‘Yeah?’ Freddie asked, looking up to get the approval of the group.
‘At the very least you end up with stories to tell. I know my story wasn’t all that exciting, but let me tell you, it was better than anything that ever happened back at the convent.’
‘I don’t know. Maybe,’ Freddie murmured.
‘I should probably add here, for our newer members, that the point of this group isn’t to try and get you to have sex,’ said Andy. ‘I don’t want anyone to feel like we’re pressuring them into doing something they don’t want to do.’
‘The sex would be nice though,’ Mike said dryly.
‘Sometimes I’m not sure that the sex even matters that much,’ Kate found herself saying. ‘But a relationship would be nice, I think.’
‘And that’s a fine thing to want,’ Cathryn agreed.
‘There are so many different kinds of relationship, though,’ said Hattie. ‘There’s friends, and family, and people you live with, and colleagues. Romantic or sexual relationships don’t even have to be that important. Some people get everything they need from all the other types, without the need for physical intimacy. I still think the world makes far too much out of all that stuff.’
But even so, a romantic or sexual relationship would still be nice, Kate thought but didn’t say.
Kate was surprised to find that some of the attendees were going to the pub afterwards. They’d just spent nearly two hours cooped up together in a stuffy room talking about their most personal secrets, so extending the evening in a much more informal environment somehow felt a little strange.
‘We try and leave all the sensitive stuff in the room,’ Andy explained. ‘Sometimes it’s just nice to get a beer and vent afterwards.’
‘My cats are on antibiotics,’ was all Lizzie said by way of goodbye to the group before she hurried out.
‘I’m going to head home too,’ Cathryn said. ‘Sorry to be a party pooper.’
‘No worries!’ Hattie said, reaching towards Cathryn for a hug.
‘Have you all known each other long?’ Kate asked as Cathryn put on her coat.
‘Andy and I studied together,’ Hattie explained, ‘and then I met Cathryn through Andy’s research. There are some others who come and go from the group, like Lizzie and Steve, and Mike’s also pretty new, but we tend to be the core trio, don’t we?’
‘They’re a godsend,’ Cathryn said. ‘I reckon I would have gone insane without them.’
‘You pubbing?’ Kate heard Steve ask Freddie, who was standing around looking a little lost.
‘I don’t know,’ he admitted. ‘This all feels kind of weird.’
‘Aww, come on, it would be great to get to know you guys better,’ Hattie encouraged.
Kate wondered if there was anything more to know about her – the sex thing was her deepest, darkest secret after all – but resolved that the pub could be fun, or at least a good way to decompress and feel more comfortable with everyone.
Andy led them around Bloomsbury to a pub settled into the corner of an old block of mansion flats, a rainbow flag draped proudly in one of the front windows. Kate was thankful to find that it was quiet inside, and free of any sign of students. The reason, she soon found, was because of the prices.
‘You all right?’ Kate asked Freddie, who was standing next to her at the bar. He didn’t say anything at first, just kept looking at the counter, so that Kate wondered if he had heard her. ‘Freddie, wasn’t it?’
‘Oh, yeah, hi.’
She took in his face, eyes that could be grey or green or hazel, she realised, depending on the light, and reddish-chestnut hair that he had run his hands through earlier, making it stick up at the front. He had a face she felt she had seen before; maybe he looked like someone she had seen on TV.
‘We didn’t just make gigantic fools of ourselves, did we?’ Kate asked.
‘You didn’t,’ Freddie conceded. ‘I’m not so sure about me.’
‘Let’s just say we were both fine, and then try not to think too much more about it.’
‘What are you having?’ Freddie then asked, to her surprise.
‘A small red,’ Kate replied. ‘But don’t worry about it. I’ll get it.’
‘It’s OK, really. I’m getting one for Steve too.’
‘Oh, OK then.’ She was a little worried about having to pitch in for a round later on, especially when her budget was tight and the drinks were so expensive, but figured that the evening was momentous enough that – if it ever came to that – she could allow herself the indulgence. Besides, Freddie seemed nice, and she didn’t want him to think she was rude for turning down a friendly gesture.
‘Want some help taking the drinks to the table?’ she asked once they had been served.
Freddie nodded back at her appreciatively.
‘We were just talking about you two,’ Hattie said once they had both sat down and Freddie had delivered Steve’s drink.
‘What about us?’ she asked tentatively.
‘Turning up, being new. It was brave,’ Hattie replied.
‘I don’t know if I’d say brave exactly,’ Kate said, wishing that she had left her hair loose so that she could hide behind it. The half-up, half-down style she had gone for meant she only had a few wisps to wind nervously around her fingers.
‘How did you guys find the meeting?’ Andy asked them both.
‘It was good,’ Kate said, forcing a congenial smile.
‘Yeah,’ Freddie added, shy and noncommittal.
‘We never really got the chance to talk about what you want to get out of it? Not that it matters, and we can talk about it at the next meeting if you’d prefer, but sometimes it’s nice to know,’ Andy said to both of them.
‘Sex?’ Kate said, a little too loudly, her voice a little too high, her attempt at a joke feeling lame and nonsensical even as she was saying it.
‘I guess I just want a bit more confidence, so that maybe I can do something about the situation?’ Freddie answered, more sensibly. ‘And I can’t afford a therapist or anything, so this makes sense?’
‘You remind me of me,’ Steve said to Freddie, whilst taking careful sips of his ale. ‘I felt exactly the same way when I started coming here.’
‘And now?’ Freddie asked.
‘Oh, I feel pretty much the same. But at least I have an event to put in my diary every two weeks.’
Kate saw Freddie give a weak chuckle as if he thought the comment was funny, but Kate wasn’t sure it was meant to be taken that way.
‘Well, if you want to try dating, to talk about your experiences on this journey, kind of like the way Cathryn is doing, then that’s fine,’ Andy said.
‘I think you should go on a date before the next meeting,’ Hattie dared, her tone sly but her eyes twinkling with delight.
‘Hattie,’ Andy scolded. ‘That’s not the point of any of this.’
‘Just for fun, to test the waters. You know. Kate, you should try it too,’ Hattie gave her a hard but playful stare.
‘No, I don’t do online dating,’ Kate said, after taking a sip of her wine.