As he became more and more disoriented, his scrambled thoughts collided in his brain. He couldn't hold back any longer. Gina left him. He was all alone, on the verge of dying from agonized loneliness. He needed Kristen.
As soon as she answered, he knew he had to do something fast. He sensed she was about to end the call.
“Krissy, please don't hang up.” He hated pleading, but had no other choice.
From the sound of his voice, she knew he was in pain. Jake was out for a run.
She buried her head in her hands and sighed. “Logan, I know what happened. After what you did to me, I can’t feel sorry for you anymore.” He was silent. “Are you gonna live or not?”
“No, I'm hurt really bad. He really went off on me. He's a fucking maniac! Why'd you let him do that?” Every cry, move, breath, added to his torture.
“I didn't let him do anything Logan, I had no idea. Tell me what happened.” She lifted her face, the possibility of knowing the truth, invigorating.
“He was waiting for me across from the apartment. I was walking on the beach minding my own business when he came out of nowhere and jumped me.”
The instant she heard his words, she went rigid.
So, I was right. Jake did hunt him down. He lied to me, sneaking behind my back fully aware how much I opposed him attacking Logan. Okay, I was dishonest in the past, but that doesn’t make his actions justifiable. Worse yet, all he has are suspicions at best, that Logan hurt me. This only proves that what he did to Logan was strictly an act of revenge for Ray.
As she listened to Logan’s anguished breaths, she couldn’t prevent his suffering from affecting her. Why is it every time I tell myself it’s the last time, it never is?
“Are you sure you didn't just run into him? I know you were with your girlfriend, don't lie, Logan.”
“Gina? You know what she is. And he's lying to you. He followed me!” He cleared his throat, his voice fading.
The sudden numbness provoked by his revelation couldn’t be ignored. Neither could the exhilarating feeling of satisfaction that superseded it. At last he failed to manipulate her and get under skin.
“Logan, I can't help you. If Jake finds out...” She stopped, regretting her words. “I told you we're together now. He promised me he wouldn't go after you. I even tried to hide what you did, but I think he could tell. You really messed me up, Logan this time! My eyes were all bloodshot, my throat is bruised. I'm still in pain too. What the hell is wrong with you? Whatever happened to you is your own fault.”
The whole thing alive in her head, made her hyperventilate. It was so quiet, her own harsh breaths were startling. Thinking she heard Jake approaching, she checked the window. “Just rest, you'll be fine. It's not the first time you got beat up for being a dick.”
Except this time, it was more than that. He was a murderer. And he was very close to being murdered himself. The irony had her close to laughter but the severity overpowered the urge.
“Well you added to it, my balls are still killing me. I'm sorry I hurt you. You know I am. I never meant to.”
“Wait a minute Logan, it's not just about me, is it? You should be sorry about everything.”
“But I am Krissy, about everything. I told you, you don't believe me? It was self-defense, you know me, you know that—”
“—That you're not a killer? I thought I knew you, really, I did. But now…” She shook her head in disbelief. “My life has become a living hell.” She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but it escaped her lips.
“No! Don't say that!”
“Logan, I'm sorry about everything too, I really am. I want to believe you.” She exhaled deeply. She couldn’t allow her resolve to weaken. Her voice cracked. “Listen, I have to get ready to see the baby. Please don't provoke anything else.”
“I didn't provoke it Krissy! Your asshole boyfriend did! How do you know it's his baby anyway? It's not like he was the only one besides me!”
“Stop it Logan! We did a paternity test, that's how. Why don't you just find someone else and leave me alone? It's not like you were ever loyal to me!”
With difficulty he raised his head from his hands, the stinging pain above his eyes worsening. “That's not gonna happen and you know it.”
The bitterness in his voice had her head swimming. She needed to keep it peaceful somehow, or else he could retaliate against Jake, and she couldn’t allow that.
“Look, maybe we can be…” She couldn't finish, it wasn't an option. We could never just be friends. That was already proven many times. It is too dangerous.
“Yeah, right!” His laughter died out from the influx of stabbing pain. Every word increased his discomfort and it came through in the grittiness of his voice. “When you get tired of him, and you will, maybe you’ll get lucky and I'll be waiting for you, Krissy.”
She blocked out his voice, but the tears still swelled in her eyes. If only I could snuff out every single drop of love I ever had for him, my life would be so much easier.
She had to—it was the only option.
“Goodbye Logan. Take care of yourself.”
“Remember what we always said to each other?” He could hear her muffled sobs and couldn’t hold back the rush of desire. “No goodbyes, Krissy.” His whispered words dissolved in the air, as the line went dead.
He didn't move. He couldn't. Somehow, I have to convince her I am destroyed by what I did to her, by everything I ever did to hurt her. That without her, I am nothing. I won’t accept it. Not now. Not ever.
JAKE
The five-mile run along the beach wore him out but he was still encouraged. Making love the previous night helped solidify their love. He was careful, she didn't complain, everything was back on track. They would go to see the baby, then the apartment, and take it from there. He was alive with a new-found optimism he hadn't felt for a long time. As long as Logan was out of the picture, everything would be fine. Just like with his stepfather, there was no guilt to overcome. He wouldn't have it any other way.
As soon as he stepped into the motel room, the sense that something was wrong hit him. She was busy getting ready to leave for the hospital, and held back when he hugged her. The recent revitalized passion and affection was replaced by coldness, but he refused to let it slip away.
Persisting, he followed her. “Hey, I know I'm sweaty, but that never stopped us before.” He laughed, nuzzling her neck.
“Yeah, well, I guess I'm overly sensitive now.” She jerked her face away.
“So am I.” He pouted, letting her go.
She continued dressing.
“What's wrong?”
“Nothing, Jake. We're late. Are you showering?” She couldn't look at him.
“After you tell me what's wrong with you.” She stood in front of the dresser mirror. He planted himself in between, blocking her view.
“Seriously, baby, it's nothing. Can you move? I can't see.”
He ignored her, pulling her into him, locking her in with his legs.
“Then prove it,” he demanded, kissing her.
With a deep sigh, she forced Logan's words out of her mind.