“I wish I had an answer, but I don’t.” He pulled away and my arms fell to my sides. “Maybe if I give her time to calm down… I don’t want to rush it and have it blow up in my face.”
“Rush it?” He laughed without humor.
Anger rolled off his shoulders as he paced the living room. The trust he’d gifted to me faded with each step he took.
“I just need you to give me some time.”
“All I have ever given you is time, Jax.”
“I told you this morning that today wasn’t a goodbye and I meant it. Whether I leave now, or you leave next week. We knew this wasn’t gonna be easy.”
“How much longer do you need before it’s the right moment to tell her? A month? A year… or maybe nine.” His eyes glassy, he said, “You know what… take all the time you need, but I’m taking my time back. I can’t do it, Jax. I can’t watch you leave again. Because I know what’s going to happen.”
“You don’t know…” I said, raising my voice.
Wild crossed his arms over his chest, closing himself up, and shutting me out as I walked toward him.
“You’re not giving me a chance.”
“I thought I already did.” Wild turned away from me as my phone rang in my pocket. “You better answer that.”
He picked up his car keys from the table.
“Where are you going?”
He was slipping away.
“I need some air.” His bright eyes flat, he turned to open the front door. “I assume you’ll be gone by the time I get back?”
“Wild… wait.” My voice cracked, and he stopped inside the doorway. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” His words trembled as he turned to look at me with tears running down his cheeks. “It’ll never be enough though.”
“I know you think I’m lying…” I said, my entire body shaking with the urge to reach out and pull him into my arms. I couldn’t lose him again. “You think I’m gonna go back to Bell River and forget the promises I made to you. To myself. You can walk out that door, Wild… But it doesn’t mean I’m not gonna come back for you.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” he said, and shut the door, leaving me behind like I’d left him nine years ago.
The weather was shit on my way back to Bell River, adding another hour to my drive. It had taken me a solid thirty minutes to calm Jason down once I’d had a chance to call him. And by the time I spoke with Jim, packed my shit, and got Rosie ready, the afternoon was half gone. The sun had set about two hours ago, and as I pulled up the gravel driveway to my house, I was surprised all the lights were on. I figured my mom would have told Jason to go to bed early, hoping to avoid a fight with me, but as my headlights lit up the front door, it opened. Jason peeked his head out, and when he realized it was me, he came running.
I put the car in park and left the engine on as I got out. Jason slammed into me, breathing hard, his arms cinched around me like a vise. He shuddered as I squeezed him back. I hadn’t been away from my brother for this long since before the accident, and having him in my arms, seeing him cry like this, it sent me over the edge. A sob wrenched past my lips, and I held him tighter, afraid to let go, afraid of what would happen when I walked through that front door. Everything poured out of me, the fight I had with Wild, the uncertainty of what would happen between us, and the hope I had that maybe it would all be okay.
“I missed you so much, Jax.”
Taking a ragged breath, I found my voice. “God, buddy, I missed you, too.”
Rosie barked from the back seat, and Jason’s head shot up, rubbing at his nose with the back of his hand. His eyes were swollen from crying, but as he got a better look into the car, a smile burst across his cheeks.
“You got a dog?” he hollered and ran for the car.
Rosie jumped out as he opened the back door and took off running. She wheeled around when I whistled, and almost took Jason out at the knees.
“I got her for you,” I said.
“No way.” He scratched her behind the ears, and as he bent down, she licked his face. “What’s her name.”
“Rosie.”
He wrinkled his nose. “That’s a dumb name, Jax.”
Laughing, I asked, “You know how much you like the Goonies?”
“Yeah, it’s the best movie ever.”
“That’s how I feel about Lord of the Rings.”
“That’s the really long movie you watch sometimes?”
“Yeah, a good friend of mine made me watch it and I loved it. I even read all the books. Rosie’s named for one of the characters.”
“Cool,” he said unimpressed, and she licked his face again. “Do you think Mom will let us keep her?”
“I already got her permission.”
He stood up and glanced back at the house. “She might not let me have Rosie now.”
“Why do you say that? Because of what happened today?”
He pushed his hands into the pockets of his gym shorts. “Yeah.”
I pulled him into a hug. “That’s got nothing to do with you, alright?”
“Jaxon?” My mom called from the porch and Rosie ran toward her.
“Hey, Momma. Let me grab my stuff. I’ll come inside in a minute.” Jason turned in on himself, his mood shifting. “Would you look after Rosie while I talk to Mom? There’s food for her in the back seat. I bet she’s hungry.”
“Can I show her my room?”
“You better, that’s where she’ll sleep.”
His smile returned as he called her name. I handed him the food from the back, and when he headed inside, I shut off the engine and grabbed my things. I left the crate, folded up in the trunk for now, figuring Jason would benefit from having Rosie by his side as much as possible.
Being away hadn’t changed anything, not that I thought it would, but as I walked into the house, it no longer felt like my home.
“She sure is cute,” Mom said from the kitchen as Rosie trotted around her legs. “Jason loves her already.”
“She’s easy to love.”
Jason patted his leg and Rosie followed him toward his bedroom.
“How was the drive? I heard it was raining cats and dogs along I-85.” Mom moved around the kitchen, trying to make herself look busy. Fussing over nothing, she kept her eyes on the counter as she wiped it.
“What happened today, Momma?”
She raised her eyebrows, her lips pinched tight. “Well, I’m sure that … friend of yours told you everything you need to know. It’s embarrassing, having Jason running around with that boy.”
“I want to hear it from you.” She didn’t answer, avoiding me, she kept cleaning. “Momma, stop, you’re gonna wear a hole in the damn counter.”
“Did you know, Jax… that he was a homosexual?” she whispered the last word.
The guilt I’d once harbored bled into rage. “What if I did? Ethan’s a good man. He’s good for Jason.”
Her tone was quiet and clipped. “Whether or not he’s a good man is for God to decide, but he is not good for Jason. What if he’d try something, Jaxon?”