I chuckle at that and stir the waffle batter. “He doesn’t want a relationship.”
She leans against the counter, staring me down. “And what do you want?”
I swallow thickly, looking at the golden batter in the blue mixing bowl and not at Rafe’s aunt. “Rafe.”
Her hand covers mine, halting my stirring. “You can’t stir it too much. That’s good.” I look at her, my heart hammering in my chest at my stupid admission. “Honey, if you want him, I’m pretty sure you can have him. I’ve never seen him so happy. I mean that. He loves that kid more than life, and he makes sure she sees him smile. But . . .” She looks toward the living room where Rafe and Hailey are and then back at me. “I’ve never seen him light up like I have lately.”
Her words hit me hard, but I don’t want to believe them. “He said he never wants a relationship again after . . .” I trail off, not sure how much she knows, but I know she was there.
“Heather,” she finishes, and I nod. She sighs and then scoops some batter into the waffle maker before closing it and focusing her attention back on me. “She was a sweet girl, and I’ll never say anything hateful about her because she gave us Hailey.”
“I’m sure she was. Rafe said she was his best friend in the world.”
She looks troubled, but nods. “She was. They grew up together. Their parents were friends, and it was sort of forced upon them that they’d marry someday like some sort of messed-up marriage contract.”
“That’s a lot to put on kids.”
“Yes,” she agrees. “And I think Heather fell for the fairytale of it all. I know she loved Rafe, but he never led her on. He cared for her like a sister, not a lover.”
I try to swallow around the lump in my throat. “They made a baby together.”
She smiles. “You and I both know that doesn’t always take feelings.”
I laugh, surprised by her candid approach but liking it. “True. Still . . . he’s gay.”
She nods. “And I think she knew, at the very least, knew he didn’t see her that way. But she wanted it badly. She wanted so much to please her parents.”
“He thinks he broke her,” I confide, unsure if I should, but I’m at a loss here and didn’t know Heather like Jo did.
She looks saddened by that. “If I could rid him of the guilt, that would be my one wish in this world. It wasn’t his fault. Heather had problems long before she was pregnant. She was always in trouble, and Rafe would bail her out.”
“He didn’t mention that.”
The timer goes off, and she removes one perfectly golden waffle before making another one. “Yeah, I think sometimes we remember things differently when there’s trauma. When he found her like he did, something shattered inside him. He blamed himself. She took a part of him with her.”
I look out toward the living room, but it’s too far away to see Rafe, even though it feels like I’m searching for him. “I believe that.”
She places a hand on my shoulder. “If anyone can get him away from that darkness, I believe it’s you.”
“I can’t force him to love me.”
Her kind eyes meet mine, eyes that are dark blue, and I realize where Rafe and Hailey got their eyes. “He already does.”
Again, gut punch. “I don’t know about that. He was pretty adamant. He thinks he destroyed Heather and that he’s bad at relationships.”
She pours herself a cup of coffee and takes a sip before she speaks again. “I know. I’ve told him how crazy that is, but he dismisses me. He’s young. And he was really young when all that happened. He’s jaded but he can still find love and be happy.”
I smile at her, unsure what to say. I don’t want to believe he’s broken like all the other men I’ve dated and tried to fix, but it does seem to be my MO.
“I’m hungry!” Hailey rushes in, effectively ending our conversation, and part of me is really grateful.
Rafe saunters in after her with a smile on his face when he sees me.
Could she be right?
Is there any hope for us?
* * *
Christmas with Nolan’s family and my aunt and daughter was absolutely perfect. As predicted, Aunt Jo and Janine got along well. Both of them cooking and fussing over everyone else all day. It was great. I had to work today, but my present from Aunt Jo was a night with Nolan.
An entire night.
It feels weird driving to Nolan’s after spending a couple of hours with Hailey after work and then my aunt shooing me out the door. She promised they had a whole girls’ night planned and told me I wasn’t allowed to join.
I smile to myself as I pull into the driveway of the address Nolan gave me. I brought an overnight bag, but I’m not sure if it’s presumptuous or not, so I leave it in my car before walking up to the front door of the nice two-story home.
Nolan answers, his hair wet from a shower, I’m assuming, but he’s dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. “Hi.” There’s an easy smile on his face that relaxes me.
I’m not sure why I’m nervous. It was just two days ago that he slept overnight in my bed. But this feels different somehow. We don’t have to be quiet. We don’t have to hide or sneak around.
“Come in.”
Right. I was just standing on the front stoop, staring like an idiot. I walk inside and look around at his house. It’s quaint. Simple, clean, and so Nolan. It’s decorated but not overly so. We make our way into the living room and sit down on his large, comfortable gray sofa, and he pulls his phone out.
“What do you want for dinner?”
I shrug, sinking back into the couch. “Anything. I’m starving. Aunt Jo was making spaghetti when I left but wouldn’t let me eat a bite. Said I should save it for here.”
He smiles at that, pulling up a delivery app. “I like her.”
“She likes you too. A lot like Hailey, she didn’t shut up about you.”
He laughs at that. “Sounds like that irritates you.”
I run my hand through his damp hair and smile. “It should. I’m pretty sure you’re their favorite, but you’re mine too.”
His face morphs into surprise, and I wonder if that was too much. Probably calling him my favorite person, or at least my favorite grown-up person, is too much for friends who have sex. He clears his throat and forces a smile. “How about pizza? Always a good choice, right?”
I nod, feeling awkward after my dumb admission, but I’m on new ground here. I don’t know the rules, and I’m a complete dope when it comes to this stuff. My one and only relationship was a farce. Not that this is a relationship.
He puts his phone down on the coffee table and leans back on the couch next to me, his big body relaxed and sprawled out. “Ordered.”
“Great. Thanks.”
Yup, I made it fucking awkward. “Look . . .”
He turns his head to look at me. “Don’t. It’s okay. I like you too, Rafe. I’m sure I’ve made that clear, right?”
I nod dumbly. “Yeah. I suppose.”
He pulls up Netflix and starts some movie neither of us really care about before the food gets there. We eat the pizza and laugh at the movie that’s picked up a bit. “I hope Hailey can get to sleep without me.”