See, right there, was my biggest mistake. Listening to my heart instead of my head. If a man has the ability to hit you and show no remorse, he will always behave in this manner. Look out for these warning signs; you can’t change these flaws within a person.
A woman scorned is a woman hurt. Never trust a woman scorned she will always get her revenge one day.
Welcome to my Hell
Every since the incident with Simon things changed drastically between us. His attitude and behaviour changed. He was mean, aggressive, rude and inconsiderate of my feelings. He flaunted the women that he cheated on me with. Simon openly cheated and didn’t care and always said
‘Davina, you’re mine. You’re not going anywhere so get that through your head now and play your position.’
What the hell did he mean by play my position? Simon calls me wifey, therefore am I meant to be OK with his cheating because I’m the one he claims? This was not the relationship that I signed up to. Simon’s lack of respect was blatant. Chanel had caught Simon kissing some Hispanic girl in his car right outside my house.
‘Dee, I’ve just seen Simon outside your house with some Hispanic chick.’
‘Chanel what was he doing?’
‘Girl, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the fool was all up in that chick’s face, kissing her.’
‘I swear it’s just one thing after another with this dude. I don’t know how much more I can take.’
‘Dee, what else has happened?’
‘Just saying, that’s all.’
‘Dee, I know your lying so when you’re ready to talk, let me know. I’m not gonna force you to tell me.’
‘I appreciate the love, truss.’
‘OK, girl, I will call you in a bit. I was coming round but I’m guessing there is about to be some drama.’
‘Girl, you don’t even know the half. I will call you later.’
I mean, if he was going to cheat at least be discreet about it. I haven’t even told Chanel about Trina and the baby and his pulling this shit, it’s just embarrassing. I keep lying and pretending that he’s a good guy but who am I fooling? Everyone knows his dog and I’m allowing him to make me look like a mug. More fool me. I only have myself to blame for this.
As soon as Simon entered I was on his ass.
‘Who was that girl in your car?’
‘Davina, I don’t know what you talking about.’
‘Don’t fucking lie to me. You had a bitch in your car.’
‘Davina, calm the fuck down. So what if I had a chick in my car. You’re so fucking dramatic.’
‘Do you have to be so disrespectful? At least try and be discreet about your shit!’
‘Ha ha ha. I will do what the fuck I want. I’m hungry — what did you cook?’
I cannot believe the audacity of this guy. However, I was afraid to challenge him any further, it would only result in him losing his temper and lashing out and hitting me again. I had become Simon’s punching bag and I was ashamed that I allowed this behaviour to continue. In the beginning he would apologise for hitting me. Now he would just scream for me to get up and to go and sort myself out.
Simon was discreet with the places that he punched me — they were places that I could cover up with my jeans or a long sleeve top. Simon warned me that if I ever told anyone, he would kill me and I honestly believed he would. Simon’s character was like Jekyll and Hyde, especially when he was smoking. I had a feeling that he wasn’t just smoking weed — his behaviour was too erratic. I just wanted the old Simon back, not this maniac.
I had become withdrawn from reality. My life consisted of college, home and Simon, and I hardly saw Chanel because I couldn’t bring myself to tell her what was going on. I just knew that she would tell my nan and my dad and they were the last people that I wanted to find out.
My dad’s love for me is undeniable and he has always been protective over me. My dad doesn’t like Simon, he tolerates him for me. So if he ever found out that Simon was abusing me, he would kill him and I don’t mean that as a figure of speech — he would actually kill the man I love. This is why I had to keep this as a secret and the less time I spent with Chanel the better. I know I’m stupid but I love him and I know with time he can change back to the guy that I fell in love with.
My nan had been calling me for weeks to come and see her. I had been avoiding her. I wasn’t in the mood to hear a lecture. However, I decided against my better judgment to just get it out of the way. At least this way I wouldn’t have to see her again for another month. Yes, I know it’s bad. I went from living with the only woman that has raised me as daughter to now seeing her on a monthly basis. The guilt I felt was overwhelming.
‘Hey, nan. How are you?’
‘Oooh, Davina, you finally decided to come and see me?’
‘Yes, nan. I’m sorry that it has taken me this long.’
‘Davina, you have changed and it has to do with that little pickney that you call your boyfriend.’
‘Nan, why do we have to talk about Simon? I didn’t come here to get into a disagreement with you about him. I have changed, I’m just busy with work and college that’s all.’
‘Don’t give me that bullshit excuse. You’ve let that boy change you and not for the good”
‘Nan, please stop. Let’s just talk about something else. How has everything been?’
‘Everything is fine, but I miss having my granddaughter being around. Can you at least make a promise and try and come and see me more?’
‘Yes, Nan, I can make you that promise.’
‘Listen, you’re my grandbaby and I love you. I just want to see you happy. I know you love Simon, baby, but he’s no good for you. He’s running around the area with all these different girls. All I’m saying is, love yourself more than you love him. Remember, a person will only treat you the way you allow them to. I’m not going to say any more on the subject.’
‘Thank you, Nan, for the wise words. I love you to the moon and back.’
“It’s OK, baby. I’m here for you, always.’
In that moment I wanted to tell my nan the horror I was living. I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her. She would be heartbroken and I just couldn’t break her heart like that. I made a promise to myself that Simon would never hit me again and that I would visit my nan every week. My motto had always been Family Over Everything (FOE), and here I was putting them last.
My nan was right. I had changed and I didn’t like the person I was becoming. I was determined to change back to old Davina, the fun, carefree Davina, that always had a smile on her face. That was me. This victim that I had become because of my circumstances was not me.
On my way back home, I decide to go and see Chanel. I was going to be honest with her and tell her everything that had been going. I needed my friend in this moment.
‘Hey, Chanel.’
‘Hey, stranger.’
‘I know I’ve been ghosting lately. My bad, but I want to explain what’s been going on.’
‘OK, well I’m all ears. Go ahead tell me the 411.’
‘Well, things with me and Simon have been really rocky for the last couple of months. I found out from a girl called Trina that she’s pregnant with Simon’s baby and she gave me confirmation — text message convos between them talking about the baby. Simon says that it was mistake, that Trina is just a bum bitch and it’s me that he really wants. So we’re trying to work on our relationship right now and I just need my friend’s support.’