For now, Daisy was with Asher in mind and spirit.
After Asher came out of the shower and put on fresh jeans and a sweatshirt, Daisy showered. She had to wear yesterday’s clothes and made a mental note to grab a few things on her next trip home. For now, in this specific sliver of time, they were content to spend it together.
Asher drove to AJ’s house. Quietly entering the solemn residence, Asher found it worse than yesterday.
AJ wasn’t up yet but Charlie was there. A desk full of paperwork surrounded him and he seemed to be checking out something important. Asher stared at it for a moment and asked, “Funeral arrangements?”
“Yeah.” He gave Asher a grim look. “You don’t have to bother with this if you don’t want to. Cami can’t. But don’t feel obligated.”
Asher nodded as he sat down. “Mom planned all of it?”
A small smile touched Charlie’s lips. “Pretty much.”
Asher sat across from Charlie. “I guess I want to help participate.”
Daisy’s heart swelled with pride. That was a huge step forward. Not only was Asher trying to honor his mother by helping to implement her wishes after her death, he was no longer denying it.
There were moments when her life seemed normal. Everyone was okay. Then the impact of losing Kate would rip through Daisy and she’d wonder, what if it were Allison, her mother? How could she ever get out of bed and face another day? Would she be standing here? Could she smile or laugh or love again? How could she ever survive such a loss? Daisy knew how deeply connected Asher was to his mother. So, she found it hard to imagine how he managed to function. The magnitude of his loss barreled down on her like a cinder block. Flattening her in place and preventing her from moving on. How could anyone go on after what happened?
But what choice was there? It was a fact of life that happened every second of every day. No matter what your belief, the pain of losing a loved one didn’t just evaporate. Even those who trust in reincarnation and believe that death only leads to a better life can’t avoid the longing for lost companionship and love from the deceased. Kind words from others offering help and comfort mattered, and people gathering to share their sympathetic condolences also mattered. The need for remembering the loved one by reciting fond memories and good times mattered too. That’s why the funeral arrangements were so important to Kate.
But in the end, losing Kate was still an insufferable loss that nothing could replace or restore.
Grief would become a familiar companion to Asher, Charlie, Cami, AJ, and Daisy; and the list didn’t end there. A gathering of so many compassionate people loving and relying on one another, caring and expressing their joy at having Kate’s presence in their lives, could not make the loss more tenable.
The next few days passed in a haze. Mostly, everyone talked about Kate. So many tears fell, only to trigger more tears and weeping. Cami could hardly get out of bed. She took naps that lasted three hours every afternoon. AJ was mostly silent and sad, lifeless as a stone. He was there, but rarely had anything to say or share. However, he was always pleasant and nice. No one could fault him for deflecting his loss and unending pain on those around him. However, he wasn’t really connecting with anyone. He was like a leaf on the breeze, floating aimlessly without any direction and not caring in the least where he landed.
Daisy didn’t go back to Chicago but stayed close to all of them. They spent most of their time at Asher’s parents’ house. They went to his ranch to sleep but returned bright and early. It seemed like everyone needed each other’s presence, although it hurt to be together. No one asked why she and Asher were inseparable. Or remarked when she slept at his house. But as for the sex, there was a lot of it. Usually quietly at night, when they were physically and emotionally exhausted, so wrung dry, neither had the energy to even grunt or moan with pleasure. Sex allowed them to feel something. To know they were still alive. A unique way to give and receive comfort that couldn’t happen in any other form. Some mornings, they awoke each other with soft strokes and sighs before making love. Others were harsher, harder and more primal, usually at night. The lazy mornings were peacefully comforting, and Daisy felt more like herself.
She knew the sex was their way of coping with the absence and sorrow Asher experienced each day. She felt the same hollow emptiness, but what she felt for Asher eclipsed her own sorrow.
Finally, the day of the funeral arrived. Daisy awoke to find Asher already out of bed, staring out the long, narrow, vintage window. Two of them flanked the sides of his bed and seemed to frame the matching nightstands. They had long, lacy drapes that Asher rarely closed. With literally zero neighbors in sight, there was no need to cover the windows.
Asher seemed so lost and sad, making Daisy’s heart twist with pain. It happened quite often over the last five days. Ever since she met him on top of the mountain. Alone. Hurting. Angry. Grief-stricken. And in denial. Stubbornly refusing to deal with what happened and what he faced.
His pale profile was like a ghost and his haunted expression was unbecoming. He rested a hand on the window casing and simply stared out. Dressed in a suit, his undone necktie was hanging loosely around his neck. His hair was still damp. Daisy admired his perfection, silhouetted by the window and her heart dipped at the unspoken, but obvious sadness that clung to him.
She slipped free of the bed and came up behind him. He didn’t react. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she pressed her face into the middle of his back. No words were necessary. There were none to say or share. No reason to comment on the obvious. He knew. She knew. It hurt and it sucked and nothing in the world could fill the deep hole. No scab to cover it. It was a raw, fleshy, inflamed, infected wound. But Daisy was there for him and he knew that was all she could do. They stood still for five minutes or more. Finally, she released him and stepped into the shower before preparing herself for the miserable, dreadful, cheerless day.
They agreed to meet at his parents’ house. That was the usual routine for the last week. But this time was different. Everyone they knew were there. All the residents and guests of the Rydell River Ranch were dressed in formal wear. Tears filled many of their eyes, both male and female. All of them loved Kate.
AJ finally appeared and he took Daisy’s breath away in a gasp. He was freshly showered, and his hair was combed back. The blond strands were graying at the temples. AJ never seemed to age. Just a few more wrinkles on his weathered face. But his large-framed physique was still intact, and his muscles were more defined than most men thirty years younger than him. His formal suit was black, classic and conservative. He looked like a proper gentleman, whom he often said Kate should have married. But he and everyone else knew that Kate never looked at another man, no one but AJ, since the day they met.
AJ was dry eyed and composed.
“Dad?” Cami let out a small cry and a sniffle before rushing over to him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and began crying.
“You look nice,” Asher said as he approached his father.
AJ nodded. “Your mom would approve, huh?”
Cami looked up at him through teary eyes and replied, “Yes. But she preferred the shorts and cowboy boots you liked to wear to the beach. Always called you—”
“Her muscle-bound, dorky cowboy.”
AJ smiled, but shed no tears. “She did. But I think she’d like this.”