I couldn’t eat the dinner and after receiving condolences from everyone in the entire town, I’m completely wrecked. I’m sitting on the church steps with my heels kicked off and resting next to me.
Most of the guests have gone by now and only a few close family members linger. Perry is talking to Walker’s dad on the sidewalk in front of the church. I like the fact they can tell stories about him and smile of his memory. That’s what Walker would have wanted.
Sloan slips by me, hand in hand with Johnny. She pauses on the bottom step, whispering to him. He kisses her cheek and then walks away. I raise an eyebrow when she walks up the steps again and sits beside me. Her short, fluffy dress bunches around her.
She keeps her eyes focused forward, her pale pink lips pursing with a breath. “I know I’m not your favorite person, but I was around enough to love Walker too. I love all of you guys and I hate that this is where we are now.”
I nod, looking over at her as she wipes her eyes.
“And, I want you to know that even if you don’t want it, I’m here for you.” She reaches over and grabs my hand. “If it were Perry, I’m sure you’d do the same for me.”
I give her hand a squeeze as Perry begins to make his way over.
“Thank you, Sloan. Really.”
Sloan smiles back at me, but then it fades when Perry stops in front of us. His posture is rigid and she tenses beside me because he still doesn’t glance in her direction.
“You ready to go?” he asks me.
I nod, reaching for my discarded heels. Sloan stands and smooths out her dress. She’s staring at him, but he’s focused on me.
“I’ll give you a ride,” Perry says, picking my handbag up off the step.
Sloan bites her lip, but still remains silent. Perry finally looks over at her and nods. He grabs my hand, pulling me forward before muttering over his shoulder, “Thank you for coming.”
I don’t turn back to look at her face, but I can only imagine the shock she must feel for finally coming in second.
14
Fate
Tess- Now
When we get back to the shop, Perry comes inside. He hesitates by the doorway as I lay my bag and keys down on the counter. His warm, brown eyes are red and tired while he watches me.
“Perry,” I say, turning around to face him.
“Yes.”
I take a breath. “If I asked you to do something for me, would you think about it?”
He smiles. “Bishop, I would do anything you asked me to do. Just say the word.”
“Would you…stay with me tonight? I don’t really want to be alone.”
He smiles again, walking over to hug me to his side. “That’s not a problem. I’m getting fairly used to your couch. It’s quite comfy.”
I shake my head. “No, like sleep next to me.” I cover my face with my hands unable to look at him. I feel him try to pry my fingers back.
“Hey, talk to me. Why are you embarrassed?”
I laugh once. “I just asked you to sleep with me after husband’s memorial. How fucked up is that?”
He finally gets my hands away from my face and brushes my hair behind my shoulders. “It’s not fucked up. I don’t like to be alone either. Especially in times like these.”
“So, you’ll stay?”
He leans down and kisses my temple. “Of course.”
When Perry follows me upstairs, it doesn’t feel intimate. I mean, lying in bed next to another man other than Walker is something I’ve never done, but with Perry—I’m not afraid. I’m not nervous or worried that things will go too far, because I know they won’t.
As we enter my bedroom and he starts to take his clothes off—that’s when I get nervous. I turn away from him and reach into my drawer for a T-shirt and slip into the bathroom to change. For a guy, I’m sure it’s perfectly normal to just strip naked in front of a girl. It’s perfectly normal for some girls to do it too, but that’s not me. The closest I’ve ever come to seeing Perry naked was when we all went skinny dipping at the lake. If I hadn’t shielded my eyes so much, and the moon was a little bit brighter, I might have some idea what all the fuss is about.
The preview I got the other night was shielded by boxer briefs—albeit very nicely fitted ones.
I slip the T-shirt over my head after removing my dress and wipe the make-up from my face. What little that remains is smeared from crying so much today. My eyes look puffy and my cheeks are blotchy. I’m not sure why I care so much. It’s not like he’ll be able to see me in the dark anyway.
When I walk back into the room, he’s seated on the edge of my bed in just his boxers, scrolling through his phone. His back is turned to me, but I can the see the tension in his muscles as his fingers type at furious pace.
“Everything okay?” I ask, walking toward the bed.
He sighs, but then turns to me and smiles. “Yeah, it’s fine. This is nothing.” He tosses his phone to the chair beside my bed and stands, stretching his arms above his head. I watch every cut line of his torso flex with his movement and my stomach flips. Maybe this is a bad idea?
Before I can change my mind, I slip under the covers and flick off the lamp. The tiny window only allows a minimal amount of light into the room, so I can only hear him moving next to me in the darkness until my eyes start to adjust.
“Bishop?”
“Yeah?”
“I think I fucked up.”
I laugh a little, turning on my side to face him. He mirrors my movements and leans his head against his hand.
“Why’s that?”
He runs the ball of his tongue ring across his top teeth for a moment. My eyes follow it as it moves along, skimming his lip.
“I don’t think I should have started things up with Sloan.”
I roll my eyes. “That’s an understatement.”
He chuckles, shaking the bed. “Yeah, I thought you’d say that. But you know how it is. Once you love someone it’s hard to stop.”
I close my eyes as a new rush of pain comes over me. I know the feeling all too well. I feel Perry’s hand come over mine.
“I’m sorry. It’s bullshit of me to feel bad when you’re going through this.”
I shake my head. “No, it’s okay. I’ve had a long time to come terms with my loss. Yours just keeps getting reopened over and over again. That would be so much harder.”
“You have no idea,” he breathes.
I reach my hand over and run my fingertips down the side of his face. He closes his eyes as I speak. “Perry, I know you think you’re a bad person, but you’re not.” His eyes open and I keep going before he can protest. “And she doesn’t deserve you. She never did.”
It goes so long before he speaks, I’m afraid he won’t—but then he says something that makes my heart stop altogether.
“As selfish as it would have been, sometimes I wish I would have kissed you that night at your birthday party. Maybe it would have saved us all a lot of heartache.”
My mouth suddenly gets dry. “Why’s that?”
“Because if I kissed you, we would have ended up together. Me and Walker probably would have gotten into a fight, ending our friendship. Jeremy would have been forced to choose sides, which means we never would have entered that derby together, and if we never entered that derby we would have never won, and there would have been no celebration afterwards, and…”