So, why in the hell had he stayed so long?
“Take care, Krishna. I love you.” Beau’s forehead rested against mine.
“I love you too,” I croaked out.
We managed to untangle ourselves from each other. Right when he turned his back to walk away, I turned to head inside Edgewater Center for Healing. I knew if I stood there watching him leave, my marriage would be over.
“You’re brave, Mrs. Kalmin.” Andrea’s emphasis on calling me Mrs. Kalmin, I heard it loud and clear.
Taking in the luxury facility my eyes wandered around looking for the angry beast I knew that was in a corner somewhere ready to wreak havoc. “According to my husband, I’m technically divorced. I signed the papers, remember?”
Andrea moved a lock of hair out of her face before giving me those pretty baby doll eyes. “My husband took him to another room. He was a second short from blowing a gasket. Follow me. I’ll take you to him.”
My fangirl crush on Andrea Carter started years ago. Read all her books and listened to her podcast. Can’t forget that I had playlists full of the songs she produced. Even through my headphones and the words on the pages of her books, I felt her anointing spirit. Felt her talking to me like I was right there in the room with her. Her guidance helped me. Her boldness of not caring what people thought of her being autistic intrigued me.
When I found out she had opened a center here in Florida, I immediately called and paid for Amell and I to go. Her brother Andre helped me with JD. The type of trauma he endured called for counseling and Andre gave that to him. I’d expected to get a call from a staff member but Andrea called me herself and we talked for hours. Hours on top of hours. She was so humble and easy to talk to, just like my Beau. Of course I kept certain things private but I gave her the gist of things. When she agreed to see us I knew then that I had to move fast with my plan on getting Amell out.
We entered a room with large windows, lilac covered walls, and Amell. I stopped taking in everything once our eyes met. Andre and Landon stood next to him. His hands were behind his back, probably in fists. I watched his jaw clench and unclench. Those onyx eyes were menacing times ten.
“Amell. Krishna. Thank you for trusting us here at Edgewater Center for Healing to see you through your time of need. As you both know I’m Andrea Carter and that handsome guy on the left is my dear husband, Landon Carter. Next to him is my brother Andre Joseph. I decided to take you both under my guideship, I hope that’s alright.”
“That’s fine.” He and I both answered in monotones.
“Great. I’m excited to have you both here. For the first few months you’ll both be on opposite sides of the resort. Amell you’ll be on one side and Krishna; you’ll be on the other. Neither of you are ready to sleep in the same room, that I can sense heavily. Dampens my spirit actually. We’ll start fresh tomorrow while you’ll spend the day unpacking and getting comfortable. Any questions?” Andrea tilted her head and narrowed her eyes slightly. I swear it’s like she was searching the ugliness of my soul.
“Can I have a few minutes with my wife before we part?” His voice was too calm. The chill bumps on my arms and the sweat forming underneath my blouse, my body knew that an extra calm Amell was a raging bull Amell.
“Sure. We’ll be outside waiting.” Andrea, her husband, and brother left out the room and it took everything for me not to go with them. But I had to be a big girl and face him.
I could see the war behind his eyes. See the questions running rampant behind those onyx orbs. Before he could open his mouth, I beat him to it. “He’s…” I never got a chance to finish. Amell made it over to me in three large steps and had me hemmed up on the wall by my shoulders seething.
“You must want me to go back to prison for killing him. You let him touch you. Let him kiss you.” Even with my feet inches from the ground and him breathing uncontrollably in my face, I wasn’t scared or afraid. I’ve seen Amell in worst predicaments.
“Let. Me. Go.” I wonder if he could hear the galloping of my heart.
He shook me by the shoulders, eyes damn near bulging out of his head. “Krishna, I will fuck both of you up if you let him…if you let him…” Implying that Beau and I had been sexually intimate, the words weren’t easily spoken for him, but I took pleasure in his disheveled state.
“You don’t get to accuse me of anything you fucking bastard.” I screamed in his face trying to claw at any part of his body. “Were you there when I wanted to be touched? When I wanted to be made love to?” His grip tightened and then released me. Once free I slapped him. Slapped him with two and a half years’ worth of pain. “You wanted to set me free, remember?” My hands must’ve loved hitting him.
His face. His solid muscular body. Anywhere available I kept slapping and punching. I think at one point I kicked him.
“I hate you.” I screamed with all might that my soul shook. His arms cradled me as we made it to the floor. “I found out I was pregnant the day you called and asked that I travel with Chief Chatterjee to Chicago. Keatyn told me. I passed out after Mahogany ran down the list of your chargers and what they were trying to sentence you with. She ran a full blood panel and I was with child,” I huffed with a heavy sigh. So damn proud of myself for remaining calm and in control.
“I wanted to tell you. Was going to tell but you kept refusing to see me.” I gritted with so much anger that I had to unclench my fist. “Then,” I chuckled with so much pain. “Stepping in the judge’s chambers, I thought you were going to tell me that you were going to fight this and try to get out. You kept trying to push that damn pen in my hand and all I wanted to tell you was that you were going to be a father.” I stopped fighting to keep my tears at bay. They needed to be released. I’ve been waiting for this moment since forever. Waiting on the moment to tell him how he really hurt me.
We sat there in the middle of the room expressing. I talked and he listened. I vented and he felt.
The shoulders of my blouse became wet and it wasn’t because of my tears. I never seen Amell cry. Anger, Somber, and Intimate. Can’t forget happy when around his family. Those were the only emotions I knew of him to express. But sadness, this type of sadness that borderline grief, resulted in weeping, I became afraid that I went too far.
With his hands holding my abdomen from behind he wept into my hair. His body shook. His hands were trembling. The sounds coming from him sounded like a wounded animal. Like he had been slaughtered and left for dead in agonizing pain.
I hated to beat him while he was down, but my sympathy had depleted long ago. “I don’t want to hate you, but I love you more than myself, and that’s how I know my love isn’t healthy. Maybe we aren’t meant to be. Maybe our time is over.”
Chapter 22
Amell
“While the plaque on the wall says that I am qualified to be a clinical psychiatrist, I’d rather be your friend. Can we be friends, Amell?” Her voice sounded like she just got finished dancing in a field of lavender and vanilla beans. Sweet and soothing.
“I’m not a good friend to have, Mrs. Carter.”
“Besides your troubled spirit and the demons hovering over you, I say that you are a great friend to have. I can tell.” She shook her head up and down with a bright smile. “I like meeting new people and making new friends.”