But, as soon as he stops, the cool air inside the club makes me shiver. I wish I had a coat. I glance at Fi, wondering how she isn’t cold in her tiny silver dress.
Has she done something to mine? Something to make me extra cold? To make me look stupid or even want to go home? I’m not going home. I’m staying with Josh.
Mum’s having a baby. I will have a brother.
Where’s Akash?
At the desk, a woman with long black hair and a tattoo of a purple flower on her arm is flicking through a magazine. She peers up at us. Fi props her elbows on the desk. So relaxed. Showing off again. Chris does the same. They deserve each other. Josh and I stand behind them and their perfume and aftershave are so strong together that it makes me cough and cough.
‘You OK?’ Josh asks, rubbing my back.
‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘It’s just all the smells.’
Josh frowns, sort of shakes his head and looks at the woman again.
‘All right?’ Chris says to her. ‘Busy tonight? There are four of us, please.’
The woman looks Fi up and down and then peers round her, at Josh and me. I shiver even more. I just want to get in now, before someone sees us.
‘Which way are the toilets?’ Fi asks, twirling a strand of hair round her finger. ‘Can I use them?’ She exaggeratedly crosses her legs. ‘I’m dying here.’
‘That way,’ the woman says, pointing down a passage decorated with fairy lights. ‘OK,’ she says, looking back at Chris. ‘You’re in.’
I rummage in my bag for some money. ‘I’ll get this,’ Josh says, pulling out his wallet.
But Chris waves it away. ‘I’ve got this, guys,’ he says, handing over a few notes. ‘Buy me a drink later.’
‘Cheers,’ the woman says, taking the money. She turns back to her magazine and that’s it. We’re in!
It’s suddenly warm. I stop shivering. There must be weird air conditioning in here. Music vibrates through the soles of my feet as we make our way down the steps to the basement. The club is dark and loud. It smells of stale smoke and sweat, mingled with perfume, aftershave and beer. There’s a bar to the left-hand side and a huge dance floor in the middle.
Fi squeals and lifts my hands in the air. ‘Drinks! Dance!’ she shouts. ‘How amazing is this? I can’t believe you’re out with us! IN A CLUB!’
‘Yeah!’ I shout back, pretending. ‘Great!’ This is not the glamour I expected a club to have. I think Fi has been lying to me about a lot of things.
‘Told you we’d get in,’ she says. ‘We look at least twenty.’
‘Sure!’ I say. But I know that’s not true either.
My stomach suddenly rumbles and I smell Mum’s food. Fresh, grassy coriander. Fried onions. Sweet garlic. I look back towards the stairs we just came down. Is she here?
There’s no one there. I shake my head. Of course she’s not here! I’m being ridiculous. Mum’s in hospital, having a baby.
My brother.
No. I already have a brother. Akash. Where is he?
Josh and Chris barge their way to the bar and buy shots of sambuca for us all, a bottle of wine for Fi and me to share and pints of cider for themselves. We down the sambucas. I pour myself a glass of wine and down that too. It tastes off, like it’s been open too long, almost salty. But it’s better than the taste of blood in my mouth, which is still lingering.
‘You OK?’ Fi asks, grabbing the bottle from me. ‘Slow down a bit! You’re swaying!’
My head is spinning but it’s just the music. I frown at her. ‘Why’s everyone always telling me what to do?’ I shout above the music.
Fi looks hurt. Chris puts his arm round her. That should be Akash’s arm. Fi is a traitor. She’s betraying both Akash and me at once.
‘I’m sorry,’ I say, not wanting to cause a scene. I have to be careful. Fi can’t know that I’m on to her now. ‘Look, I’ll be fine. I’ve just got this bad taste in my mouth. Pour me a bit more.’
‘Just take it easy, Neens,’ Fi mumbles as she pours.
‘Hey!’ Josh says. ‘Lighten up, girls. We’re here to have fun.’ He clinks his glass with mine and I try very hard to relax. He smiles. ‘Come on, Neens. Let’s dance!’ And he drags me away from Fi, like he knows she’s up to no good.
Josh. I can trust Josh. He loves me.
The dance floor is packed. My eyes lock with Josh’s as we move to the boom-boom boom-boom of drum and bass. Our drinks spill from our glasses. We move closer to each other. Our bodies touch. I’m breathless.
He puts our half-drunk glasses on the side, and then his hands are on my waist, up my sides, in my hair. He kisses my neck, my mouth. I kiss him back.
The metallic taste in my mouth disappears. I taste Josh. Cider. Lemon. That sweet taste of apples he always has. We move off the dance floor and lean against the wall. I close my eyes as he kisses my ear.
I see us lying in Josh’s bed, close, warm, the duvet wrapped tight round us.
I see Mum propped up in a hospital bed, Dad beside her, holding her hand.
I see Akash sprawled across his bed, headphones on, feet tapping to the beat of the music he’s listening to, a smile plastered across his face.
Is Akash at home?
A razor-sharp pain buzzes through my temples. I open my eyes. Josh is holding my hands, smiling. When did we move away from the wall?
The club is brighter than it was earlier. Lights flash over the dance floor. The music’s changed and is faster, lighter. Behind Josh, I see Fi dancing with Chris. I spot people I recognize from school dancing round Fi as she glides elegantly in and out of his arms.
My eyes ache. My head spins. I think I want to go home.
Mum. She’s in hospital and the baby’s coming. I need to know if she’s OK. I need to call her. I pull my phone out of my bag.
‘You OK?’ Josh shouts above the music.
I shake my head. ‘I need to call my mum.’ But then I realize I can’t call her because she’ll know I’m out in town. She’ll hear the music. They’ll know I’ve lied. They’ll find out about Josh. They’ll take me to Pakistan immediately. I push the phone back into my bag. My hands are shaking. I’m trapped again.
‘Neens?’ Josh puts his arms round me.
‘I’m OK.’
But I’m not OK. I’m sweating. Dizzy. It’s all the lights. They’re too bright. Too hot. I sweep my hair up and tilt my head back, trying to breathe, but what I see stifles my breath even more. We’re standing under a CCTV camera.
I peer up at it and swallow. What if Mum and Dad are watching me through it? They might be checking up on me from hospital.
I stare at Josh. ‘We need to get away from here,’ I say, pulling him away from the dance floor. My heart’s racing now. My chest is tight. There’s not enough air.
We find an empty spot in a dark corner. ‘You’re shaking, Neens,’ Josh says, anxious. ‘What’s wrong?’
I check for cameras, but can’t see any here. I hold on to him tightly. ‘Nothing. We’re safe now.’
Something bumps into us. We turn to see an older Asian guy glaring at us. For a moment, I think it’s Dad, but it’s not. This guy has bad acne and he’s much bigger than Dad.