“Do you want to call and check on her?”
I smile, secretly loving how much he cares about my kid. “No. Aunt Jo will kill me if I interrupt their movie night. I know she’s okay.”
But still, worry sweeps through me. I thought Heather was okay too. When we were living with Aunt Jo and she would talk me into taking a night for myself, guilt would race through me the entire time. I worried something would happen when I was out trying to have some sort of experience.
It’s why all my hookups were fast. I just wanted to do it and then get back to my kid. Make sure she was okay. But I don’t want to leave tonight. I want to be here. I know Hailey is in good hands.
“Are you sure? You look worried.”
I turn to face him, letting my fingers slide over his trimmed beard that’s soft under my touch. “It’s hard for me to leave her.”
“I know.”
I lean in, breathing in his woodsy scent before I press my lips briefly to his. “But I like being here.”
He smiles before grabbing my hair with his hand and pulling me into him, our lips crashing together. I love the way he kisses me. We move quickly after that, seemingly unable to get enough of each other.
I lift his shirt off, and mine goes next before we’re naked and writhing together on his couch. We’ve always had to be so careful. Go to my room. Lock the door. But not here. Here it’s a wild frenzy of clothes and limbs everywhere. His mouth drags over my skin, and I nip and kiss my way over his.
I’m lost in him, in this moment. Unable to think about anything else.
All my past fades away, and it’s only the now, right here with Nolan. I moan when he takes my cock into his mouth, the head hitting the back of his throat, making him gag slightly and me groan loudly as I try to keep control.
“Fuck, Nolan.” I grab his hair. “Stop. I’m close.”
I can feel the bastard smiling around my thick cock before dragging his tongue along it and slipping it out of his mouth, crawling back up to kiss me. “Let’s go to my room.”
I nod, following him blindly through the dark hallway. He flicks on the light in his room, and we don’t bother closing the door before making our way to his large, king-sized bed. He grabs a condom and lube before sheathing me expertly.
We can’t seem to take our time. So desperate for each other, we’re on this delicious mix of autopilot and feeling. It’s amazing.
When he straddles me, placing my cock at his lubricated hole, I take a moment to enjoy the view. This strong, beautiful man takes me inside his body, his head tilted back in ecstasy, letting me fill and stretch him as we move our bodies together in perfect sync.
I never thought I’d be here. I didn’t think I’d ever have an experience like this, and it’s almost too much as I watch him. He leans down, kissing my lips softly as he fucks himself on my hard dick. “You with me?”
I nod, gripping his hair with my hand and kissing him back with ferocity. “Yes. I’m here. Goddamn. I’m here, and you feel so fucking good.”
His hands rest on my chest as he leans back. I grab his hips and thrust up, making him moan deeply. “Yes. So good.”
I reach for his dick, making sure I have enough lube on my hand as I stroke him in tandem with each thrust. “You’re so perfect. So goddamn perfect.” I cup his balls in my other hand and stroke him, hoping to send him over the edge because I’m close to losing it.
It only takes a couple of more strokes before he’s spilling over my hand. I let go of him, my cock jerking in his ass as my release hits me hard, making my toes curl and a garbled moan fall from my lips.
Moments later when we catch our breath, we’re both on our backs, my arm crooked over my eyes as I take short breaths in greedily, basking in the after orgasm glow. I feel him shift and drop my arm to look right into his beautiful eyes. “I love you.”
All the air escapes from my lungs, forcing a quick gasp from my mouth as I stare at him. “What?”
“I love you.” His voice is sure, but it’s quiet as he searches my eyes.
Okay. Breathe, Rafe. You can do this. In and out. Breathe. You’ve been doing it since birth. Friends can love each other. “Like a friend?”
He shakes his head slowly, his face showing the sadness I’ve had glimpses of lately when I talk about us being friends. “No, Rafe. I’m in love with you.”
What the hell is happening? I sit up, and so does he, both of us naked, covered in sweat and cum. “Why are you saying that?”
I can’t shake the horror from his words. I feel like I’ve been kicked right in the stomach and still haven’t figured out the breathing thing as I try to catch my breath. “Because it’s true.” He stands up and grabs his shirt, wiping his stomach and hand before pulling on a pair of sweats.
All my limbs feel heavy. I can’t move from the bed. “It’s the orgasm. It was an intense one.”
He sighs, pushing his fingers through his thick hair before he sits down on the edge of the bed, facing me. “Every orgasm is intense with you. Every fucking thing is intense with you, Rafe.”
I swallow hard, trying to process what he’s saying to me. “You don’t love me. You can’t.”
“I do.” I stare at him in amazement, wondering why he isn’t backpedaling and wishing he would.
“Nolan.” I shake my head like a crazy person, clutching my stomach. I close my eyes and see Heather. I hear her telling me how much she loves me. That I was cranky and intense, but she loved me. I stand up. “You don’t love me.”
I grab my jeans and pull them on before he stands up too and faces me head-on because that’s Nolan. He’s caring and loving and kind, but he’s also strong as hell. No fear. “I love you, Rafe. I’m in love with you. I have been for a while.”
“We barely know each other.”
“I know you. And I know you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared. You’re wrong.”
A flash of anger flashes over his handsome face. “I’m wrong? About how I feel?”
“Yes. You aren’t in love with me. That’s fucking dangerous. We’re friends who have sex. That’s it. Why are you trying to ruin that?”
He laughs humorlessly and shakes his head. “Why? Really?” I haven’t heard him this angry before, but I also hear the hurt in his voice. “Because I can’t fucking take it anymore. I can’t stay in your bed and run my fingers through your hair, watch you sleep, and pretend like I don’t love you. I can’t spend holidays with you and your kid and pretend all I want from you is sex.”
“And friendship.”
“That’s what a relationship is, Rafe.”
I stare at him, haunted by the past and terrified of the future.
Mostly because I know there isn’t a real future here.
* * *
Fuck. I can’t believe I said that, but I can’t take it back. I couldn’t stop myself from saying it. It’s been torture lying to myself and to him. Something shifted when we spent Christmas together. After talking to his aunt and sharing so many intimate moments together.
I couldn’t focus all day, knowing he was coming over after work. That his aunt had planned an entire night with Hailey.