Strong. Awesome. Amazing Kate. And now she was dead.
Asher’s body jerked in his sleep and he sighed with restlessness. Touching her head to his forehead quieted him. Tears fell freely from her eyes. No more. Her eyes ached from so much crying. She had to sleep now. To deal with and face tomorrow. Tomorrow when Kate’s untimely death would hit them fresh and anew. Daisy’s eyelids felt like fifty-pound weights were attached to them.
At some point, Daisy drifted off but awakened with a start when she felt Asher’s hands on her lower ribcage. Blinking at the gritty rawness of her eyelids, she realized it was daylight and almost sighed with relief. She must’ve slept because the aching and dryness were slightly less intense.
She blinked again as his hands touched her stomach and moved along her ribcage. Asher was curled on his side and seemed to be all around her. He held her tightly. Asher was awake.
“Are you sure?” she asked not in a whisper. There was no denying what his touch meant. She knew it so well. It was very familiar after hundreds of mornings—when they were together.
“If you are. It’s because of grief.” His tone wasn’t a whisper either. He was wide awake.
“I know. For both of us.”
“And…?”
“And I like how you feel to me right now. I want it if you do. I hope it helps you… because it will help me.”
He didn’t speak for a moment and his hands caressed her skin. The friction quickly made her stomach percolate, something she’d have said was impossible last night. But it was Asher. So naturally, it happened. He slid over her, his body so accustomed to hers, it seemed like she was back home after spending far too many years away.
His hands rubbed her, dipping to her stomach and going between her breasts before diving into the hollow of her throat. His mouth landed there, peppering her neck with small kisses before pressing his tongue inside her mouth. Tears fell from both of them as their mouths caressed each other and became re-acquainted. The love they once shared still existed between them.
His body slipped inside hers. Legs spread, Daisy lifted her hips to cushion and welcome his hard, demanding length. She was on fire with desire and seeking complete satisfaction. She loved how it felt to have him home again. His home was deep inside her. That was where he belonged. His mouth moved to her cheek and eyelids and forehead.
“Are you on birth control?” Asher asked.
“Yes.” She used the same birth control she had when she was dating him.
He pulled himself free before ramming himself fully inside her. There was no hesitation, he just began hammering into her, claiming her for himself. The past was over now. But the chance to feel powerful again was hard to resist, especially when life so clearly demonstrated how powerless they were. Both were glad to let go and be out of control. That quick, the hard, loud, colossal storm of emotions fused them to each other. She held him tight, and he desperately tried to fill her up with his love. The fit of their anatomy allowed them to stay joined as they pressed against each other with heaving, straining cries and rocking hips. He rested his forehead on hers as they proceeded in sync. Staring at each other, their mutual need to soothe their grief and hurt intoxicated both of them. Tears blurred her eyes, and she knew Asher was only crying because of losing his mother, not because they engaged in sex.
Her compassion for him was also directed at herself.
Finally, she threw her head back and let her scream release her joy and agony. There was nothing quiet or new about their sex. It was comfortable and crazy. Hot and demanding. Two people who pleasured each other in all ways and stirred up vivid emotions were now consigned to grief.
He was primed with her, falling onto her body, and pinning her there while groaning her name before he collapsed.
Moments passed and he shut his eyes before saying in a quieter, calmer voice, “Daisy? We’re not getting back together.”
“I know. Our grief demanded expression. We fulfilled a need. Friendship and love will always prevail. That’s us.”
“Yes. I just want it clearly understood.”
“By whom? You or me?”
“I think, me.” He buried his face in the crook of her neck and she held him when his tears dampened her skin. She didn’t even try to console him but held him tightly to her.
His tears revealed his emotional fragility, meaning, he was no more ready for her now than the first time they were together and broke up. His feelings, however, kept swirling in his brain and were impossible to ignore.
“You know I’m always available to you no matter what. Anytime. Anywhere. Whether I’m here or not.”
He bent down and rested his forehead on her bare shoulder. His eyes were awash in tears. Daisy’s heart lurched, hurting with so many feelings all at once, and confusing her. Having him so in tune with her helped. A lot. But seeing his pain only increased hers, and the chaos that ensued hurt more.
“Don’t do that. Don’t make any promises. We did all that before. This is just…”
“Grief,” she supplied when his words ended prematurely.
“Grief.”
She cupped his face in her hands and leaned forward to place her lips on his. “Mine as well as yours.”
He welcomed her kiss. Their tongues tangoed. It was both comforting and heartbreaking. “What do I do today?” he whispered as he kissed her lips again. “What about tomorrow?”
She kissed him as she answered, “Breathe. Survive. Think in the moment. Survive for five minutes. Then make it ten. Just do an hour at a time. Don’t even think beyond that.”
“It sounds too hard.” His breath shuddered.
“It is,” she confirmed softly.
He finally asked her, “How long are you staying?”
“The week? I suppose until—”
The funeral. But how to say that to him?
“Until then, do you want to stay here?”
She flipped over and nodded. “Nowhere else.”
Until next week when she left. But she didn’t add that. For now, this moment, the next five minutes, and the next hour, Daisy would take her own advice.
They lay quietly for a long while before Asher released her. He slid to the edge of the bed and announced, “I’m going to shower now and go to my dad’s.”
“Do you want me to come with you? It’s fine if you need some quiet time.”
“No. Come with me.”
Chapter 16
ASHER LEFT THE ROOM. Daisy stared up at the ceiling, wondering why her heart sped up with such delight at being wanted by him. Especially when it was so useless and inappropriate for her to feel that way. Grief. Friendship. Love. Their history was the connection. Asher had nothing more to give. And anything emerging during this time period was a heartache in the making as neither of them were in their normal state of being. Terminal illness and losing a loved one prompts anyone to revaluate their lives. Not the ideal time to make any choices or decisions. Or overanalyze what they might or might not feel towards one another. Exacerbating that was their shared grief and sorrow. Watching the slow, agonizing death of someone they both loved was another bond they shared.
Logically, Daisy understood that and hoped she could hide her heart and emotions behind the logic. Let her stay in the now, living for the present without labeling what she might or might not feel at this time. This moment was unique, elevating it to an event. It was different and surreal, yet in truth, as real as life gets. Not the ideal foundation for a permanent relationship or cohabitation.