My heart thumps against my chest. As I’m trying to get my head round what she’s saying, my phone buzzes. Dad. I look up at Aunty Ruby, who nods at me sympathetically. ‘Speak to him,’ she says, then she ushers me up the stairs, into Raheela’s room.
My heart is beating crazy fast as I sit down on Raheela’s pink bedspread. A thick lump is blocking my throat and I want to cry. But I force myself to answer the phone.
‘Hi, Dad.’ My voice is small.
‘Neena!’ Dad’s breathless. ‘I’m so sorry – I didn’t call during the day because I didn’t want to worry you at school. And then I couldn’t get hold of you. Are you back from school now?’
My heart thumps in my chest. ‘Yes,’ I manage to say.
‘Mum’s waters have broken early, so we’re at the hospital. It happened first thing this morning. She’s in with the consultant now.’
I try to think back to this morning. That’s why the house was so quiet. I can’t believe I’m only finding out now.
‘We were hoping it was a false alarm,’ Dad continues. He sounds nervous.
Shivers run down my neck. This is my fault. The stress of yesterday has caused this. ‘Is Mum OK?’ I manage to ask.
‘Yes,’ Dad says, and I breathe. ‘But it looks like the baby’s coming early.’ There’s a hint of excitement in Dad’s voice now. ‘He’s coming, Neena. Your baby brother’s coming.’
‘Will you call him Akash?’ I blurt out, and it’s like someone else is speaking, someone inside me who isn’t me but has my voice.
‘What? What did you say?’
I try to find myself again, through all that I’m feeling. ‘Nothing.’
He’s silent for a few seconds and then he continues. ‘They’re giving Mum steroid injections to try to develop the baby’s lungs. Twenty-six weeks is very early. Will you pray, Neena? That everything goes smoothly? I’m going to stay with her, but I’ll try to keep you updated –’
‘Shall I … come to the hospital?’
‘No, no,’ Dad says. ‘Try not to worry – and keep up with your schoolwork. I’ve arranged for you to stay with Aunty Ruby and Raheela. Just get your stuff together and call Ruby when you need picking up. She’ll collect you. And please, just pray.’
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. He’s arranged for me to stay here tonight? So that’s what Aunty Ruby was talking about! A sudden, sneaky, awful thought occurs to me. If Aunty Ruby is working, that means it’ll be just Raheela and me. I couldn’t have planned this any better myself.
‘So you’ll stay at the hospital tonight?’ I ask, just to be sure. And then I add: ‘I’ll pray.’
‘Yes. Will you be OK?’ he says. ‘Ruby will look after you.’
‘Of course,’ I say. ‘I’ll head to Aunty Ruby’s now.’ I feel horribly guilty about tricking them like this, but it quickly passes. I think about Akash, and how they’re replacing him … No. Let them worry about this baby. I don’t want to think about it.
Raheela is going to cover for me. That’s what Akash said. And I’m optimistic that he’s right. I can trust Raheela.
I’m going to meet Josh in town tonight.
I’m going to make sure Fi can’t get to him.
And I have a brilliant, bright feeling that Akash will be there.
I wasn’t there the night he disappeared, but I’ll be there now. I’ll make everything up to him.
Town’s buzzing. I hover near the taxi stand as I wait for Josh, watching cars pull up to the kerb and groups of people spilling out of them. The air’s warm. Electric. Music’s blaring out of bars, and chatter and laughter bursts around me. I catch the smell of perfume. Strong aftershave. Chips soaked in vinegar. And I’m so glad to be here that I feel light and free. But I’m also nervous. There’s no sign of Josh yet.
My skin’s prickling all over and I fiddle with the golden bracelets on my arms to distract myself as I try not to check my phone again. He said 9 p.m. and it’s now at least twenty past. I try not to worry. Akash never worried about the time. He was too cool for that.
Akash.
Is he here yet? I peer around but I can’t see him. I feel a bit deflated. I’m so desperate to see him now, and I’m also hoping that, when Fi sees Akash, she’ll forget about Josh. We all know that Akash is the person she really wants. Why isn’t he here yet? But then I laugh to myself. Of course he isn’t here: he was always late for everything!
A guy wearing ripped baggy jeans and a vest top walks past me. He smiles. He has tattoos all up his arms and his eyes are twinkly. I smile back at him. Do I know him? But then his eyes move down my body and stare at my legs a bit too long. And I think no, I don’t know you. And I don’t like the way you’re looking at my legs.
Where is Josh?
I pull my dress down a bit, wondering if I should have worn it. It’s black, strapless, short. I’ve never worn anything like it, but Fi brought it over once Raheela’s mum had left for work and made me try it on. She said I looked amazing in it. I wasn’t sure whether to trust Fi, but then I saw myself in the mirror. I looked like Fi. I looked like someone who might have a cute boyfriend. I looked like the other girls from school. I didn’t look like Neena Gill, and I was happy about that.
Raheela wasn’t sure about the dress; she didn’t want me to go out clubbing. But, once I explained about Fi trying to get Josh, she softened a bit. ‘I need this,’ I told her, and when I pressed my head against her shoulder I cried into it. She hugged me back and her eyes filled too. ‘Fine,’ she said, ‘but just this once.’ Then she marched over to her wardrobe and pulled out the red heels she wears to family parties. ‘Here, do it in style and please don’t get caught.’
After that, everything was very easy. We rang Dad to tell him we’d eaten and were going to study. He said everything was going as well as it could at the hospital. When he asked to speak to Aunty Ruby, Raheela said she was in the bath. The hardest part was trying not to think about the hospital as I left the house, but it’s easier now I’m out – so much else to focus on. Still, the thoughts keep coming and going …
The baby’s coming.
I take a deep breath, stand straight and smile. I’m not going to think about the baby. I’m going to have a good time.
A taxi pulls up and I recognize a girl with very straight, long blonde hair from the year above. Another blonde-haired girl follows her out of the cab. They could be twins: both wearing short red dresses and huge gold hoop earrings. Then Josh emerges. He’s wearing a white-and-green stripy shirt and smart navy jeans. I smile and wave as I catch my breath.
I can’t believe I’m out in town on a Friday night – with Josh!
He jogs over and kisses me on the cheek. ‘Wow!’ he says. ‘Look at you!’ He scoops his arm round me, and I’m filled with that buzzing feeling I had this afternoon.
Josh introduces me to the girls. They smile at me and I feel like I’m part of a secret club as I smile back. Then we’re on our way. They walk ahead of us; Josh and I follow. Look how totally normal we’re being! I just wish my skin felt a bit less prickly.