“While I see the appeal, it won’t work. The holidays are coming up, and we should clear the air of all the awkward silences around each other.”
She sighed, sitting back in her seat, finally giving me an irritated glare. Good. That was much better than the embarrassed shame when I first walked in. “Then let there be awkward silences.”
“See, here’s the problem.” I closed the door behind me and made myself comfortable in one of her office chairs. “Erik would notice, and then he’d figure out what happened, and then he’d kill me because, while I want to believe he loves me more, we all know you’re his number one. He’d find out I’d hurt you and promptly murder me. And I have a little girl to raise. So, death would really put a damper on that.”
She tried to look anywhere but at me, swallowing a few times, hesitating, but I waited her out. We couldn’t avoid this—I wouldn’t.
“I’m sorry,” she finally muttered. “It was a mistake.”
“Don’t apologize. I told you, you could talk to me about anything.”
When she nodded and dug her teeth into her bottom lip, I knew she was done talking, and I needed to make her understand. We couldn’t leave it like this.
“Listen, Hanna,” I began, leaning forward to rest my elbows on my knees. “We’re family, and a little proclamation of love won’t break us. Because here’s the thing, what we share isn’t that deep romantic love you deserve. It isn’t the romance, flowers, dates, kisses in the rain kind of love.” A single tear slipped down her cheek, and she quickly brushed it away. I wanted to go to her and hold her, make it better for her, but I couldn’t. She needed to hear this and, more importantly, believe it. “What you feel for me is comfort. I’m the only single male you allow yourself to be you around. And while I’m an exceptional specimen,” I winked, earning me a small laugh, “I’m not for you. He’s out there once you let yourself look.”
“You know I can’t,” she said, shaking her head.
“No, Hanna. I know you can.” She lifted her emerald eyes to mine as more tears slipped free. “I understand it’s hard, but one day you’ll be going about your day and not even realize it happened—you’re on a romantic date telling someone you love them—really love them. And I can’t wait to watch it and be the one to tell you I told you so.”
Another small laugh. “Ian…”
“I love you, Hanna, but not like the love you deserve.”
Another nod and some more sniffs before she stood to make her way around the desk. I stood too and met her halfway, pulling her small frame into my body and holding her close. She shed a few more tears, but eventually pulled back and smiled.
“But, hey,” I began, my eyes narrowed in warning. “Don’t ever wear lingerie like that again. You’re a young lady, and I’d have to gouge the eyes out of any guy who saw such innocence. You should try a muumuu. Men love muumuus.”
She stepped back and slapped my chest. “Ha. Ha. Such sage advice.”
“I’m Yoda over here. Basically, the Gandhi of relationships.”
“Speaking of relationships,” she began, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Did I ruin things between you and Carina?”
I wanted an immediate denial to fall from my lips, but I wasn’t sure. I’d messaged her a little bit ago, and she’d asked for more space. Fear had climbed up my throat, but I’d forced it down, believing she didn’t want to make the space permanent.
“We’ll be okay.” Bending my knees, I made sure Hanna was taking in my words. “We’ll all be okay.” She nodded, and I took a deep breath. She wasn’t going to be happy with what I said next, but it needed to happen. “I need you to apologize to Carina.”
Her eyes shot up, wide. “Ian—“she protested.
I hardened my expression. “You have to, Hanna. She deserves it, at the least, but also, I need you to do it, so we can fix this. You’re both my family, and I need you to be able to be in the same room at some point, and that starts with a pretty damn big apology.”
She swallowed and nodded again. “Okay.”
“Thank you, Little Brandt.”
We had one last hug and agreed it was best never to mention anything about it to Erik and then I was on my way home.
My empty home.
God, I missed my girls. It’d only been a day, but I hated coming home to an empty house. I miss the baby coos that greeted me, and Carina dancing around the kitchen. I looked down at my phone, taking in sleeping Audrey, barely fighting back the urge to call them.
She said she was at her dad’s, but I knew better. She was back at her apartment. She’d want to be alone, not somewhere she’d have to explain herself. I almost turned right to head to her place rather than left to go to mine, but I didn’t.
Instead, I promised myself that tomorrow…tomorrow I’d go get my girls.
Carina
Kent stayed for two movies and almost half the bottle of bourbon.
He’d called an Uber and told me to call him if I needed anyone’s ass kicked.
It’d been nice having company. It’d been exactly what I needed because while I’d enjoyed my time with Kent, each second that passed, I realized how much I wanted it to be Ian laughing by my side.
I was still beyond hurt, but even through the ache, I wanted him. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to work through whatever had happened. I wasn’t ready to give up on us just yet.
By the time Kent left, a weight had lifted off my battered heart. I wanted to call Ian, but when I looked at the time it was so late, and Audrey was cranky. I promised myself I’d call him in the morning when I was less beat.
Audrey’s cough was a little worse than earlier, and when I tried to feed her, she was having none of it. She’d been disgruntled and whimpering on and off until she finally passed out.
I didn’t know how much time had passed before her cries jerked me out of a deep sleep. Her face was red as she let loose. The only time she’d stop crying was when she was coughing. When I picked her up to comfort her, she was warm. Quickly, I pulled the blanket from around her and took her temperature.
Adrenaline coursed through my veins when it read one-hundred-and-one-point-nine. After a quick google search, I stripped her down and held her close as I called the on-call nurse. She informed that I could give her Tylenol and see if it brought her temperature down. If not, to bring her in immediately.
Audrey was pissed about the medicine, and I wasn’t sure how much of it actually made it in her mouth. I used a warm washcloth to help with her fever and tried to feed her, but she wouldn’t eat. When she’d finally cried herself to sleep again on my chest, I let a few tears fall. I hated seeing my baby in pain and not knowing what to do to help. She slept and coughed every once in a while as I sat still and wished Ian were there to help.
It wasn’t long before Audrey stirred again, woken up by another coughing fit. Her skin burned hotter than ever, and when I took her temperature again, it read one-hundred-and-four.
Panic stole my breath and pulled my skin too tight. Blood rushed too hard to my head, and I was sure I was going to pass out.