Our fingers intertwined. “I felt like you for a long time, which is why I understand what it means to see the world as completely black,” I said. “So many vile, selfish people, who care about nothing else but themselves. But then there are moments like this that show me this world has a lot more shades than we think. It shows me that true happiness is possible.”
“That’s why I don’t ever want to lose you, Sarah. You brought everything good in my life. You helped me realize there’s so much I can give to the world. You remind me that it’s worth fighting against my messed up mind.”
I placed my hand over his heart and his pulse quickened. I smiled. “Well, that’s because, just like you once said, your heart belongs to me.” I winked and lowered my gaze to my hand.
My next words died on my lips when I noticed a tattoo of tiny stars. Did they represent Kayden and his love for stars?
“The stars? Why...” My voice faded when I read the small lines under them right across his heart. At first I didn’t understand them, but I read them again, and my heart stopped.
They didn’t represent Kayden.
No, they represented something entirely else, and I recalled the memory I’d buried in my mind a long time ago.
It was Kayden and Hayden’s fifteenth birthday party. It was overly crowded, so I had to elbow my way to the table with tequila shots in the corner of the living room.
I hadn’t been sure about coming here, because this was also Hayden’s party. He didn’t hide his annoyance when he heard Kay had invited me, and he even told me I’d regret it if I came. I would’ve listened to him if only Kay hadn’t pleaded with me to come.
I did my best to blend in and steer clear of him. Thankfully, he was too occupied with enough alcohol and girls to pay attention to me, but then again, jealousy stirred deep in my belly. Whenever I looked for him in the crowd, he was kissing with a different girl, and I wished I could eradicate these images from my mind.
So I drank. I’d never gotten drunk before, but right now I hoped alcohol would drown my anxiety and help me forget Hayden’s dark eyes filled with animosity that haunted me even in my dreams. Once more, I wished he could see something more in me than a perfect target to torture. I’d tried so many times to quench my feelings for him, but it was useless. I couldn’t prevent my mind from creating all those fantasies in which he would grow to love me.
I snatched another glass of tequila and emptied it in one gulp, not bothering to take a lemon or salt. My vision was somewhat blurry, and I struggled with balance as I put the empty glass on the table.
I felt unusually carefree. I had so much energy in me, I needed to dance it out. I wanted to dance like there was no one else in the room and be wild.
My eyes searched for Kay and found him dancing with Natalie across the room. He was dressed the same as Hayden, in a black crew neck shirt and dark jeans that fit their well-defined bodies all too well. Kayden wanted to spend time with me, but I told him not to be silly and stay with his girlfriend. Besides, that girl already disliked me enough. I didn’t need to give her more reasons to sneer at me whenever she saw me or create nasty rumors behind my back. She was a top class bitch, but there was no doubt she was madly in love with him. Also, Kay claimed he knew her better than anyone else, so maybe there was some good in her. Maybe.
I looked past a few teenagers swaying to the beat to Hayden sitting on a couch with a girl on his lap, who was busy kissing his neck. My jealousy flared up, but then I met Hayden’s stare, and every other feeling but anticipation faded. It was short lived, though, because his eyes held only contempt for me, which put another dent in my stupid hope. I would never see anything in his eyes but hate.
I reached for another tequila shot. I was about to pick it up when someone’s hand stopped me before I could reach the glass.
“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” Kayden asked me. His eyes were glazed, showing he’d drunk more than enough alcohol himself, but he was handling it way better than me.
“Kayden!” I squealed. “Always so caring!” I actually giggled, acting like all those girls who flirted with Kayden in the school hallways. I chided myself internally.
He sighed. “Okay. Now I know you’ve had enough.”
“Nooo, not quite. Where is Natalie?”
“She’s somewhere with Christine and the others.”
“She’ll be jeaaalous.” More giggles escaped my lips.
He raised one eyebrow and half-smiled. “It doesn’t matter. She knows you’re my best friend, so she has to get over it. Come on.” He grabbed my arms when I stumbled, and I let out yet another giggle. He pulled me after him.
“Wait. Where are you taking me?”
“To the kitchen. You’re drunk, and I want to get you some water.”
I dug my heels into the floor and tugged on his hand to stop him. “Don’t be a party pooper, Kay! Let’s dance!”
He was surprised by my behavior, but he didn’t complain as I led him to where people were dancing. The music changed to an upbeat pop song, and everyone turned into dancing maniacs who didn’t care if they looked embarrassing or not. Just like me. I did a few silly dance moves I wouldn’t dare try in public otherwise, and Kayden grinned, watching me shake my hips with my arms raised in the air.
He put his hands on my waist and matched my movements, giving in. His eyes glimmered happily as he looked at me. “You’re so crazy.”
“Crazy is my middle name, yeah.”
“Are you enjoying the party?”
“My friend tequila is great company.”
He laughed and removed a strand of my hair from my sweaty face. “No more tequila for you. If I knew you would try to get yourself drunk, I never would’ve let you out of my sight.”
“Oh come on, Kay. Don’t be so overprotective. I’m fine.”
I was far from fine, which showed very quickly. The tempo of the song went faster, and it became more difficult for me to maintain my balance as we sped up. I constantly tripped over my own feet, growing queasier, so when Kayden twirled me around, I felt like I was going to puke.
I clamped my hand over my mouth and bent, hoping I wouldn’t embarrass myself right in front of all these people. They were from our school, so if I threw up, I’d be bullied more than ever.
Kayden grasped my shoulders and leveled his face with mine. “Can you hold it in until we reach the bathroom?”
“I think so.”
“Come on. I’ll help you.”
We moved through the walls of people who pushed into each other, slowing us down, but luckily, the worst of nausea had passed, and I was able to keep it together.
“Take deep breaths,” Kayden instructed as he guided me. “Keep your head up.”
I raised my head to look at him, more than grateful that he was doing this for me. My vision was too blurry, and I felt dizzy, but I managed to focus on his face. “You’re an angel, Kay.”
“And you’re drunk. Don’t stop. Just a little bit more.”
The bathroom downstairs wasn’t available, so he took me to his room. A couple of people were making out in the dark hallway, but Kay didn’t pay any attention to them. I grew sleepy by the time we entered his room, so I sank into Kayden’s soft bed and rolled over to my back with my legs and arms flung widely apart.