“We’ve both wasted a lot of time. Maybe if we stop keeping track, time won’t matter anymore.”
An infinite number of days sprawled out before me. Early mornings, maple donuts, and sex before noon. Coffee and messy hair and sleep swollen lips.
“I like that,” I said. “Just us, no more past or present.”
“Me and you… Wild… it’s all I want.”
JAX
“It’s a day program.” Ethan reached across the table and grabbed the ketchup.
“Is it… like a school or something?” Jason asked, his expression pinched and uncomfortable.
“Yeah.... You go in the mornings. Plus, it’s by the beach. It’s supposed to be an amazing program.”
“How did you hear about it?” I asked.
“You know the new guy at Harley’s?”
“Chance.”
“His sister goes four days a week. She loves Benchmark. He said she works one on one with an occupational therapist who specializes in TBI rehabilitation. And, there’s the whole social aspect… he has the opportunity to make some friends.”
“Friends?” Jason stared at his burger, twisting his napkin in his hands.
“Don’t you get tired of sitting ’round the house with Momma all the time?” I asked. “This could be good for you, buddy.”
“What if no one there likes to fish?” Jason raised his eyes.
“I’m sure someone might.” I placed my hand on his arm and he relaxed. “Tell you what… why don’t you, Momma, and I check it out, and if you hate it, we’ll never talk about it again.”
“And if I think it’s stupid I don’t have to go?”
“I promise.”
His apprehension fading, he agreed. “Okay… I like that it’s by the beach.”
I wished they would have had something like this nearby when he’d had his accident. Who knew what possibilities he missed out on because we lived in the sticks? He’d work so hard on his physical therapy, but the doctors had made it seem like he’d always be stuck developmentally. It wasn’t good to dwell on what could have been, medical stuff changed all the time, and if this school could help him, then I’d do everything I could to pay for it.
“I’ll ask Chance to email me the info tomorrow at work and send it to you.”
“Thanks. I really appreciate it.”
I was afraid to even think about it, for fear that I might jinx myself, but everything had begun to click into place. Two weeks ago, when I’d left Georgia, I had no idea how I would get through it all. I had no idea if Wild would let me back in, or if my mom would throw me out. I could’ve lost everyone I cared about. But I was glad Wild had taught me to be brave. My life wasn’t perfect by any means. Mom was distant, but every day she made some progress. This morning she’d asked me where Wild’s next tour stop was. I’d tried not to look too surprised, afraid I’d make her change her mind about asking me things. It was one question, but it was a big step. I could see her changing. She’d stopped talking to Ms. Arlene. That old bat had the nerve to tell Mom she was going to hell for allowing Jason to hang out with Ethan. I don’t doubt that my mom might’ve agreed with her, but she hadn’t allowed it to alter her decision. It made me hope she’d taken what I’d said to heart the night I’d come out to her. No, things definitely were not perfect, but the possibilities I had now felt endless.
“What’s going on with that job you applied for in Atlanta?” Ethan asked.
“They scheduled an interview two weeks out,” I said. “The pay is better than what Jim ever gave me, and when I get my contracting license I’ll be set.”
“That’s awesome.” Ethan laughed when Jason grumbled. “Or maybe it’s not…”
“I’d get Fridays off, Jay. I could come home for long visits sometimes… and if you do end up liking that school, you’ll forget about me anyway.” I smiled around a bite of cheeseburger when he scowled.
“I would not,” he said, adamant.
“I’m just joking, bud.”
His eyes widened and his face brightened. “Could I come visit you and your boyfriend?” he asked, too loud, and I swear to God the whole diner went quiet.
Ethan snickered and I coughed, choking on the burger I’d just swallowed.
“Sure, Jay,” I said once I could breathe again. “I don’t see why not. Wild isn’t much into fishing, but we could teach him.”
Just the idea of Wild sitting on a riverbank sweating and swatting at bugs made me smile. I could hear him bitching already. But having him interact with my brother, having the people I loved the most with me, was worth all the complaining.
“I could drive him up if you wanted,” Ethan offered. “Even your mom if she could sit next to me that long.”
“She could,” Jason assured him, eager as hell. “I’ve never been to Atlanta.”
He had but didn’t remember, and I wasn’t about to tell him.
“We’ll see… Wild has to come home first though.”
The waitress came by and filled our waters, not so subtly staring at Ethan, her eyes darting between us. The whole damn town knew he was gay now, not that he cared. But every time someone looked at him like he had some kind of disease I wanted to punch them.
“Wilder’s in Birmingham, right?” Ethan asked.
“Yeah…” He was too damn far away, if you asked me. “I miss him… I wish the last time we saw each other hadn’t been a fight.”
“You should go see him.” Ethan leaned back in his chair. “Surprise him at his next stop.”
“You think?” I asked. “He’s busy, might not have a lot of time—”
“Trust me… he’d make time,” Ethan waggled his brows. “Don’t tell him you’re coming and show up at the signing. He’ll flip his shit.”
“That’s a bad word,” Jason reminded him for the tenth time today.
Ethan held his hand over his mouth.
“I’m sorry,” he said, muffled. And when he pulled his hand from his lips, my brother grinned.
“I shouldn’t spend that much money…”
“Says who?” Ethan asked, looking at me like I had a screw loose.
“My paycheck.”
“Excuse… go see your boyfriend,” he whispered.
The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to make it happen. I pulled out my phone and opened up the calendar Wild had emailed me. He left Birmingham early tomorrow morning for Nashville where he would be for two days before heading to North Carolina.
“How much do you think a ticket to Nashville would cost with this short of notice?” I asked.
“Probably a million dollars,” Jason said.
“Probably.” Ethan chuckled. “But that’s what credit cards are for, right, Jax?”
I had some money in savings, and it was reckless to spend it, especially if Jason liked that school. An image of Wild’s dark eyes, his delicate neck, his skin under my fingertips flashed through my head. Christ, I could practically taste him. I needed to feel him again, stay up all night and listen to his voice as he told me about his trip. I loved the way he explained things. Everything was a story. Wild liked actions over words, he liked big fucking gestures. Spending God knows what on a plane ticket wouldn’t seem so bad when I got to see the look on his face, and if I left early enough, I could make it to the signing.