My eyes filled with fresh tears and his gaze softened. Heat bloomed in my cheeks from the blood pumping through my veins. I was scared to leave him. Scared to leave us. Scared to go on this journey alone. Scared I’d get too sick to live with him.
"Come with me," I begged. "Please."
Clenching his eyes shut, a low growl pushed through his chest.
"I'm scared I'll never see you again," I said, baring my heart. "And if I do, what if you've moved on?"
Kova slammed his mouth to mine and plunged his tongue between my lips. He let go of my face and hauled me to him. He said I love you without breaking the kiss. His fingers grasped my braid, twisting it as he deepened our love.
My heart dropped.
I knew what this was.
This was a goodbye kiss.
Kova was kissing me goodbye.
Unleashing his emotion, Kova kissed me ruthlessly, passionately, all him. There was no shame in his fiery strokes that stormed my mouth. I fell into him, and released a sigh savoring this moment.
Kova severed the kiss and shoved me away. I stumbled back, stilling in shock. My jaw fell open and I stared at him, unblinking.
All I could hear was the sound of my heart beating in my ears.
No.
"This is not over, Adrianna. It will never be over between us."
I shook my head vehemently and ran to him. Kova caught me, but he didn't let me speak.
"This is only goodbye for now," he said.
A breath hitched in my throat. Kova's lips were on mine again, and I knew in my heart it was the last one.
He broke the kiss again and took a step back.
Tears were flowing from my eyes. I couldn't stop crying.
This was it.
He was leaving, and so was I.
"No." I panicked and ground my teeth together. My feet carried me to him. "I'm not ready to leave yet. I just need a little more time."
Reaching up, Kova brushed a loose lock of hair behind my ear, his knuckles grazing my cheek. He eyed me with empathy. One corner of his mouth quirked up and his eyes glistened with unshed tears. I stepped closer, needing to feel his body pressed to mine one last time.
"My dearest Malysh," he said with the utmost affection. "I love you, and I will always love you. Do not ever forget that."
My lungs ached for air. My heart was a burning stone in my gut making my knees weak. Any second, I was going to crumble to the floor.
Kova held me close and our lips met one final heartbreaking time.
We pulled apart. Kova threw his hands in the air and spoke something under his breath that I didn't catch. My eyes caught the subtle shake in his fingers. He placed his fist to his mouth, his eyes pleading for me to go.
My face slowly fell as his response settled over me.
He wanted me to leave. No—he needed me to leave.
"Go, Adrianna. Just remember I am coming for you. And once I have you, I will never let you go again. That is a promise I intend to keep."
I liked his challenge.
Kova gestured with his head to the area behind me. We were standing across the room from the escalator.
"Leave, Adrianna."
Fifty-Eight
It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him to walk me to the escalator.
I didn't. After all, I was doing this for me, and that meant I had to walk away on my own.
Bending down, I picked up my duffle bag and placed it over my shoulder. I blinked my eyes rapidly trying to stop the tears. His chest rose and fell and his hands were clenched, hanging at his sides.
My heart, how it ached for him. We were saying goodbye. Did he even realize he was giving me the strength I needed to walk away? He was the push I needed to keep going, the firm voice and bold eyes encouraging me to be better.
I inhaled a deep breath and turned around. Each step I took, I drew in a quick breath—faster, harder, tighter. I thought about my decision one last time and if this was what I wanted. I looked inside myself, really questioning what I truly wanted.
It was so easy to convince myself that I was making the right decision by leaving for Oklahoma, but in this moment it was so fucking hard to stay positive. A part of me knew I needed to leave, yet the other part wanted Kova to take me back home and never let me go.
Swallowing thickly, I gripped the railing and stepped onto the lifting stair. I turned to look over my shoulder to find the man who held every part of me in the palm of his hands.
There was an emptiness in my heart the moment our eyes connected. A real void that only he could fill. Cold, hollow, damp. Soft tears streamed down my flushed cheeks. I couldn't believe this was really it.
I didn't care if he saw me crying, or anyone else for that matter. Gymnastics had taught me so much through the years that transformed me into the person I was now.
I learned self-discipline at a young age, and that money couldn't buy everything.
As an early teen, I had discovered that I needed an abundance amount of patience to accomplish a dream.
The deeper I got into the sport, I’d decided how to receive criticism and if I was going to use it in a constructive manner or cause me to crumble.
My goal had drained me, pulled tears from my eyes, and ripped back layers and layers of my skin to prove a point. But it had never made me second-guess myself. I never questioned if I couldn't handle something. It was where I discovered how strong of a person I really was.
There was so much more to gymnastics than how many back flips somebody could do.
I went to Kova for one reason, one goal. I had a dream, and he said I was going to fight for it. He showed me how to thrive and conquer, that giving up wasn't in my vocabulary because you don't just challenge your body with a dream, but you challenge your mind too. He taught me that a little fear was okay, but to always trust in myself. I came to Kova with a dream of going to the Olympics, and he gave it to me. The least I owed him was unveiling my true emotions and not hiding myself from him.
Now our time was over.
Halfway up the stairs, I clung to the railing harder, and Kova pressed a tight fist to his mouth again. I was about to go out into the world on my own, taking what I’d learned from the sport that had captured my heart as a kid. Kova dropped his head for a spilt second then looked back at me. I knew that look in his eyes all too well. He'd reached his point of no return and was already succumbing to the darkness in him that made him who he was. He fought it while I embraced that part of him and drew it out. He'd fight it now too until he couldn't anymore. Kova was an emotive man who deeply ached to express love and feeling with someone who he truly connected with. I was that person.
Our gazes never wavered the higher I went. We were too afraid to look away, not wanting to break the connection.
Stepping blindly onto the platform when I reached the top, I slowly walked in the direction of my gate, still watching him through blurry eyes.
Kova stayed where he was, rooted to the ground and fixated on me. We only saw each other, and all I could hear was the roaring sound of my heartbeat in my ears the further I got away from him.
Kova's lips parted and my heart plummeted as he took one step in front of him only to stop.
This was too much.
My jaw trembled and my teeth clamped down on my lower lip as his head dropped between his shoulders and he faced the floor. He couldn't stomach to see me walk away.
Gripping my duffle bag strap in search of courage, I turned and stared straight ahead, letting the tears fall freely in waves. There was no way to disguise the pain of losing a loved one and I wasn't going to even try. I was going to let myself feel every emotion to remember that this was real and it would never be forgotten. I was leaving someone I loved behind. There was no reason to shut the door on those feelings.