She didn’t have to tell me everything but at least give me some reassurance that he was coming home and not have me out here thinking that my world had been taken from me. She saw me already barely hanging on after losing my father. Why not find it in her heart to remember that, yes, Amell got first dibs of her loyalty because of history alone, but I’m her friend too and she wouldn’t want to see me hurt.
Pacino got a pass on whether or not I’d ever speak to him again. I expected his loyalty to me because he worked for my father for many years and I was the wife of his best friend, but at the end of the day, he and I never established a relationship. Besides what I had done to Capone’s business, my vengeance stopped there, and I even corrected that issue a month ago.
But Noelani. That pain hit different because she literally sat in my face knowing the whole truth when all I wanted was someone to tell me that Amell was coming back to me.
My heart and Beau would have never aligned. Distress would not have caused me to miscarry.
“Noelani, I’m the last person you want to talk loyalty with. I may have bickered and rebelled against my parents a handful of times but keeping my mouth shut, living a life as if they never existed in my world since childbirth, I know what loyalty looks like. I suffered without Amell. Suffered a miscarriage. He could’ve been with me if you would’ve…”
“If I would’ve what?” She challenged back. “Told you. Begged a man like Amell to stay.” She scoffed, waving me off.
“If you would’ve told me I wouldn’t have been blindsided. I wouldn’t get these crazy thoughts that y’all were sleeping together.”
“Wow. Look, the past is the past. Either we move on or not. Whether you realize it or not, my husband is your husband’s brother. If Cassian found it in his heart to forgive me then why can’t you forgive me? Amell kept you out of it to protect you. That’s it. Nothing more. Nothing less.”
She had some nerve to compare me to Cassian, and I know damn well it took him a while to not feel like she put his brother over him. Only thing that saved her was being pregnant at the time. “See, that’s the thing. I’m not fucking the truth out of you. I was your friend.” I screamed trembling with my fist balled at my side. “I never asked much from you. Never did. I gave you what I always wanted back. Love, loyalty, and honesty. You were my sister, Noe. That shit hurt feeling like I was alone because everyone knew the big secret but me.”
“No one told you to leave.” She had the nerve to sneer. I had to take a step back and exhale. Her defense to me, it made me question who had been the one actually hurt right here? So what if I stopped business at the ports for a month and a half. Noelani’s attitude towards me, her bitterness, it confused me. “And what was I supposed to do? Stay and watch everyone going on about their lives while I mourned. That’s what you expected me to do?”
Her brow raised and head tilted. “I expected you to hold the man you claim you love down. If you knew him like you claim to, then you would’ve known that a man like him doesn’t move without a plan.” She expected so much of me, but would she have done the same had it been Cassian? “I-I can’t say what I expected you to do but you were never alone. Never have been.”
“Right.” At this point I was done arguing with her to see a glimpse of why I felt the way I felt. My feelings weren’t hers to feel because she was a part of their world. She had been in business with my father and Amell. The dirty grit of what they went through, I’d never understand it and neither would she understand me.
“We’re not getting anywhere by pointing the finger, Krishna. All I’m asking is that you forgive me and hopefully find it in your heart to be my friend again. I’m sorry for choosing him over you but I’d do it again if he asked me to. Yes, you are my best friend, my only best friend, but Amell is family to me and has been way before Cassian came into the picture.” She offered a pathetic smile and walked back to the house.
Our bubble had officially been popped. We were back in the real world of our bullshit. I knew we had to tackle issues that we left behind. Deal with people who we called family. But I never expected this from her. Never expected to feel like I made the wrong decision by leaving nor was I going to let anyone make me feel guilty about the decisions that I made. Had it not been for me, the man that everyone was so damn loyal to would’ve still been in prison serving a life sentence with a few months left before the prison board decided to execute him.
Noelani and anyone else could miss me with the bullshit.
Chapter 27
Amell
A week home and it felt like I never left. Everyone made it easy for me to transition back into my life. Not completely the old me, but the enigma part of me that everyone thought they had figured out. Sleeping in my bed, walking around my compound, my freedom, no longer were the things I cherished the most going to be taken for granted.
My brothers had replaced most of the guards and the ones under Krishna had either stayed on or decided to go on to live their lives. She gave them that choice. David offered to stay on if he could bring his family on the compound. Of course, Krishna agreed. David had been with her since she was a teenager.
Speaking of Krishna, my Gazelle had been the one having a hard time transitioning the most. Her days were spent in the house or out with JD somewhere. Whatever happened between her and Noelani caused an uncomfortable energy whenever everyone was together, which was often. I got both sides of the conversation that took place that day we came back and instead of getting involved and telling both of them what I felt, I decided to let women be women.
“Tai is a complete switch out. Do you know how long it took before she started to let me hold her without crying?” Atlas complained from his side of the couch. He held his hands out to Tai to see if she would come to him and got his feelings hurt when she shook her head and wrapped her arms tighter around my neck.
Cassian’s daughter Tai had become my newest shadow. The curly head little girl with the glasses and button nose reminded me of Ari when she was a young toddler. My arms were always full. Either they held Krishna whenever the girls weren’t around or one of my little princesses. Massey opted for jumping on my back and being carried around the house.
The one person who surprised me by being at my side whenever he wasn’t at his own house was Atlas. To be honest I expect him to resent me more than anyone. Atlas and I shared a special bond. Growing up I treated him like my son more than my brother. In my eyes he was mine. I changed his diapers, fed him, and loved on him since he came home from the hospital. Our conversation that day at the prison was the hardest one to have.
“Can you bring in Atlas first, please?” I asked Mahogany as I sat down before the steel cold table.
“Sure.” She nodded. Atlas Aaron Kalmin.
I raised him. Held him in my arms and his bassinet sat in my bedroom since he came home from the hospital. Caring for him taught me how to nurture those I loved. Taught me that if I provided security, he’d always need me.
“Why are you doing this?” Atlas rushed into the room with tears already threatening to fall.
“Young…”
“No.” He borderline whined. “You promised me, Amell. You promised that I wouldn’t have to go through life without you. Remember those promises? All I had to do was get good grades and stay out of trouble and you’d always support me. All I had to do was work hard and build my business and you’d never leave me. I’ve done everything you asked of me so why are you throwing your life away?” His bottom lip trembled, eyes red and puffy.