I locate my purse on the table next to my bed and grab it, pulling out my phone. A bunch of texts and missed calls fill the screen, all of them from Dean.
My stomach drops and my shoulders slump forward. Shit, I forgot all about him, which makes me feel like an asshole.
I text him with an update just as the door opens, and Drew steps inside. I drop my phone, the text forgotten.
“You okay?” Drew asks, his eyes full of concern when he walks next to the bed. “You scared me back there.”
“Sorry, but enough about me. How’s Levi?”
“The MRI showed some brain swelling, so they’re keeping him in the coma until it goes down. That’s all we know so far. But we can see him now.”
When I jump out of the bed, both Mable and Drew step toward me. “Whoa, whoa. Slow down. It’s no rush.” Drew scolds me, and it reminds me of the times I heard him do it to Levi.
“I want to see him. Please.” I grab my phone and bag and look back and forth between the two of them.
“Are you sure? We don’t need to rush up there.” Drew glances at Mable, then back to me.
“That doesn’t make any sense. Let’s go, or I’m going alone.” I move toward the door as Mable and Drew stare after me.
“Okay, I get it. We’re going.” Drew leads out of the room and up a staircase, down a few hallways, and we arrive at his room.
My stomach drops, and my breath catches in my throat. I stare at the closed door, wanting to go in and not wanting to go in all at the same time.
I can’t do this.
I can’t…
I have to…
Mable takes one hand, and Drew takes the other before we walk inside Levi’s room.
But it doesn’t help.
One look at his bed and I fall to the ground in a sobbing, hysterical mess.
Chapter Fourteen
Raina
My fingertips gently touch his hand, slowly moving along his skin as tears fall off my face and disappear into the blankets.
Is it him?
Is it really my Levi?
It doesn’t look like him, his body small in the big hospital bed, tubes and wires hooked up and sticking out all over the place. His face looks bruised and swollen with a tube down his throat and one up his nose.
I haven’t been this close to him in so long, and to see him like this…
I thought my heart was broken before, but now. My God, now, it’s worse than I ever thought.
Moving closer, I trail my hand up his arm, barely grazing his skin until I reach his chest. Bringing my face close to his, I’m finally near his face, my heart beating hard in my chest. A whiff of his familiar scent hits my nose, and I choke on a sob.
Levi…
I lay my head on his chest and cry. I don’t know for how long but long enough that Drew pulls me away because the nurses needed to come in to check his vitals. As soon as they finish, I’m back at his side, holding his hand and lying on his chest.
I never want to leave.
“Raina, it’s almost morning. Let’s go home and get some sleep,” Mable whispers from behind me.
I shake my head, not moving from my spot.
Mable rubs my back, and in a soothing tone, she says, “We’ll come back first thing in the morning.”
“No, I’m not leaving.” I move away from her and grip Levi’s arm tighter.
“Rai, please.” Mable chokes on her words, and I cry harder. I can’t leave. I can’t leave him in this bed alone. What if he wakes up or what if—no. No. I will not think it.
“I’ll stay with him,” Drew offers as he walks up next to Mable.
“I’m not leaving.” I pull away from both of them. “Leave me alone, please. Just go.”
“Let me talk to her,” Drew says to Mable, who nods and backs away near the end of the bed. Another older man I don’t recognize stands on the other side, his shoulders slumped and his hands deep in his pockets.
I don’t care who’s here or who wants to talk. All I care about is being here. With Levi. I’m not leaving his side.
I left him before and look what happened.
“Raina, sweetheart, look at me.” Drew takes one of my hands and tugs on it so I’ll face him.
I resist, keeping my body turned toward Levi.
“I know how you feel. Like if you leave, something will happen or you’ll let Levi down, but trust me, it’s okay to go home and sleep. You need to take care of you.”
Tears fly off my face as I shake my head. “No, no. I can’t go.”
“His dad and I will be here. If anything changes, I promise I’ll call you. No matter what time of day.”
Why? Why can’t I stay?
I want to fight. Cry. Scream. Throw a fit. But it won’t get me anywhere.
Just let Mable take care of you.
No, I can’t. I can’t leave him.
My head battles, but I finally give in, realizing I can’t lay on his chest and cry all night. Not when nurses are in and out several times an hour, or when doctors are assessing just how bad the damage is. Exhaustion tugs at me, and my legs are ready to give out. I need to give in and go home to sleep.
Without a word, I turn and lean into Levi, hugging him around all the wires and tubes. Please be okay. Please, I whisper over and over in my head.
I kiss his hand and bring it up to my face, pressing it against my cheek. A gesture Levi used to do so often, yet I forgot how much I missed it. Drew walks me over to Mable, who takes me in her arms.
I offer a smile to Levi’s father, but he doesn’t look our way, staring only at the floor.
Before we leave, I turn and take one last look, my heart no longer with me but with him.
“I’m so sorry, Raina. I can’t do this anymore.” Levi walks backward, away from me.
I reach out, but it’s no use, my fingers slipping through nothing, only air. He’s too far.
“No, wait!” I yell, but it’s too late.
He’s fading.
There’s blood everywhere.
So much blood.
“Levi! You’re bleeding! Let me help you!”
“You can’t.” Levi turns, but he falls to his knees, blood filling the space around him.
“No! Levi, no!” I run to him, but he doesn’t get any closer. I propel myself forward and scream. “No! Levi, no! Wait!”
Time’s up.
So much blood.
So much blood…
“Raina! Wake up! Are you okay?”
My eyes fly open, and I gasp for air. I sit up with a start, my tank top and shorts soaked, my body drenched in a cold sweat. “Levi,” I suck down mouthfuls of air, but it’s no use. My breathing won’t slow down.
“Hey, you okay?” Mable rubs my arm. “You were screaming in your sleep.”
I run my hands over my face, my hair sticking to me and full of sweat. “Shit, I’m sorry. My dream…” I trail off and shake my head, tears filling my eyes yet again. “Never mind.”
“You want to talk about it?” Mable asks. It doesn’t matter it’s five in the morning, she’d sit and listen for hours.
“I’m okay. I’ll take a shower and try to go back to sleep.” I roll out of bed and turn to strip the sheets off.