“Okay, then. So why do you care if I come or not?”
“I just wanted you to know that these guys are talking shit about you and you should really put them in their place because Casper is a douche bag.”
“Why do you care?” Why was Louisa so invested in me coming to the Sigma party? I would’ve thought she’d be happy that I wasn’t going.
Whenever I was at a party, I was the woman that all the guys wanted to be with. And when I wasn’t there, she was the woman they wanted to be with. So why the hell did she want me there?
“Because I want you to put him in his place.”
“And why is that?” I persisted.
“Because…” She sighed. “I didn’t want to tell you this because I didn’t want you to be mad at me.”
“Why would I be mad at you?”
“Because I fucked Casper, okay?”
“Okay. And I would care because?”
“Because he was your boyfriend and…”
“Did you fuck him while I was with him?”
“Well,” she sighed, “kind of, the first time.”
“The first time? So you fucked him more than once?”
“Okay, I fucked him several times when you were with him and then a couple of times after you weren’t, and I thought when you fucking let Travis go down on you, Casper would see what a ho you were.”
“What are you talking about?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said. “You should just put Casper in his place because he’s a dick.”
“Why do you want me to put him in his place so badly?”
“Because,” she sounded pissed off, “he fucking came in me, okay? And I let him, and I got pregnant. And he told me that I couldn’t have—”
“You what?” My jaw dropped. “You got pregnant with Casper?”
“Well, not really. But I thought I did.”
“You thought you did or you did?”
“It doesn’t matter anyways. He’s not even with me. And he’s a jackass, and that’s why I’m going to fucking blow David in front of everyone tonight so he can see what he’s missing.”
“Louisa, I don’t think I’m going to be coming tonight, but thanks for the invite.”
“What do you mean? Don’t you want to put Casper in his place? He’s going around telling everyone what a ho you are.”
“He might be calling me a ho tonight, but I’m sure he’ll be calling you a ho tomorrow.”
I hung up, shaking my head. I’d always known that Louisa was a bitch. I didn’t care that she’d been with Casper because Casper was a dickhead, but the fact that she’d fucked him while I was dating him, that just went against the women code.
I grabbed my phone to call another friend. Nellie was with Steele, but there had to be someone else I could talk to. I decided to call my friend Sarah Jane. It rang a couple of times and then she picked up.
“Hey. What’s up, Shelby?”
“Hey, Sarah Jane. What are you up to?”
“Not much. Just watching Netflix.”
“Cool, cool.”
“What about you?”
“I was just on the phone with Louisa.”
“Oh, how is she?”
“She at the Sigma party.”
“Oh, yeah. I was going to go, but didn’t feel like it.”
“Yeah, those guys are douches.”
“Exactly. As soon as I tell them that I’m not having sex until marriage, they don’t care to talk to me anymore. So why should I bother wasting my time?”
“Yeah, there’s no point,” I said, chewing on my lower lip. Was Sarah Jane really the right person to ask about how I should seduce Sam? I didn’t think so. “Well, I was just calling to see if you were okay, Sarah Jane.”
“I’m good. Do you want to come to church with me on Sunday?”
“I’m not sure. I might be studying.”
“There’s always time to study after you hear what the Lord has to say, Shelby. Don’t you want to be saved from your sins?”
“I do have an awful lot of sins, but maybe I can join you next month or something.”
“It’s only an hour a day.”
“An hour a day?” I said. “You go to church every day?”
“I pray every day and I go to church every week, and then I go to Bible study on Wednesday evenings. And, well, I don’t like to say this, Shelby, but maybe you need a better relationship with the Lord.”
And now I remembered why I didn’t like to call her. She preached at me far too much and it got annoying, maybe because it made me feel slightly guilty about the fact that I was so sexually open. I knew that it went against everything that the church taught and I really did want to be a good Christian girl, but shit, I liked sex too much.
“I have to go, Sarah Jane. It was nice—”
“Shelby, I’ve heard about what happened at the Sigma party. And I didn’t want to talk to you about it before, but…”
Oh gosh, why had I called her? “You know what, Sarah Jane? Really, I—”
“You just can’t—”
“Bye,” I said and hung up. What had I been thinking? I went to the kitchen and pulled a beer out of the fridge. One beer. That’s all I needed. I’d get a little buzzed and just go to bed early. I’d had a long, exciting day, and I wanted to make sure that I was well prepared for my coffee date with Sam.
I didn’t quite know how I was going to go from “Help me plan an exciting surprise for my parents” to “Let me blow you under the table.” I’d have to come up with something and it would have to be good. I wasn’t going to get another opportunity like this again, so I really needed to make sure that everything went my way.
I stared at the email I’d written Sam and giggled, knowing I would never send it. Even if I wanted to. I went to delete the email and pressed send by mistake and started screaming. “Oh shit, oh shit, what have I done?"
To My Dad’s Hot Best Friend,
For obvious reasons, I will never send you this letter, but I have had a crush on you for years! Even though you’re what my mom calls a “man whore.”
I wonder if you’re as good in bed as you claim. Yes, I’ve listened to your bragging in my father’s study during his weekly whiskey nights.
I’d be willing to rate you on a scale of one to ten to let you know if you’re really all that. Though we could never tell anyone. Could you imagine the drama? But I won’t tell if you won’t. Not that you would ever give me a chance. Do you even know my name? I bet I know a way to make you remember.
Anyway, you’re far too old for me and too set in your ways. Also, you seem like a real grump when you’re not bragging.
Sincerely,
The one girl you will never bang, Shelby
I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to face Sam again after that email. I wasn’t sure what to say or do and then I saw he’d already responded. My entire body froze as I read his response.
Shelby,
Was I supposed to read this letter? Is this a practical joke? Or did you happen to walk into the bathroom on purpose last week just to see me naked in the shower? I didn’t know your mom called me a man whore. I prefer to call myself a Ladies Man. There’s a difference, but you’re likely too young to know. I think you need to stick to college boys. You’re not ready for a man like me.