“Honestly, after witnessing his lack of nipples, learning he can be a she at will isn’t even all that disturbing. But his lack of nipples? That’s just horribly disturbing.”
“You have a nipple fetish,” the Devil informed me.
I shrugged. “I know what I like, and I like a perfect chest with equally perfect nipples. It just happens you possess the perfect chest with equally perfect nipples. I’m afraid you’re just going to have to deal with it. I’m pretty sure my chest and my nipples are not nearly as lovely as yours.”
“That is not a challenge you wish to issue to me, Darlene. I will spend hours proving you wrong.”
“Talk, talk, talk. That’s what the women say, that men are all talk about that. While Gabriel wasn’t precisely lying, he left out the part about my general disinterest in a great deal of posturing for ten minutes with a chance of pregnancy. And yes, your brother told me you cannot have children. Something about your fall.” I dismissed the issue with a huff and a wave of my hand. “If I want a baby, I’ll steal an unwanted one from somewhere.”
“Is it stealing if the child is unwanted?”
“I’m not sure. Is it?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never stolen unwanted babies before.”
“You’re the Devil, and you’ve never stolen an unwanted baby? Wait. Have you ever stolen a baby?”
“I can’t say that I have. I have a great deal of fun with mortals who steal babies when they come to pay me a visit, however. I sometimes leave them stewing a little longer than I should to make sure they’ve learned their lesson before their next lives. When mortals say there are special places in hell for certain people? There truly are.”
Huh. “That’s good to know. Can I help decorate?”
“Why would we decorate the dungeons for them?”
“I meant with their blood, mostly.”
“We can discuss your decoration plans later. I have other plans for you right now.”
Gabriel reappeared, and he held a tray with four iced coffees, which he placed on the coffee table. He disappeared, and when he reappeared, he carried several bags from a pet store. “Here is everything you require for your kittens’ care. Do set up their litter boxes before you indulge, set out their beds so they can catch up on sleep, and the instructions on how to feed them is in a card in the bag along with their toys. Enjoy yourselves, but try not to enjoy yourselves too much.”
Gabriel vanished, and the Devil chuckled, rising to his feet. “Do take care of your kittens, my darling. I have exhaustive plans for you, and it wouldn’t do for us to be interrupted.”
I eased the kittens off my lap and headed for the bag, setting up everything with some help from some note cards with directions in the bag. The instant I put their black and white cat beds down, the kittens crawled into them, flopped, and went to sleep.
“They’re so cute,” I whispered.
“Kittens are devilishly cute. Now come get your drink. It’s time to make you purr.”
Thirteen
I’d found heaven located in the depths of hell.
I should have listened to Gabriel. There was a line between indulging and indulging too much, and I’d flung myself across it without any care of the consequences. I got the show I’d wanted, enjoying two of my iced coffees before the Devil decided he was finished behaving like a peacock and pounced to claim his reward.
As promised, he made me purr. Then, as he defined sin, he kept me purring until he broke my purr motor and left me a quivering mess. Long after I lost my voice, he carried me to his bathtub, resumed his general explorations, and wore me out until I could barely keep my eyes open. Only then did he declare himself satisfied, amusing himself with the bubbles while I lounged in the warm water and dozed.
I appreciated being able to use his perfect chest as my pillow.
Somehow, I’d found heaven located in the depths of hell.
A knock at the bathroom door made the Devil sigh. “Is nothing sacred? What is it?”
I cracked open an eye. Phenexia entered, and she held two folded towels, which she placed on the vanity. “Your sitting room is infested with sleeping succubi. You forgot to dampen your aura.”
“I didn’t forget. I just didn’t bother to do it. I am making a very important point. Have they seduced the entirety of my many hells yet?”
The succubus chuckled and shrugged. “Most of it. I would best describe that lot as jelly at the moment, for they’re incapable of doing anything other than quiver and ooze across the floor. I wisely paid the mortal coil a visit upon your retirement for the evening, so I missed the general festivities. Belial wishes for me to inquire with your lady if she would like to be rescued now that you have worked through your hunger.”
“That’s because you’re smart. She doesn’t require anyone to rescue her, although I will be putting her to bed after she’s soaked for a while longer. Have you successfully seduced your angel and human yet?”
She wrinkled her nose. “He’s being stubborn, and she thinks I’m amusing. They’re discussing the ‘m’ word. Apparently, I have to wait until we’re properly wed, and the only reason his family is permitting it is because they believe angels are honorable partners and impeccable mothers, except I’m the one who’ll be hauling our baby around during the pregnancy. That earned my welcome with the family, although they’re not sure about me at all. I’m here because of that horrible word.”
“It’s an important word,” I mumbled.
“You’re still capable of talking? Tsk, tsk,” the Devil replied, and he held me closer. “Speaking of the ‘m’ word, do make sure those succubi realize that winning their little game does involve that word, and it is not a vow they can break. If they want to give Darlene some entertainment, I am fine with that, but they need to keep their games tolerably civil. Influencing her at their leisure at opportune moments, for my enjoyment, is tolerable. They’d likely earn favor with me, especially as I’m rather enjoying this method of conversion. How long do you think it’ll take? What sort of delightful creature will she become?”
“She’ll become a succubus, of course. If you’re converting her that way, there are limited options, and as she seems to be enjoying your attention, it would be the one route that would ensure she’d receive more of your attention. As she’s not currently a succubus and cannot sustain herself through stealing your energy, you need to dry her off, either wrap her in a towel or dress her, take her into the sitting room or dining room, and feed her. After she’s been fed, you can tuck her into your bed and hover while she rests. I need you to convince my father he has to play at being mortal, else I can’t get married. Do you know what my father did when I asked?”
“He laughed at you.”
“He laughed at me,” she confirmed.
“Did you see the kittens?”
“They’re on your bed. They hissed at the succubi stampede and invited themselves to your pillows. I checked on them before coming in here. They are Lady Darlene’s kittens?”
“They’re her kittens, a gift from Him.”