“I could resolve those problems for you while counting your spots. You have many spots, and I wish to count them. I do not like when there are pretty things in my home I cannot have. Let me count your spots.”
“Business,” I reminded him.
“But I don’t want to handle business. I want to handle you and your spots.”
“Then I suggest you come up with an effective and satisfying revenge plan, acknowledge you’ll be running this place at my whim rather than yours, and make yourself useful. Only then will I consider such a reward for your good behavior.”
“Good behavior? I’m the Lord of Lies, not an obedient puppy.”
“That’s such a shame, then. The Lord of Lies doesn’t get any spots. The obedient puppy might get spots. Your bathrooms are really nice, I’ll give you that. You are obviously very spoiled. Do I want to know how you bargained for these antiquities?”
The Devil pointed at one of the larger vases. “That one was a bribe to be somewhat merciful on a particularly nasty soul. I agreed, opting to be more brutal over a shorter period of time as part of his rehabilitation program. It worked rather well.”
Huh. “You can bargain on things like that?”
“Anything can be bargained away, Miss Darlene. Even your spots.”
“Take my spots away, and I will cut off your nipples.”
“That does not sound particularly pleasant. I was meaning we could bargain for my ability to count your spots.”
“I’ve been here less than two hours, and you’re already obsessed with counting my spots? What’s wrong with you?”
“Well, I am the Devil, and you told me no. Being who I am means I really enjoy the pleasures of the flesh and indulge at every opportunity. Being told no is absolutely infuriating, and that means I just want what I was denied even more. I will get my satisfaction out of you, mark my words. In good news, I’ll make certain you like it.”
My brother squeaked at the Devil.
“You don’t get a say in this,” the Devil stated.
“He’s right, Jonas. He who gets poisoned with transformatives doesn’t get a say in what I do. Maybe if you hadn’t made a deal with loan sharks in the first place, I wouldn’t be storming the gates of hell right now.”
“I do feel you could use some work on the storming the place front,” Lucifer muttered.
“I brought two archangels with me and walked in. I stormed your gates just fine.”
“I opened the gates because I found you amusing, although I will concede your choice of archangels for this venture to be wise. You could have put up a good fight had they waged war on your behalf. I might have had to work at it brawling with both of them. Then I would have been delighted to accept your spots as payment.”
“The answer is still no. I have too much to do right now to worry about you and your desire to count my spots. Anyway, you’d choke on my fur.”
“I’m the Devil, Miss Darlene. I can take any form I want, including that of a male snow leopard with a tongue suitable for counting your spots.”
Hmm. “Demonstrate, please. You’re the Lord of Lies, so I need to see evidence you can do as you say. I will permit you to count a single spot of my choice should you show me this form of yours.”
“Which spot?”
Smiling, I held out my arm and pointed at one of my favorite spots, a perfect ring on my wrist. “That one.”
“How would you like me dressed?” the Devil asked in a purr.
“I do quite like that suit, but perhaps you could add a splash of color with the tie. Red might work. A good crimson. Black, white, and crimson always work well together.”
“Dressing appropriately is key to a proper seduction,” he replied, and a dark fog enveloped his body, and when it cleared, he took on a more human appearance with a snow leopard’s ears and tail, and he opted to keep his face clear of fur, with his coat starting just below his chin and covering the rest of his body. As requested, he wore a red tie. “I’ve opted to give just a little of a rough tongue for your enjoyment should you wisely opt for a more thorough exploration of your person.”
I held out my wrist for him. “You get one and only one spot. Consider it a preview of what you’re going to be missing until I’m finished with all my dirty work. If you put up a fight over being conquered, you’ll just have to wait even longer for even a chance to access more of these spots.”
“You are quite cruel,” the Devil complained, but he took hold of my hand and traced a finger along the perfect ring, flicking at my fur. “Your coat is quite plush. Much softer than I expected. I must factor in the softness of your fur into my willingness to make sacrifices to gain spot counting privileges. This is one glorious spot, but I find myself wishing to possess two glorious spots.”
“Well, you only get one spot, so enjoy it while it lasts.”
“Cruel.”
“You haven’t seen anything yet, Lucifer.”
I gave the Devil credit; he didn’t joke around examining his one allowed spot. He stroked my fur with a gentle touch, and after he satisfied himself with his first touch-based exploration, he lifted my hand to his mouth and gave the spot a single kiss. “You are far more patient than my succubi.”
I raised a brow at that, as his ten minutes of dedicated attention to a single spot promised good things later if he successfully navigated the dark waters of business before pleasure. “Once, I kept a boy company in a stairwell for three hours, and we spent most of it fencing with our tongues. Perhaps if I didn’t like that sort of thing so much, I wouldn’t be a virgin right now. If your succubi don’t enjoy the slow approach, perhaps you should train them better. You only have yourself to blame. Patience is a virtue for a reason.”
“Had patience been presented as a virtue suitable for pleasant pursuits, perhaps I would have cultivated more patience. You are a feline, and felines are curious creatures. I’ll have to account for your nature should I win a second spot. Or, perhaps, entice you with an offering?”
“Business before pleasure,” I reminded him.
“You are excessively cruel.”
“View it as a good qualification to run this place for a while. I’ll even be a fairly benevolent dictator and mostly allow you to do what you want.”
“Mostly does not mean I get to do everything I want.”
“That’s correct. For example, you do not get to count my spots.” I freed my hand from the Devil’s hold. “Once I bring my targets here, you don’t get to send them out of this joint until I’ve had my turn with them. I will allow you to critique my torture techniques, however. I figure you have to be a little decent at it.”
“A little decent? I’m the Devil. I’m the supreme master of torture techniques.”
“As I said, you’re a little decent at torture techniques.”
“You are an infuriating woman.”
“I am an infuriating woman who has what you want, so let’s get down to business. I need your place for a while. You also need to settle down and find a succubus who is willing to put up with you. You can amuse yourself with that business while I’m running the place. Your current level of sexual repression can’t be good for your health. Perhaps you’re tiring your succubi because you’re repressed and wait until you’re frustrated before joining one in bed. I feel those archangels dumped me here to knock some sense back into you. Do the bachelor seeking a bachelorette thing, try to contain yourself at least a little, and maybe you’ll find a suitable woman to become the queen of your domain.”