I yawned. I no longer felt queasy. Kay didn’t bother to flip a switch, so it was dark, and the bright glow of the moon was the only source of light.
He stopped above me with a frown. “Aren’t you going to puke?”
“I’m fine now. Don’t jinx it!” I closed my heavy lids, smiling from ear to ear.
His long sigh told me just how much he didn’t believe me, but I was too sleepy to care about it. The music was just a dull throb in the distance, and my ears buzzed in the quiet of his room.
It seemed like I closed my eyes for just a few seconds, but when I opened them, I was alone in the room. I squinted at the glowing stars on the ceiling, trying to see them clearly, but there were so many of them, and I was too drunk. I smiled when I remembered Kay telling me he was going to take them off because they were childish, but I thought they were cute. They suited his sweet personality.
Someone opened the door, and I tilted my head back to see who it was through blurriness. I was barely able to discern Kayden’s tall form as he closed the door and approached me. I returned my gaze to the stars above me.
“Kayden, you didn’t have to check up on me. I told you I was fine.”
He didn’t say anything. He sat next to me on the bed, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw him look at the stars too.
“I honestly don’t know what you see in stars. Don’t get me wrong, they’re beautiful. It’s just that I really, reeaally tried to find some deeper meaning to them, but for me they’re just countless tiny spots that confuse me instead of giving me any answers.”
He didn’t reply, and I wondered if I offended him. I’d never admitted to Kay how I felt about space and all those things that fascinated him because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but something spurred me on to be completely honest with him now.
“I’m sorry if this offends you. That wasn’t my intention. I mean, I admire your passion, but whenever I think about all that unlimited space, I feel overwhelmed. It’s scary, you know? The more we learn about it, the more we see that we know nothing, and it’s scary how tiny, so tiny, we are compared to it.”
Kayden seemed kind of different, and I felt completely at ease. Inexplicably, he gave off something that made me feel like I could tell him my deepest thoughts, which I’d never truly done before. Or maybe that was just because of alcohol and it had nothing to do with him.
I looked from one star to another aimlessly, aware of the heat of Kayden’s body. He’d shifted so that he was closer to me, and his hand, which lay next to mine on the bed, was almost touching me. For a reason I couldn’t understand, I wanted that hand to cover mine, but just the thought confused me.
“Now I’m blabbering, and I’m probably boring you, but thank you for listening to me.” I glanced at him, but he didn’t move his gaze from the stars, so I couldn’t see his face.
“Happy birthday,” I whispered and closed my eyes, suddenly emotional. “Thank you for everything. You made me the happiest I’ve ever been, and I’ll always treasure the moments with you.”
Remaining silent, he took my hand. The feel of his skin on my skin was pleasant, giving momentum to my pulse.
“Your hand is so warm.” I giggled. I was a bit confounded that his touch felt this nice. “And I’m drunk.”
Not missing a beat, he moved his hand up and caressed my wrist with his thumb in a circular motion, which felt intimate. My blood pumped faster. I’d never felt this way with Kayden, and the more we stayed like this, the more unusual I felt, conflicted about the emotion that grew more potent with each stroke of his thumb. I couldn’t understand why he was doing this.
I sat up and faced him, meeting his gaze. “What—” His eyes and unsmiling expression gave him away.
Hayden.
I froze, almost sobered up. I racked my brain to remember every single word I’d said since he came in.
His eyes were so dark, verging on black, but there was no usual coldness in them. Instead, they were filled with warmth I’d never seen before, and I couldn’t begin to understand it. His fixed stare created a concoction of feelings that had always brewed under the surface and waited for him to bring them out.
Just earlier this evening, I hoped for this, and now that I was seeing it... Was this another one of his games? My heart battered against my ribs, hungry for this small sign of affection from him, clinging to the naïve hope that this might mean something for him.
My gaze fell on his hand that still held mine, and fire skimmed along my nerves. I couldn’t believe he was holding me like this.
No, he must be playing me. I snatched my hand away and stood up, growing dizzy again as I glared at him. I expected him to turn this into a cruel joke any second. “Hayden? What are you doing?”
He took in my hostile reaction and almost instantly, his eyes lost all their warmth, mockery replacing a brief confusion on his face. “I’m listening to your bullshit and asking myself how much more stupid you can get.”
A fresh wave of nausea crashed over me, and I didn’t know if it had all to do with my drunken state or his horrible words. I was furious, mostly angry with myself for not looking at his face sooner.
“Stop calling me stupid and stop playing with me! I’m not stupid, and I’m not your plaything! Don’t ever pretend you’re Kayden again.”
“Or what? Stop shitting me. Besides, I didn’t pretend. You assumed I was Kayden. I just played along.”
Why? Why did he come here and touch me like that? He’d never showed me anything but hate, and I wished I could know what had been going through his head.
I didn’t voice my questions. I headed for the door, but he blocked my way.
“Let me pass, Hayden.”
He took a step closer. “And if I don’t?”
I bolted past him, but he grabbed me and pressed me against the wall. He seized my hands and brought them above my head, and my body warmed with his sudden nearness. He positioned his other hand low on my hip and brought his lips too close to mine, taunting me, but what shocked me the most was how much I enjoyed this. I was afraid and excited, studying his fierce eyes that burned into me.
“You’re nothing, Sarah, and you’ll always be nothing. I don’t know why Kayden wastes his time on scum like you, but let me make this clear: as long as I’m here, I’ll make sure you suffer. And when you think it can’t be worse, I’ll hurt you so much you’ll wish you never entered our lives.”
I shuddered with fear and disgust. I fought to set myself free, but his hold on my hands was too strong, and the more I struggled, the stronger his grip was. Now that we were this close, I could smell his fragrance that affected me more than I wanted to admit, making me susceptible to him, and the juxtaposition of my feelings sent my mind spiraling.
“You’re sick,” I bit out boldly thanks to all those tequila shots. I’d never dared talk back to him, but now that I saw his face twist into a grimace of surprise and rage, I felt like I’d been missing out on it because I enjoyed it too much.
“I’m sick—of you. So sick. You’re going down. Kayden is an idiot for thinking you’re something special, but I’ll never make that mistake.”
He pushed away from me abruptly and walked out. My stupid body actually longed for him, thriving on the encounter that wasn’t romantic in the slightest but interpreting it as such.