“I tried being a brother to you but I could only do it for so long when you showed you didn’t care either way. I hated the person you became. What the hell happened to you? You didn’t see how many times your mother would call and cry to me after getting off the phone with you because you weren’t coming home. You think it was only Alannah you hurt? Take a look around at your family and tell me you haven’t hurt the rest of us. Tell me what was so fucking important over in London that you couldn’t come home for two years.”
“Flynn, I…” I had no idea he carried all this resentment around with him. Everything he said is the truth. I hurt them all.
“Save it. They’re probably better off without you.” I’ve stood here and let him vent and heard more than I anticipated. I guess I have more sins than I’m aware of but now I’m angry. Does he really believe my family is better off with me not in their lives?
“Are you finished?” I seethe.
“Yeah, I’m done for now. You want to fix things? Your mother is willing to forgive you your fuck ups so she can meet her granddaughter and Alannah doesn’t have much choice in the matter. She’s a mother and putting her child first, not that you would know anything about that. Today you show up with them and everyone is playing happy families but it’s all an act and you know it. ”
“So what do you want from me then, Flynn? I can’t do anything right. I screwed up. I’m sorry I didn’t talk or listen to you, I’m sorry I destroyed so many relationships, I’m sorry I’m such a shitty human, I’m sorry I did what I did to Alannah, I’m sorry I missed the birth of my daughter. Are you so fucking perfect?” He shoves me hard and my back slams into the wall behind me. “You want to hit me? Will that make you feel better? Bring it.”
My father steps into the hallway and comes to stand between us.
“Stop this now.” He demands. “Your children are in there listening to you arguing.”
Fuck!
I walk away leaving them behind. They were all outside when I came in, now as I step into the family room everybody is seated there looking anywhere but at me. A stony faced Alannah is holding a crying Charlotte on her lap. She must have fallen and scrapped her knee which is lightly bleeding. After placing a band aid on Charlie she stands up with her in her arms avoiding eye contact.
“I want to leave please.”
Chapter 17
Nicholas
I walk out of my parent’s house following Alannah who’s still carrying a sniffling Charlotte after the worse possible way this afternoon could have gone. She straps her in her car seat then drops into the front of the car. I get in the back to reassure Charlie.
“I’m sorry if daddy’s yelling scared you. Uncle Flynn and I were very silly to argue like that. It won’t happen again. Okay?”
Her tear filled eyes hit me right in the gut as she nods her head in answer. I kiss her sweet cheek before moving to my seat behind the steering wheel waiting for Alannah to tell me where she wants me to take her. Fucking Flynn. I’m tempted to bash the wheel but don’t want to make matters worse.
“Can we go somewhere and talk?” She quietly asks.
“Sure.” I think about where to take us. I was so certain she would want to go back to the hotel to pack. “There’s a quiet café nearby or I can take you back to the hotel if you prefer.”
“The cafe will be fine.”
Fifteen minutes later Alannah and I are seated at a table with Charlotte not too far away from us in the kid’s corner where she sat down to colour in. I have a cup of coffee in front of me while Alannah nurses a mug of hot tea. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen her drink any coffee since I barged back into her life, but that’s a question for another time.
I wait for her to start talking afraid of saying the wrong thing.
“I didn’t realise how bad things were. I suppose I was a bit naive to think it would be so simple. I want you to fix your relationship with Flynn, the two of you used to be so close and I’m sorry if I caused that.” I reach across the table and cover her hand with mine causing her to look at me.
“Stop. None of that was your fault so please don’t blame yourself. Some of what he said was true and yes, I haven’t been a particularly great friend but that’s not your fault. It’s on me.”
“I should have stayed. No matter what the outcome would have been. I feel so guilty. I never considered how tough this was for them. We’ve put them in this situation.” She’s right. We have. I lift my hand off hers and pick up my coffee to take a sip.
“What should we do then? How do you see us moving forward from here?”
“Last night Charlie was asking questions, such as now that we’ve come to Sydney, if we are going to be a real family, and I had no clear answer. Today out on the boat it brought up both good and bad memories. You probably don’t remember but the last time we went out on it I got sick, we thought it was the rough waves or something I ate but I was probably already pregnant that day.”
I sigh and turn my head towards Charlotte happily drawing away, unaware of the turmoil running though me.
“Then at your parents’ house I felt like I was home with everyone there having a great time like it used to be. I hated hearing Flynn say it was an act. I have missed everyone, Nick, even you. Charlotte could have had so many Sunday’s spent like that with her family. I want to give her more weekends like this morning. While we there I realised how much she has missed out on because of me. I was selfish too and stubborn.” Tears are falling down her face. I have always hated seeing her cry. I lean over and wipe one away. I don’t dare get my hopes up too much.
“Don’t cry, Alannah. Tell me what you want.”
“Maybe we can try being friends and see how it goes. No pressure please, for anything more. If we are to have any chance in the future then we need to do this. We both need to repair the damage we caused to your family and keep putting Charlie first. I also think that going to a counselling session together might be beneficial.” I don’t greatly believe in shrinks, but if this is what she wants and what it will take then I’ll do it.
“Okay, fine. We’ll do all of that.”
“Great, thank you.”
“What about the Henry fucker, are you still going to be seeing him?”
“Nicholas!” she admonishes me.
“What? I’m sorry but that’s how I feel. So are you?”
“I don’t think it would be fair to go out on anymore dates with him but I can’t avoid him. He’s still my friend and his son is Charlotte’s friend and I’m going to see them around. You can’t stop me doing that just because you don’t like the fact I had something with him for a while.”
I can’t really argue the point. She was a single woman. She could have done whatever she wanted. I can only be grateful she didn’t fall in love with someone else. This is a win for me so I’ll take it.
“I understand.”
“It’s going to take a lot for me to let go of the past and trust you again. In the meantime we co-parent the best we can and make sure Charlotte is happy. After what happened today I don’t know if I can come back to Sydney to visit again anytime soon but I don’t blame you if that’s what you’re worried about. Flynn had every right to tell you his feelings but not like that and not there and then.”