The rescue team arrived after a little while on a boat that could probably carry up to fifteen people. There was a doctor aboard who immediately saw to Mary. A second member of the rescue team gave Rob and me a blanket and water. As we were heading back to the mainland another man, who was probably the captain, sat us down on the deck and scolded us for being two irresponsible idiots for risking our lives. His English was terrible. I would have probably found it hilarious if I wasn’t feeling completely like shit.
After he left us alone, I couldn’t look Rob in the eyes. If something had happened to him, it would have been my fault. And if it wasn’t for him, I would have never reached that cave.
“Hey,” Rob gently whispered to me, moving closer. Our shoulders touched lightly. “Don’t take what Mario said too badly. This is part of his job too.”
I tentatively looked up. “His name is Mario?”
Rob glanced at me and chuckled. “No. He just sounded a lot like him. ‘It’s–a me, Mario.’ No? Come on, don’t look at me like that!”
My mouth fell open. “Classic Millennial. You’re a huge dork, you know that?” I told him, but I couldn’t repress a smile. “Mario’s right. I definitely overestimated myself. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “At least we’re all safe.”
I quietly nodded my head. “Rob, why did you…?” The words died in my mouth.
Rob brought a hand to my face and lifted it up. His beautiful, green eyes were shining, looking deeply into mine. Rob smelled like the sea; a fresh, salty scent which filled my lungs so beautifully I felt I was high off it.
I could tell him that I loved him right now. I could be selfish one last time, while we were still alone on the boat, before returning him to his boyfriend once and for all. Before saying goodbye once and for all. I opened my mouth, my confession resting heavy on my chest, making my heart ache and my lips tremble.
But his voice, once again, reached me first. “You jump, I jump, remember?”
How could I forget?
“I hate you,” I told him in a whisper, with my heart in my throat.
“Mamma mia, Luigi!” he exclaimed. He was smiling, and I loved him every second more. What a huge idiot. My huge idiot.
“I hate you so much,” I laughed, letting my face drop lazily on his shoulder.
Even just for a little while, it felt nice to pretend he was mine.
ROBERTO
James didn’t leave Mary’s side, not even for a moment. Their parents were waiting for us on the beach, and when we arrived, they ran to their children, almost in tears.
A small crowd had gathered, waiting for us, and unexpectedly, my whole family was there as well.
“Disgraziato!” Mom screamed at me as soon as she saw me, gesturing nervously with her hands. I was almost expecting her to throw one of her house slippers at me, like she always threatened to do when I was little and I did something I wasn’t supposed to. Instead, she hurried to me and hugged me tightly. In a moment, friends and family were all around me, asking stupid questions, making stupid comments and being definitely too loud. In a way, I was glad they were so busy with me that they didn’t bother James’ family.
“Are you okay?” a familiar voice asked me with an even more familiar northern accent. Francesco had made his way quietly through the crowd and had gently placed a hand on my shoulder. I turned to him, and seeing that worried expression on my cousin’s face almost broke my heart.
“Take me away from here,” I whispered back with a tired smile that surely didn’t reach my eyes.
He squeezed my shoulder, took a breath and said, loud enough for everyone to hear, “People, you’re impossible! Come on, there’s nothing to see here!”
Somebody booed, but it seemed like my parents took the hint and Dad finally announced that we had to go home because “the kid needs to rest.” The crowd scattered to let us go home. Two of my aunts stayed, walking back with Mom and still gossiping about what had happened, and I was finally able to let out a sigh of relief. Marco, who had been by Dad’s side all this time, gave me a quick hug and told me he was going to see how James was doing. I looked in the direction where James’ family was as well, and saw Jenn speaking with Mary and Claire, while holding James’ hand. I hadn’t realized she was there too.
“I was so scared, Fra,” I confessed to my cousin once I was sure nobody else would hear me, unable to hide a tremble in my voice. “All the time, I had no idea what I was doing. I just knew I couldn’t leave him, and God, I was so afraid we wouldn’t make it.”
Francesco patted my shoulder. “Don’t ever do something like this again. If you end up dying just to look cool, I’m killing you.”
I let out a tired laugh. “Wouldn’t I be dead already?”
“I’d bring you back to life just to kill you again.”
“Sounds like a pretty pathetic way to die.”
“Perfect for you, then. Died as he lived: being an idiot.”
“I prefer, ‘Died as he lived: chasing pretty boys to the bottom of the sea.’” I instinctively searched for James, and for just a moment, our eyes locked. The smile he gave me was sweet and heartbreaking.
“About that…” Francesco said, reading all I was thinking on my face. “There’s someone who needs to talk to you.”
I heaved a sigh, already knowing what he meant. “Where is he?”
“He’s been with us on the beach until the Coast Guard called to tell us you were fine. Then he went to get his car. Said he’ll drive you home since you’re probably exhausted. He must be waiting in the parking lot right now.”
I rubbed my temples and took a deep breath. “Do you think that’s really why he left?” I asked.
“God, no,” Francesco said. “He’s gonna eat you alive.”
I had seen it coming. I nodded my head and walked to the parking lot, where I saw Luca waiting by the car. I went to him and he touched my arm, squeezing it lightly. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he said without looking in my eyes. I thanked him, and he invited me to get in the car. I sat on the passenger seat right next to him, but I didn’t even bother to put my seatbelt on; I knew he wasn’t going to drive me home yet. We needed to talk. I was probably supposed to say something first, like maybe start again from where we had been interrupted earlier that day, but I was too tired to say anything that would make sense. So I waited, staring at the cat-shaped air freshener that I had bought for him two months ago. I thought it was cute that he still had it. It was cute, and unfair. I didn’t deserve any of Luca’s small attentions anymore.
“Did you even realize I was there?” he asked finally, and I was glad he did, because the silence had become unbearable. “Since the moment Marco came into the room, you stopped caring about anything around you, didn’t you?”
I had to force my eyes back to him. His expression was hard, but I knew that what he had in his eyes was pain.
“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “It was an emergency.”
“Don’t even try to make me look like a heartless bastard now. I was worried for that poor girl too, like everyone. But did you see anyone else throw themselves off a cliff?” Tiredness was getting the better of me. I couldn’t do anything but look back at him with my guilty conscience on display. Luca continued, “Fuck, Rob, you look like another person. What the hell is wrong with you that makes you act like a reckless brat? You were never like this. And I’m not so delusional to think that you did it for her.” A long pause followed. “It was him, wasn’t it? All you had in mind, since Marco told you about the accident, was James.”