I headed to calculus, growing redder under the inquisitive and condemning glances of a few students that passed, which heightened the guilt in me.
I ignored them and entered the classroom with my gaze set on the floor, concentrated on calming my breathing. I could only hope Natalie and Christine wouldn’t give me a hard time during calculus.
“She’s here,” someone whispered and burst into a chuckle, which stopped me in my tracks.
Terror clutched me when I raised my eyes and caught a sight of the blackboard. There, all over it, was one denigrating word written countless times in many sizes with a white chalk.
Murderer.
It was flaring. It was omnipresent. It was stabbing me like a thousand needles all over my body, and I began panting, unaware of the sounds and movements around me as the world blurred. It was too much.
“How does it feel, murderer?” Natalie whispered into my ear, standing right behind me. Shivers ran down my spine, every muscle in my body tensing. I moved to get away from her, but she grabbed my wrists and pulled me back, pressing my hands against my back as she held me in place.
“Running away won’t save you now.” Her voice was chilling, inducing the worst kind of fear in me.
She dug her long nails into my forearms, and I bit into my lip so I wouldn’t cry out in pain, refusing to let her know just how much she was hurting me. I jerked my arms to set myself free, but Christine appeared in front of me and clamped her hands on my shoulders, preventing me from moving. No.
“Where do you think you are going?” Christine asked with mocking face. I needed to get out of here.
“Let me go.”
“You want to leave so soon? But we’ve just started having fun,” Christine said, grasping my shoulders painfully, and fear took over me. I had to escape. Everyone was just standing there, letting Natalie and Christine get away with this, and it was horrifying. No one would help me. No one.
“Let me go! Our teacher will be here any moment—”
“And then what?” Natalie spoke into my ear. My heart pounded furiously, my shallow breaths failing to give me enough oxygen. “You think that would make any difference? You think we would get punished?” She twisted my wrist. A yelp tore from my lips.
“Please, let me go!” My heart... It was pumping too fast.
“If there was real justice in this world, you would have been punished a long time ago. How can you sleep soundly during night knowing someone died because of you?”
I was about to scream, but then they released me, pushing me to the floor before they stepped away. I was a broken mess, already losing it.
The last thing I remembered before I succumbed to my darkness was dashing away from the classroom, running into the unknown.
I SAT ON A BENCH IN the schoolyard, staring at the scarlet red scrapes on my forearms that were a vicious reminder of Natalie’s brutality. I’d lost track of time, having spent hours on this bench. I was too numb to even move let alone care about skipping classes. My tears had dried a long time ago, leaving only emptiness in their wake.
I knew something bad would happen today. I knew I shouldn’t have even bothered to get out of my bed.
Wasn’t I punished enough? How much more would I have to endure until justice was “served”? How much more until I could forgive myself and move on?
“I found you!”
I glanced to the side and saw Jessica walk in my direction. She was carrying two lunch bags and bottles of orange juice with a smile on her face. Was it lunch time already?
“When you texted me about this place, at first I wasn’t sure where exactly—” She halted in front of me, frowning when she noticed my face. “Are you okay?”
I looked over the students that occupied other benches under the trees, their smiling faces as they chatted with their friends differing from the frown that tugged at my lips and eyebrows. It was such a nice, sunny day, but the sunrays bathing the backyard in warm tones didn’t bring color to my inner gloom.
“Not really.”
She frowned and sat down next to me, giving me a lunch bag and a bottle of juice. “You didn’t say anything, but I brought you lunch.”
“Thanks.” I accepted it, but I had no intention of eating. I should just find some strength and go home.
“So, what happened?” She gasped and caught my wrists. “Sarah! You’re injured!”
“It’s nothing.” I pulled my arms out of her grasp, unused to someone being concerned about me. “It’s pricking a little, but it’s not that bad.”
“Who did this to you?”
“It was Natalie.” I filled her in on what happened before calculus. “Don’t worry, that was nothing. It could have been a lot worse, considering today’s date.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
I was about to respond her, but a gut feeling that something bad was going to happen cut into me.
I took in our surroundings, searching for any glimpse of Hayden and his friends. This place was far away from the lunchroom and it was quiet and peaceful, but for some reason, this didn’t appease me.
You’re being paranoid, Sarah.
I looked at the students on the benches again and spotted one guy glancing at me before he returned his attention to his phone. It looked like he was texting someone.
I shook my head to myself. I needed a distraction from these daunting thoughts, so I decided to tell Jessica the whole truth about Kayden.
“You know, I had a best friend here.”
“Really?”
“Yes. He was the best. He was kind and so, so funny.”
“Where is he now?”
My chest hurt with long-suppressed emotions. “He... He passed away.”
“Oh.” Her eyes were big as pools as she looked at me in sympathy. “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah. It’s still difficult to accept that he is gone. Today is his death anniversary.”
“Jesus.”
She covered her mouth with her hand, her other hand clutching the lunch bag on her lap, and I realized that my timing wasn’t so good. After all, speaking about a deceased friend and the tragedy behind his death wasn’t a topic that should be talked about during lunch.
“I’m sorry for mentioning this now.”
“It’s okay. What happened?”
I sighed, finding it difficult to share this distressing story. Would she judge me like everyone else? “He was Hayden Black’s twin.”
She gaped at me. “What?”
“Yes. Here’s the thing, Hayden and I are next-door neighbors. I met Kayden, his twin, the first day I came to Enfield. He was friendly from the very beginning, always so sweet and helpful... Soon, we became best friends.”
“How about Hayden? Was he your friend too?”
“No.” I laughed bitterly. “He was my enemy from day one. I have no idea why, but he always disliked me.”
“I guess he wasn’t happy about Kayden’s and your friendship if he felt this way about you.”
“Yeah, and that’s an understatement. He did everything possible to hurt me. Anyway... Kayden died when he rushed in front of a car to save Hayden from being hit.”
“ Oh gosh ,” a sorrowful whisper slid over her lips.
At this point I felt a heavy lump in my throat, and tears began pricking my eyes. It felt worse when I talked about it. It hurt me to say that he died because I made a foolish mistake.