weather is nice enough, show Charlotte the boats before heading over to my parent’s house.”
“Whatever you want, Nick, this is your weekend to spend time with Charlotte however you wish.” He rubs her back and kisses her cheek while I’m holding her.
“Guess what? Tomorrow I’m going to show you the house where I grew up. It has a huge backyard we can play catch in. Would you like that?” She nods her head at him, too tired to do any more than that.
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Alannah and thanks again.”
I turn away making my way inside. He stands out there on the sidewalk until we disappear into the elevator looking dejected. As much as I hated him and am angry with him it still hurts seeing him like that. I’m not a mean person relishing in someone else’s pain. Ever since he showed up he really has made a tremendous effort. I can’t fault him in that respect.
Don’t let yourself soften Alannah just because you’re back here. Nothing has changed.
Chapter 16
Nicholas
I’ve been stressed to the max this month. I have so many fucking deals happening at once, designs that need to be completed, I have paperwork coming out of my ears and half of my employees decided to catch the fucking flu now of all times and leave me with little to no help. I’m functioning on a maximum of four hours of sleep a night and exhausted. The only good thing has been my nightly chats with my daughter. She doesn’t fail to put a smile on my face. I’ve missed her terribly.
I honestly didn’t believe I had a chance in hell of getting Alannah to come here, that I would have had to argue more to convince her, but she surprised me. She has surprised me with everything since I showed up on her doorstep when it comes to me spending time with Charlotte. I’m grateful to her for not making things more difficult. The last thing I would want was to fight with her and have our daughter caught in the middle. I’m going to be positive about her flying here and take it as a step in the right direction.
Leaving them at their hotel I take my time walking home. It’s not far and I need the fresh air to help clear my head after dinner. They’re both so close yet so far. Last night I couldn’t sleep after I got off the phone with Alannah. A drunk Alannah is usually funny and full of laughter but not this time. I hated hearing how upset she was over the phone. She was unable to hide her raw emotions. I really have no idea what she went through, including the fact she was in hospital, that she endured the fear and uncertainty of losing the baby all on her own. I’m thankful it didn’t come to that but once again the blame sits solely with me. She needs more time to open up to me and I’ll give it to her, but how much time are we talking here?
If I’m honest with myself, deep down I was always afraid that I would do something to ruin things because I wasn’t good enough for her, that happiness doesn’t last and I proved myself right. I was a major dick but I’m determined to change that. Is that why it was so easy for me to push her away, because I thought I was better off alone even if my heart felt dead without her. I couldn’t hurt any more than I already did right?
Tomorrow should be interesting. My mother is hoping that by having the whole family there it will clear the air and allow us to move on. I’m not so sure it will turn out the way she wants. There’s only one way to find out.
I pick Alannah and Charlotte up in the morning and take them to Pancakes on the Rocks for breakfast. My mother would bring us there every school holidays. I would order the devil’s delight chocolate pancakes, covered in sauce, strawberries and ice-cream every time and I want to share the experience and food with Charlotte since she’s here.
After breakfast I drive us down to the marina at Double Bay. There’s not a cloud in the sky, it’s a perfect day to be out and about. I made sure to bring some bread with me so Charlotte can feed the local ducks. Walking along the wooden jetty, Charlie is amazed by the harbour bridge visible from our location.
“It’s so big. I’ve only seen pictures of it or on TV.”
“Do you want to see it up close?”
“Can we?” Her grey eyes widen in wonder.
“You bet. I have a surprise.”
We continue walking past all the boats and yachts until we end up at my own. The second, well now third, love of my life. I’m holding Charlotte’s hand as Alannah trails slowly behind us.
“You bought the boat?” Alannah exclaims with eyes and mouth wide.
“I bought the boat.”
When we were dating I hired this exact small yacht for a day out on more than one occasion. When the opportunity to purchase it presented itself to me, I jumped at the chance. I’ve always loved the sea and the freedom of being out on the water. I point out the Belle of the Sea, to Charlotte, telling her it’s mine and that we can go on board.
“The boat has a girl’s name?” She scrunches her cute little nose up at me.
“It does. We can change the name if you don’t like it.” She takes a moment to consider it.
“No, Belle’s a princess, it can stay.”
“Let’s go then, Belle’s waiting.”
We take three steps and she stops walking, afraid to get on.
I kneel down in front of her. “What’s wrong pumpkin?”
“What if we crash and sink?” Her eyes large and round.
“Daddy will be right here to protect you. Don’t be scared, besides the boat is very strong and we’re not going to sink. I can guarantee it.”
“But there’s sharks in the water.”
“I promise to keep them all far away from you. I can be very scary, the sharks won’t come near us but we may see a dolphin.”
She looks back at her mother for reassurance then reaches her arms up to me, wanting to be carried. Stepping on board I grab and put a child’s life jacket on Charlie then take our places at the helm. She loves it. I sit her on my lap and let her be captain and steer the boat, we pretend to be pirates looking for treasure. Her childish laugh the best sound I have ever heard. As we glide under the bridge, she lets out a low “wow”, her small neck craning back so much I’m afraid she’s going to pull a muscle.
After being out for an hour my eyes travel to Alannah. She’s been quiet, standing at the railing, with shoulders sagged looking out at the water. This boat holds lots of memories for us, one of them being when we had taken it out for a long weekend and anchored away from the world. We were in the water enjoying a swim. I was holding her up in my arms, her legs around my waist when I asked her to marry me. It wasn’t planned, hell I didn’t even have a ring but I went with what I was feeling that day.
“You are so damn beautiful.” I nuzzle her neck. “You make me feel alive and happy and are everything I never thought I wanted or would have. I love you, Lana.”