First rule in a relationship, always be open and honest to your partner about your feelings. Don’t suppress how you feel to cater to their needs. The only person left unhappy is you. Change it and control your happiness.
Lies and Deception
Simon and I had been trying for six months with no success due to my deception. I was still on the pill and he was none the wiser. Simon suggested that we book an appointment with the doctor to get a check up to ensure that everything was OK with the both of us. Of course, I thought it was unnecessary but didn’t voice my concerns as that would only lead to suspicion and for now, he truly believed that I wanted a child with him.
Our relationship continued to go from strength to strength. There were no side chicks lurking in the background, he was fully devoted to me and made every effort to show me that I was his number one priority, besides his business.
Simon’s attitude had changed. It was like he was the old Simon, the one I fell in love with in the beginning. Things with Chanel had improved. Chanel had recently given birth to little boy, Josiah King Brown-Witton, and he was adorable. Chanel was a wonderful mother. Her attitude had changed. Her concern was her family and making sure that Josiah had everything that he needed. Chanel made me godmother for which I was honored and shocked after our recent events. The love and the bond we shared was still there and I was eternally grateful for that.
Chanel and I were both commuting. Chanel had recently got her council flat and Malachi moved in to help out with Josiah whilst Chanel was at uni. Chanel had been bugging me to tell Simon that I did not want a baby.
‘Dee, you have to tell Simon that your heart’s not in to having a baby right now.’
‘Chanel, if I tell him that he will leave me and things have been so good lately between us.’
‘Dee, if he loves you, he will respect your decision.’
‘Chanel, I hear you trust me, but I’m scared.’
‘Dee, it’s the right the thing to do. Imagine if he finds out that you have been lying to him. The man thinks you’re off your contraceptive pills.’
‘Chanel, I can never tell him that I am still on the pill. He will kill me.’
‘So, imagine if he finds out in the wrong way.’
‘Chanel, your right. I’m gonna tell him. I just need to find the right time.’
‘Dee, there is no right time.’
‘I know, but things have been so good. I’m scared he will just go back to his old ways.’
‘Dee, if he loves you, he won’t and if he’s serious about making it work and having a family with you, things won’t change. He might be pissed but he will eventually come around.’
‘You’re right. I’m going to tell him over the weekend.’
‘Good, sounds like a plan.’
‘Thanks, Chanel. How are things with you and Malachi?’
‘It’s OK, could be better. Having a baby puts a strain on your relationship but it helps that our parents are very hands on which gives us some alone time.’
‘I can only imagine.’
‘That’s another reason not to rush having kids — they change everything.’
‘I can see, but you make it look easy.’
‘Girl, this shit is hard but I wouldn’t change it. Josiah is my life. I can’t fail because of him.’
‘I hear you, very true, but on a real Chanel, your snap back was real, you don’t look like you have had a baby.’
‘LOL, thanks, Dee, I do try.’
‘Anyway, Chanel, I’m gonna make a move and head to my nan’s. I haven’t seen her in a while.’
‘That’s cool. Tell your nan I said hi.’
‘Will do, hun. Bye.’
‘Bye, Dee.’
Chanel had made some real valid points and she was right. I have to tell Simon or I will end up losing him if I don’t. My nan was always good with things like that. I decided to get some advice from her, plus, it had been a while since I had spent some quality time with my nan.
‘Hey, Nan, how are you?’
‘Getting old. What brings you here?’
‘Nothing, just wanted to see you. Is that a crime?’
‘I guess not. You’re normally preoccupied with that fool fool boy, Simon.’
‘Nan, stop, he’s not that bad.’
‘If you say so, Davina.’
‘Yes, Nan, I do.’
‘How’s uni? You soon finish your second year.’
‘Uni’s good, Nan. I can’t wait to finish.’
‘It’ll soon come. Don’t be in a rush. Cherish these times because life will pass you by real quick, so enjoy these moments.’
‘I will, Nan.’
‘What are your plans after uni?’
‘Not sure yet.’
‘Hope you’re not thinking about having a baby after uni.’
‘Why do you say that?’
‘Just have a funny feeling plus I’ve been dreaming about fishes so I know someone will soon get pregnant and it better not be you, Davina, that’s all I’m saying.’
‘No, Nan, I’m not thinking about having a baby.’
‘OK, good, and make sure it stays that way.’
‘One thing to be dating Simon. A baby will mean that you have to deal with this man for the next eighteen years and trust me, that is a long ass time.’
‘LOL, thanks, Nan, for the advice.’
‘Davina, I’m dead ass serious.’
‘Yes, Nan, I hear you loud and clear.’
Crazy how the topic came up organically without me having to bring it up. My nan had made some valid points. Do I really want to be stuck with Simon for the next eighteen years? Mmmmmm, that was some real food for thought. A baby is a life-changing decision and I don’t think he’s really thought about the impact that it will have on our lives. Nothing will change for him. He will still do what he wants when he wants whereas I will have to adjust to having a baby with me 24/7.
No thanks, that’s not my portion, right now and I have to make him see sense and where I’m coming from. I just knew that this conversation was not going to go in my favour.
As fate would have it Simon was at home when I got in. Simon and I had decided to move in together on a permanent basis. I gave up my council place and moved in with Simon. Everything had been going fine but I knew tonight would be different. Simon had just finished cooking dinner, lamb and roast potatoes. I decided over dinner that I would approach the subject.
‘Hey, babe, how was your day?’
‘Same old. Business is slow at the moment.’
‘Ooh OK, hopefully it picks up again soon.’
‘Yeah, I’m hoping, man. Can’t make plans with low income.’
‘Nah, it will, babe. Just stay positive.’
‘Yeah, man, I will.’
‘So, babe, I was thinking that we should put off having a baby for another two years just to get ourselves sorted properly.’
‘Pardon, Davina?’
‘I’m just saying for us to have a solid plan before we decide to have a child together.’
‘Are you asking me or telling me?’
‘I’m trying to have a discussion with you.’