‘Did he tell you why?’ I finally managed to force out from a throat that was so completely swollen and twisted with emotion that I was having trouble swallowing.
‘No… I’m sorry, Bee, he didn’t.’
Her hand reached out to grasp mine and I closed my eyes at the touch of her comforting hand on mine.
‘I don’t know what happened… he said he had to go and then he left. It was as though something inside of him just snapped. He shut down and took off.’
I continued to watch the dragonflies dancing their way around us both. Their sweeping motion was mesmerising, and it kept me from focussing too hard on the pain that was unfolding deep inside of me.
‘Do you know what many myths and legends say about dragonflies?’
‘Pardon?’ I turned my head to properly look at Nonna for the first time since she’d sat down, wondering exactly just what she was on about.
‘Legend has it that they were one of the first winged insects to evolve. In many cultures the dragonfly symbolizes the ability to change and to transform.’
‘It does?’ I couldn’t believe I was even interested in what she wanted to tell me, but here we both sat surrounded by the still and dark night, watching the only things that were visible from the lighting spaced out around the pool.
‘Yes,’ she continued. ‘But it’s not the same sort of change you see in say, a caterpillar to butterfly… No, this is about understanding the deeper implications and maybe even the meaning of life itself. Dragonflies only live a short life as we can see them now, most of their lives are spent as immature nymphs and they fly for only a tiny fraction of their life. Yet here they are dancing and swooping in flight and living in the moment. When you live in the moment, it makes you more focussed on who you are and what you want and even what you are capable of. With that understanding comes the enlightening truth that anyone can in part control their own destiny.’
Her hand squeezed mine momentarily before she carried on.
‘Their iridescent wings seem almost magical, don’t they?’ she asked.
I was focussing on the creatures she was talking about and only nodded to answer her.
‘Their iridescence is the most magical part, I think. It’s about discovering your own ability to change, finding your real self, exposing the person you were always meant to be and throwing aside the mantle you’ve surrounded yourself with. That means going beyond what you can see in front of you at first and embracing what you find beneath it.’
‘This isn’t about the dragonflies… It’s about Nico and me, isn’t it?’
She laughed a little and squeezed my hand again before relaxing her grip.
‘Of course. I’m not going to lie, I watched the two of you on some of the many evenings you spent down here watching exactly what we are watching now and thought how very apt it was that the two of you found them so enchanting.’
‘You did.’
‘Uh huh. Call it an old woman’s pleasure watching love grow between one of her beloved grandsons and a woman who I now consider like a granddaughter to me. One who I can tell has felt more than her own fair share of pain.’
Everything I had been forcing to stay deep inside me came spilling out on one breath.
‘I’m in more pain than I ever thought possible, right at this minute. He’s left me and I know he made it seem like it was because there is a problem back in Vegas, but I know it’s not. One minute we were so together, then in the space of a split second he’d effectively tried to sever our connection. Then he walked away.’
The sobs I’d been holding in until right at that moment came brimming to the surface and overflowed. I couldn’t hold them in any longer and I couldn’t have cared who heard the anguish I was now feeling. My body shook uncontrollably, and my chest heaved as the pain he had left me with, escaped. I hadn’t heard Kendall come down, but the second she put her warm arm across my cold shoulders, I knew it was her and I leant my head towards her to receive the embrace she was offering.
‘Oh, Bee… what’s he playing at?’ she offered as she kissed the side of my head.
‘I don’t know,’ I answered her in a voice filled with emotion.
‘But I think I do, Bee.’ Nonna spoke again. ‘I want you to sit here with us and cry, and then I want you to get up and fight for him. Fight like you’ve never fought for anything before in your life… because you promised me you would do exactly that on your wedding day. Fight for him, but also fight for yourself. You are in control of this chapter of your life… do you hear me?’
‘What if he just doesn’t want to be with me?’ I released the words out of my mouth, knowing they scared me more than anything I’d gone through before.
‘That is so not true, he wants you but feels he doesn’t deserve you…’ She stopped speaking for a second, almost lost in thought. ‘Bee, it’s the dragonflies’ eyes that I feel are the most significant to Nico,’ Nonna continued. ‘Between the two of you over the last few months you have helped each other to live in the moment and to control your own destiny. I even saw him throwing aside the disguise he has worn for many years and enjoying the person he found underneath it. But this is the one part of himself he still hasn’t managed to embrace yet. You see, a dragonfly’s eyes symbolize the ability to see beyond the way you see yourself to get past the self-created illusions. Unfortunately, Nico is convinced he’s the same as his father.’
‘That could be it,’ I offered, looking down at the cross still between my fingers. ‘Something happened when he saw his mamma’s cross and chain on me. I’d worn it up to the church, along with the pin he’d had made for our wedding.’
‘I think you could be right, Bee… You see, my son was a monster. An unfeeling, sadistic madman. He drove Nico and Cade’s mamma into taking her life and abused them in ways they think I know nothing about…’ Pain left her mouth on an exhaled breath. ‘He’s convinced he’s the same, Bee. No matter how hard I’ve tried to convince him differently.’
‘You think he left me because he was reminded of his mamma?’
‘I think it’s possible. I’m sorry, I should have thought about what giving you her necklace would mean to him. She was a beautiful and kind woman who thought only of her children. I wanted her there with us, to celebrate his marriage. She always said he was a man who would need the love only a wife could give, and I wanted her to know that he’d found her.’
‘Do you really think he loves me?’
‘I think you know the answer to that already, Bee,’ Kendall added, and I whipped my head around to take in the fact she was nodding her head as she spoke.
For a few minutes we sat in silence, the two of them had effectively wrapped themselves around me to offer me their strength.
‘The last of the legends of these beautiful creatures in front of us, the ones who are still dancing, swooping and embracing life, is that they represent happiness, new beginnings and change. But ultimately, they symbolise love and there is nothing greater than love, is there? Nico loves you with all that he is. Now all you have to do is to convince him that he is strong enough to throw away the hold his father put on him and convince him he’s worthy of you.’