I laughed at that. “Who knew? He has a sense of humor.”
“Yes, he does. He made you, after all.”
My mouth dropped open. “I’m going to feel that one for a while. I might need two iced coffees to recover.”
“That was a pretty good one,” the Devil admitted. “It’s usually Michael coming up with those. Did Michael put you up to that, Gabriel?”
“That one was all me this time, although I will confess I have carried the burden of Michael’s sense of humor in the past.”
“Your brothers are amazing. They’re amazing assholes, but they’re still amazing, Lucifer.”
“But they lack nipples,” the Devil reminded me. “As such, they are inferior beings compared to me.”
I sighed at the reminder of the archangel’s utter lack of nipples. “It’s a pretty severe flaw, but I’m willing to overlook such things when they bring me presents. I really like presents.”
Gabriel, while he still laughed, recovered enough to stand. “I will bring you iced coffee in sufficient quantity to survive what my brother has in mind for you. I will also bring sustenance, as I suspect my brother has lengthy plans for your conversion.”
“Conversion. Explain that. I’ve heard it several times already, and then he started in on unicorns, and things became confusing at that point.”
Gabriel snorted another laugh. “Don’t mind my brother. He is not the only one who created your Earth, and unicorns were Lucifer’s first contribution to the mortal coil’s many wonders. He has a fond spot in his heart for them. Before his fall, he was the Lord of the Morning, and little else captures the glory of the sun and its rise than a unicorn. As such, he is always out to protect his beloved children. At current, he only has one succubus sacrificed to their ways, although he’d cast them all out if they located stallions for themselves.”
“I’m working on that,” Lucifer announced. “I do have a plan. The standard unicorns will be fine, and there’s hope enough for the cindercorns. I despair for some of the other species. Standards were my first creations, and I created the other unicorns to maintain the balance. The cindercorns developed in ways I did not expect, however.”
“There are only a few left,” Gabriel warned. “And their numbers dwindle yearly. Within thirty years, they will run the risk of extinction.”
“I have recently tended to that garden.”
Gabriel straightened, and something about his body language changed, a slight tensing that worried me. Then the archangel relaxed, and his laughter once again rang out. “You are a rascal. How did you pull that off?”
“The moon and the sun have always loved one another, and the moon’s light is a reflection of her love for the sun. I merely made it so they would meet. How far ahead have you looked?”
“Far enough.”
“Did I not choose wisely?”
“She will be magnificent, but your choice of humans for her parentage is worrisome.”
“Sariel can handle all that she is and will become, I’m sure. And when he comes asking for my help with the rest of it, who else is better for the task?” The Devil rubbed his hands together. “Agares is well suited for the work as well. Ah, that reminds me. I’d like to get those two settled with a new wife. A seed will be required, and as I had the making of the last one, it’s His turn.”
Gabriel waved his hand. “He has no objections to you selecting the seed for them. They have done more of His work than yours, so it would be better balanced if you select the seed again. He will look the other way if you cultivate a non-human seed for them. Try not to break more rules than necessary. If you plant the seed now, the seed will be matured sufficiently for them at the end of their work on your current project.”
“I could bend the rules a little without breaking them,” the Devil murmured, and his expression turned distant. “It’ll need to be a particularly troublesome seed for those two to unify again. But sweet and pure. Troublesome, sweet, and pure. The thought alone disgusts me. It was bad enough setting up my last scheme. The mix had to be just right for that seed to take root. Don’t you know how long I’ve been cultivating that seed?”
“Yes. It was your first seed after your fall. I remember. I wondered when you would use it, but I never looked.”
“He had the other seed needed for the project, and I’ve been scheming around his intentions to use it. It’s not my fault he’s slow. That seed of mine deserves only the best, and He kept refusing to give me the seed I wanted. It’s His fault.”
“Which seed?”
“The one Sariel’s grandson has.”
“Fitting. Your precious seed should be well protected then.”
“Exactly. I’ll have to continue meddling if I wish to preserve the balance. If I set my seed loose on him without properly tempering, they will not be a balanced coupling, and that will ruin my other plans. He’s too innocent regarding his power, and she will be too aggressive for him to handle.”
“Mortals have their freedoms, Lucifer,” Gabriel said. “You cannot plan all things for them.”
The Devil smirked. “That boy will make his mistakes, and I will make certain he makes the mistakes in such a way he’s properly cultivated. He can’t help his nature, and he needs to be matured in his powers before he gets his hands on her—or she gets her hands on him. She’d break him if he wasn’t tempered first, and he needs the strength to handle her at her worst—and she will not be easy to handle even at her best. She is what she is, and I regret nothing of my meddling in the requirements for her existence. She is one of my jewels, and she will shine, you mark my words.”
“Her father will be quite annoyed with you when he finds out.”
“I know. Isn’t it wonderful? He’ll owe me, and he’ll hate it. Anyway, I like her mother, and her mother is deserving of that seed. Despite how much I enjoy toying with him, I like her father as well, and He won’t provide a seed, and the universe itself likely won’t. The balance would be disturbed if it worked out any other way than this.”
“You are truly a being of evil,” Gabriel complained. “It is your disaster. Clean up after yourself this time, or Sariel will cry, and I cannot tolerate Sariel when he cries. It is most annoying.”
“That’s only because Sariel is delightfully twisted for an archangel and does His work on the mortal coil while seducing mortal women. He hasn’t fallen because he’s disgustingly honest about it and loyal to the death with the mortals he claims. And Agares is disgustingly pure for a devil. They’re balanced, and they do balanced work on the mortal coil. But Sariel weakens. He’s been on the mortal coil too long.”
“He will attend to that, so don’t fret. Our brother will have plenty of power for what you need him for to complete your plans.”
I listened with interest, petting my kittens while marveling that the pair discussed unicorns. I’d grown up daydreaming about the stories I’d heard of them, but to learn they were real and the Devil had created them?
Life always found a way to become weirder than anticipated.
The Devil smirked. “Peeked, did you?”