“That’s fair.”
All it would take was a few clicks and a couple of words for Jax Stettler to be back in my life. And that thought was terrifying.
Gandalf jumped up onto the counter, distracting me from my melodrama, and sniffed the untouched vodka tonic. He wiggled his head and sneezed.
“Gross. That one’s yours.”
“Since it’s your birthday… sure.” June walked to the counter and scratched Gandalf’s head. Picking up the drink, she asked, “Where do you want to go after dinner?”
I gave her the best puppy dog eyes I could muster. “Can we please do take out?”
“Absolutely not. Go make yourself pretty. We have a reservation at seven.”
Sulking, but secretly thankful for her nagging, I said, “Fine, but I refuse to be happy about it.”
“Sometimes I wonder if you ever hit puberty.” She smacked my ass as I walked away.
The weight on my shoulders had eased some as I got ready. I brushed my teeth, changed into my favorite pair of skinny jeans, and decided to wear the oversized, sheer white t-shirt June had given me for Christmas last year. I was applying liner when my phone vibrated on the countertop.
Unknown number: Happy Birthday, Wild.
My hands trembled as three dots appeared, and then disappeared, on the bottom of the screen. I waited a full minute for those damn dots to reappear, but they never did. I typed out three separate messages and deleted each one. Thank you. Fuck you. Lose my number.
I stared at Jax’s message, reading it over and over again, trying to imagine the sound of his husky voice saying the words.
Happy Birthday, Wild.
I’m sorry for making you feel like you weren’t every fucking thing to me.
Happy Birthday, Wild.
The love I had for you has never faded.
Happy Birthday, Wild.
I’d like to think my life would’ve been with you, but now I’ll never know.
“Ready?” June asked, startling me.
My pulse flaying, I exited out of my messages.
“As I’ll ever be.”
JAX
August was by far the hottest month in Florida, the humidity almost unbearable as I dug into the heavy dirt. Laying down a sprinkler system wasn’t easy, and when I was stuck doing it by myself, it was damn near impossible. Chuck and Jim had left about an hour ago to help out another crew with a plumbing issue, and Hudson had called in sick. Though, I figured he was probably hung over. When he wasn’t working, he was drinking. I wondered how he had any money at all to pay for rent when most of his nights were spent at the bar. I wiped the sweat from my brow with the back of my arm, internally cursing Hudson’s shitty work ethic. He had me second-guessing my choice to go to Marietta with him and Jim next month.
I set the shovel down and picked up my bottle of water. I sprayed a bit over my head before taking a long swig. The water had warmed under the sun and made my stomach feel queasy. I pulled my phone out of the back pocket of my shorts, hoping to have a text from Jim letting me know they were on their way back. It was almost lunch time, and I was stuck here without a ride. Every day I drove to the JW Construction offices and then hitched a ride in one of the company trucks. We all did. Stinking to high heaven and almost out of water, I regretted not driving myself today.
I typed out a quick message to Jim.
Me: How long till you get back?
Jim: Not sure, waiting on the plumber to get here.
Jim: Right now, we’re ripping down all the fucking drywall we hung last week.
I cringed. Materials were expensive, but time, to Jim, was priceless. He owned one of the largest construction companies in Destin. If it wasn’t for his son’s help, the business might’ve gone under a few years ago. Derrick wasn’t into hard labor, but the kid could run numbers. And he budgeted time like it was made out of gold. And with Jim taking the Marietta job, there wasn’t time for pipes to burst.
Me: Take your time.
Me: Everything will be dug up when you get back.
Jim: Don’t forget to take a break. I don’t need you getting sick too.
I sighed and scrolled through my contacts, hesitating at Ethan’s name. After that embarrassing kiss, I almost skipped going into Harley’s that next morning to give him the clothes he’d left behind to dry. Horrified at myself for losing control like I had, I was grateful when he’d acted like nothing had happened. Smiling at me like always, he hadn’t mentioned a thing. But after Hudson and Chuck left the store, he’d handed me a slip of paper with his number on it. Told me to call him when I was ready, or if I just needed to “work shit out.” Which, after his cheeks had flamed, I’d realized he didn’t mean talking about my feelings. I hadn’t ever planned to call or text him, but Jason had kept asking when we could go fishing with Ethan again. Eventually, I’d given in and told myself I was capable of having a friendship with a man I was attracted to.
Since then we’d gone fishing with Jason a couple of times. And if we did text it was mostly about Jay, and how Ethan said he would help out if I decided to go to Georgia. If my head wasn’t so far up my ass, and my heart in Wild’s hands, I could easily see myself with a guy like Ethan. He was good to Jay, and I liked that he was rough around the edges in ways Wilder wasn’t. But I’d meant it when I told him I wasn’t ready. I could want someone like him, want Wild, but it didn’t change the fact that I wasn’t able to give up my closet—my life with my family.
I wet my sun-cracked lips and called him.
“Hi,” he said, and I could hear the surprise in his tone. “What’s up?”
“You at Harley’s?” I asked, rubbing the back of my sweaty neck.
“I’m off today. Everything okay?” he asked, and I appreciated the concern in his voice.
“Jim had to run off to another property, left me here without a truck and I’m running low on water.”
“Ahh. You need a ride?” he asked.
I couldn’t tell if he was annoyed or genuinely asking.
“Kind of. But if you’re busy, I—”
“I’m not busy,” he said and chuckled. “God, I sound too eager, huh?”
I smiled and huffed out a laugh. It was nice to know I wasn’t the only one who was nervous all the damn time.
“Nah, I feel like a dick. I’m always asking you for favors.”
“Then ask me out for lunch and it won’t be a favor.”
I glanced around the empty street like an idiot. No one could hear or care what the hell we were talking about. And asking him to lunch didn’t have to be a date. He was a friend. Friends were allowed to eat lunch together.
“Lunch sounds good right about now. Air conditioning too.”
He laughed. “Are you out at Mrs. Hornsby’s place?”
“Yeah.”
“Give me about fifteen minutes?”
“I really appreciate this,” I said.
“See you in a few.”
When I ended the call, I saw an email notification. My stomach dropped and the ground became unsteady beneath my feet. It had been a week since I’d texted Wild. I’d promised myself I’d leave him alone, but when I realized it was his birthday, I couldn’t not text him. And like I’d assumed, he’d never responded. The excitement that rolled through me quickly turned into a sigh of disappointment. The email was from the property manager in Marietta letting me know the two-bedroom I’d reserved online for me and Hudson had been confirmed. I forwarded it to Jim, but before closing out of the app, I opened up the email chain I should’ve deleted weeks ago. I reread the last email Wilder had sent to me, and read the last two I’d sent him, guilt pinching at my ribs every time I took a breath. My remorse had morphed into something bigger, something I couldn’t contain as I opened up a new message and started typing.