“You’re better at that than I am…” His voice was drowned out by her loud sigh as she lumbered to her feet with the baby in her arms.
A short time later they headed back to him. The unhappiness in Kristen’s face brought him out his seat.
“He has a little fever.” Her eyes brimmed with tears, despite her valiant efforts to hide them.
“Little? What does that mean?” Jake clutched her arm, not bothering to feign calmness. He took the baby from her. For a few minutes his crying subsided. Kristen smiled gratefully at him, leaning her head against his shoulder.
“It's nothing to worry about. But he needs a nap. He should still be on schedule to leave Monday morning,” The nurse chimed in.
Her words failed to fully comfort him. He didn’t want to leave his son behind, and didn’t care how obvious it was. But without a choice, he reluctantly kissed his little head and watched gloomily as the nurse placed him back in the incubator.
With worry lining their faces, Kristen and Jake laced their hands together and glumly left the hospital.
* * *
Exhaustion and hunger consumed them. They ordered food to go from a small Cuban cafe and returned to the room.
“We definitely need to google everything on newborns, print it and study it or we are gonna screw up royally,” Kristen fretted.
“Yeah. It'll help,” Jake mumbled, grabbing a container of rice before she could set it down on the small table with the rest the food.
“I forgot to tell you, Alicia's family has a guest house they want to rent. It's negotiable but she was sure it would be cheap. And it's even furnished. What do you think?”
“I think if you like it, it's okay with me. When can we see it?”
She smiled, as she watched him shoveling down the food. She always wondered how hard it was to keep that huge body fueled to capacity.
“Tomorrow? It's month to month so we can stay as long as we want and have it by the time Alex comes home. It'll be a lot easier, don't you think?” Her eyes flickered with amusement.
“Cool. What's so funny?” He froze, the spoon piled high with rice suspended in midair.
“Nothing. You're just so cute! I love watching you eat.” Unable to control herself, she started laughing then burst into tears.
Whatever her outburst stemmed from was a mystery, but it was merciless and unstoppable. Jake was so baffled and mentally exhausted, he couldn’t do more than sit by speechless. When that didn't alleviate the problem, he got up and left.
Being alone increased her misery. Not sure what else to do, Kristen called Alicia who agreed to come over for a stroll on the beach.
“I'm not sure what to do anymore. It's so messed up.” They walked along the shore. Secretly she hoped Jake would show up. It was getting dark, a cool breeze whipping up from the ocean. A chill sailed along her spine from the unexpected dreariness. Where is he? I need him.
“I have a baby that's still sick, I'm not sure I'm gonna be a good mother, I can't even handle a relationship.” Sniffling again, she fought back the tears.
Alicia touched her arm, affected by her misery. “A baby takes practice, Kris. No one is born knowing that stuff. You'll be fine. You have Jake, and I can help also.”
“He beat up Logan today. He ran off when I was sleeping. He hunted him down, I'm sure of it.” Kristen gave her a defeated look. The images had taken possession of her head ever since he had told her. “I just don’t believe it was a chance encounter between the two of them. The motel is way too far from the condo. And Logan never roams that far when he goes down to the beach. It had to be that Jake went searching for him. He’s a long distance runner. It would've been easy for him.”
They stopped walking. Alicia had been letting her vent, thinking it was another postpartum episode. Her expression changed. This was more serious than she'd imagined. She listened without blinking as Kristen relayed Jake’s story to her. For the first time, she really felt sorry for her. It was painfully obvious she loved Jake but even worse, still cared way too much for Logan.
“I hate to say it, Kris, but I think the only solution is for the three of you to move far away from Logan.” They sat outside the motel. Kristen couldn't stop shivering.
Alicia's eyes opened wide. Jake stood beside them. In an instant he was sitting next to Kristen, drawing her close.
“Where are you two going?” he whispered, kissing her hair.
“We just got back from the beach.”
“The beach? It's dark down there. That's not smart.” He studied her, glad she seemed to be calmer. His mouth opened, then reconsidering, he stayed quiet.
“Where were you?” She glanced at Alicia, afraid he went looking for Logan again. Did he hear us talking? Kristen’s shivering intensified.
“I better go. See you guys later,” Alicia gave Kristen’s arm a gentle squeeze.
Taken off guard by her sudden departure, Kristen lingered on her until she disappeared into her car. For some unknown reason, she felt abandoned, like she was sinking, lost and alone. She could sense Jake’s eyes on her and stiffened as he led her back inside.
“What was that about?” Jake managed to take her hands as she whisked by him. She had been fluttering around the room in a high state of agitation since they returned. “Are we going to have a mediator every time something happens between us?” He tried to stay in control, desperate to remain passive.
Kristen stormed at him. “I know you went after Logan today, Jake. Why would you lie to me?” Her eyes blazed.
Surprised, he frowned. “Really? Are you psychic now? Another great talent?”
She threw up her arms in desperation. “Forget it! I'm too tired to fight. Maybe you should go for another run on the beach? Isn’t it easier to just run away from our problems?” Tears glistened in her eyes, she shook him off, but there wasn't much space to separate them in the small room.
“Hey! I left because I didn't wanna get upset. You were having a meltdown because your darling Logan got hurt!” He never intended to be so loud but his soaring blood pressure wouldn’t allow him to calm down. He jumped in front of her, blocking her path to the bathroom. When he looked down at her, she looked so small and fragile, it ripped his heart to pieces.
“Kris, please. We had a rough day. I know you're upset about the baby too.” he whispered, trying to embrace her. At first he thought she would yield to him, but she took him by surprise and pulled back.
“Too? Of course I'm devastated about the baby. You have no idea what it's like being a mother!” The harshness of her words stunned both of them. It was impossible for him to disguise the hurt it caused.
Why am I doing this? Overwhelmed by her unpredictable reaction and roller coaster emotions, she began shaking. There was so much she wanted to tell him, her need for him stronger than ever. Where should she start?
“Jake, I need to…” Taking his hand, she stopped short. Startled by the defeated look on his face, she loosened her fingers, letting his hand fall back to his side.
“Please baby, let me take a shower. I'm not in the mood to discuss this now.”
Her feeble shove didn't move him an inch. A frustrated cry escaped her lips. When he decided to step aside, she disappeared into the bathroom.