‘Dee, I’m not gonna lie. This all sounds crazy and you seem too relaxed about the situation.’
‘Trust me, Chanel. I have cried a million tears. I’m just over the situation. I just want things to go back to the way it was in the beginning.’
‘Dee, that’s never going to happen. This man is about to be a dad, that means Trina will be in his life forever and you’re never going to know whether he’s still sleeping with her. What you gonna do? Go with him when he goes to see his child?’
‘No, I’m not. I believe him. She was a mistake and he promised that he’s not still sleeping with her.’
‘And you believe him? After I just caught him the other day with another chick? Come on, Dee, I know you can’t be that naïve. Simon’s playing you for some fool, gal, sorry.’
‘I knew telling you was a bad idea. As usual Ms Judgmental because your life so perfect, right, and you have never made a mistake?’
‘Dee, I’m not trying to be judgmental. I just care a lot about you and want you to see Simon for the guy he really is. But I’m your friend first and I will support you with no more judgments ok!’
‘Thank you. That’s all I wanted from you.’
OK, so I didn’t tell Chanel the full story but just look at her reaction about the pregnancy. How the hell is she going to react if I tell her Simon been abusing me? This was one secret that I would have to keep to myself. I did feel that some weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Having to carry all these secrets had me depressed and low. I had to off load and share my burden with the one person I trusted the most in this world — my best friend.
And even though she was not happy and made it clear how she felt about the situation and her assumptions of what Simon was getting up to she put that aside and put our friendship first and for that I was grateful in that moment.
I need to leave this relationship. I’m just scared of being alone. Surely I deserve better so why don’t I want better for myself?
When a person shows their character, believe that is them, stop making excuses and trying to change them. Either accept them for who they are or move on!
Life Sucks
To say that I was shattered and embarrassed was an understatement. Simon had slowly started to trash my reputation around the area, saying the reason why he cheated was because I didn’t please him sexually.
My issue was simple with Simon. I refused to give him oral, knowing that he was cheating on me, Simon had given me chlamydia three times, and still refused to acknowledge his wrong doings. It was a constant argument between us.
‘I mean, for fuck’s sake, if you’re going to cheat, why can’t you use protection?’
‘Davina, I’m sick of you accusing me of cheating all the time.’
‘So, how the fuck did I get chlamydia then?’
‘Who the fuck knows. You act like you’re perfect but you’re not.’
‘And what the fuck is that meant to mean?’
‘Just like I said, for all I know you could have been fucking someone else.’
‘You’re just pathetic. Just accept you’re a fucked-up person.’
‘Davina, you chat so much shit. I’m out.’
As usual, typical Simon walks out on an argument, never sticks around to resolve the matter. In his eyes I’m wrong because he wouldn’t be cheating if I just gave him oral. The fact is, he likes the attention that these whores give him. They feed his ego and encourage his lifestyle. Whereas I’m trying to help him better himself, help him to turn his money legit without having to worry about the police.
This was life with Simon but I loved him and refused to break up with him. I really believed that he was a grand prize and I knew that these vultures wanted to sink their dirty hands into him and that was never going to happen.
I had officially moved to Manchester for uni. However, things weren’t great. I thought that this was would be the perfect break that I needed. Yet, I had constant anxiety attacks wondering what Simon was getting up to. Simon had even popped up after a rave one night to check on me which caused a massive argument between Simon and Chanel. I was torn between my best friend and my boyfriend. Chanel had made her feelings clear. She was done interfering in my relationship and would no longer stand for the constant disrespect that Simon was giving her.
I couldn’t blame her to be honest. All I ever wanted was for my best friend and boyfriend to get along. But that was wishful thinking because that was never going to happen.
Apart from this, uni was enjoyable. I loved the degree that I chosen which was Economics with Business Studies. I was hoping after my degree to get a job as a trader. Things between Chanel and I had become very rocky. We hardly spoke to each other. Chanel had a new man, his name was Malachi. I was jealous of the way Malachi treated Chanel, he was the perfect gentleman. I treated him like dirt because of my own insecurities, which had caused a rift in our friendship. Chanel had picked up on it and had confronted me about it.
‘Dee, Malachi thinks you don’t like him. Is that true?’
‘It’s not that I don’t like him, I just think you guys are moving fast.’
‘Dee, that’s not for you say. It’s my relationship and I would appreciate it if you kept your opinions to yourself.’
‘Fine, I will. But when he breaks your heart don’t say I didn’t warn you.’
‘You should take your own advice.’
‘And what is that meant to mean?’
‘Exactly what I said. Take your own advice because your relationship is a joke. You’re a working doormat for a drug dealer!’
‘Chanel, shut the fuck up. You’re just jealous because Simon spoils me and your man is broke.’
‘I would rather have a broke man, than an unfaithful trash bag.’
‘I really hope Malachi doesn’t break your heart because you’re acting really ignorant right now.’
‘Dee, kiss my ass, you spiteful BITCH.’
This argument had got out of hand and my jealousy played a big part. Since the argument, Chanel kept her distance. I tried to apologise but the damage had been done and Chanel was not ready to forgive me.
‘Chanel, can I speak to you for minute?’
‘Yeah, what do you want?’
‘I just wanted to apologise for the things I said the other day. I was just lashing out because of the situation with Simon and Trina.’
‘Dee, that’s not an excuse to say the hurtful things that you said. I have always defended you and rooted for you and you throw that all back in my face for what?’
‘I know I acted like a bitch towards you and I was wrong. Can we move forward from this please?’
‘Dee, I love you but for now I think it’s just best that we keep our distance from each other. I can’t stand here and lie and say you didn’t hurt my feelings bad and that I’m happy about your relationship. Simon has changed you and it’s not for the good. You have lost yourself trying to please him and live up to his expectations and I can no longer sit back and watch you demean yourself for a man that was never worthy of your love.’
‘OK, I respect what you have said and hope with time we can be back to normal. I miss our friendship I miss you.’