“I did. But only if you’re still okay to help out with Jay?”
“Help? I get to hang out with Jason.”
“Are you sure, I don’t like asking you for favors all the time?”
His smile flattened. “Would you quit it? I said I would. I like being around Jay. He’s fun… I don’t know… he makes me realize how much I take for granted. Life shouldn’t be as hard as we make it.”
I probably should’ve kept the thought to myself, but I wanted his smile back where it belonged. “You’re kind of cute when you’re pissed off.”
“Don’t even look at me like that and start something you have no intention of finishing.”
I held up my hands in surrender, my grin sneaking its way across my lips. “What?”
He cut the engine, laughing as he opened the door. “Come on, you owe me a burger.”
Billy’s had a takeout window on the other side of the building, and I followed behind Ethan, feeling more like myself than I had in weeks. We ordered a couple of burger combos and took a seat at one of the tables while we waited for them to call out our order number. The red and white umbrella covered us from the sun, but not the heat.
Ethan ran a hand through his hair and caught me staring. “We should go to the beach together… with Jason, before I leave.”
“Yeah?”
“If you want?” I asked.
“Absolutely.”
“Order number seventy-five,” a shrill voice echoed over the intercom.
Ethan and I stood at the same time. “I got it,” he said.
“Thanks.”
As he walked away, my phone chimed in my pocket. I figured it was Jim telling me he was on his way back. But when I unlocked the screen, I had an email waiting. I tried to tamp down any sort of expectation that it might be Wild and was completely blindsided when it was actually him. I shot a quick glance at Ethan waiting in line to pick up our order before I opened the message.
FROM: [email protected]
Date: Aug 23 1:34 PM
SUBJECT: RE: Pushing my luck
Jax,
I read your emails, and I got your apology. What happened to your family, it’s awful, and my heart hurts for you, for your mom, and Jason. I wish I could’ve been there for you. But you never gave me the chance. I wish you could’ve seen how much it hurt me when you disappeared. It was like you died. And for all intents and purposes, you had died.
I don’t know what to say to a ghost. And I can’t help with your guilt or your regrets. Regrets are for cowards. It has always been my belief you should chase after the things you want with actions, not words. There is no such thing as never meant to be.
So, this apology… not accepted…
Love always,
Wild~
My pulse raced as I read between the lines he’d written.
Love always, Wild.
This apology.
Chase after the things you want.
Did he want me to fight for him?
No such thing as never meant to be.
“You okay?” Ethan asked, setting our tray on the table.
I wanted to separate the love I had for Wild from all the terrible shit that had happened to me. I wanted to stop the growing attraction I had for Ethan. I wanted to fight for Wild. I wanted to fight for myself. And most of all, I wanted to stop feeling so goddamn selfish for wanting any of those things in the first place.
“Yeah,” I held up my phone. “Just an update on the Georgia trip.”
He handed me my drink. “I think it will be good for you… to get away. Take some time for yourself and figure out what you want.”
“I think so too.”
Except I already knew what I wanted. And this time I’d make sure I didn’t mess it up.
JAX
The Saturday sun low in the sky didn’t quite touch the horizon, reminding me I couldn’t stay like this, floating in the ocean, forever. I could hear Jason chatting away with Ethan on the shoreline. I’d left them to their three-story sandcastle and took a moment to center myself. I would miss these lazy moments with my brother, the saltwater on my skin, and the way an afternoon could fade without it feeling like any time had passed at all. With my eyes closed and the water holding me steady, I could pretend like my life here was as it should be. But then I thought about Marietta, and Wild, and the peaceful calm I’d created washed out with the seaweed. I hadn’t emailed Wilder back, unsure of what to say. I wanted to wait until I was there to contact him again, but I worried if I put too much distance between us, the sliver of a chance I thought he’d given me could disappear. But if I pushed too hard, he might pull away again. The sudden quiet distracted me from my thoughts. I opened my eyes to find Jason, alone, hovered over his masterpiece, adding pieces of shells to his castle. My feet touched the sandy bottom of the Gulf, the water only up to my shoulders, and I scanned the beach for Ethan. I never let myself drift too far from shore, wanting my brother in my line of sight at all times. Pissed Ethan had left him while I wasn’t paying attention, I started toward the shore when Ethan surfaced a few feet in front of me.
“Shit,” I said, my earlier aggravation apparent in my tone. “I thought you left Jay alone, I was pissed for a second.”
He pushed his wet hair from his face, slicking it back with his fingers. “Sorry about that.”
Droplets of water clung to his lips as he smiled. I liked that his right front tooth overlapped the left. If I was being real with myself, I liked a lot of things about Ethan. But none of it mattered. I had too much shit going on to lend out anymore pieces of myself to anyone other than Wild. I had to leave in less than a week, and all I could think about was the possibility of seeing him again.
“We should head home soon,” I said. “It’ll be dark before you know it.”
He waded toward me, leaving little space between us. “The best time to swim is at night.”
“If you wanna get eaten by a shark.”
“You’re afraid of sharks?” He laughed, and his fingers grazed my hip under the water.
I rubbed away the goosebumps on my arm. “Not really, just getting bit by one.”
“That’s the same thing,” he said, and I couldn’t help the laugh that bubbled up in my chest.
I shook my head, trying to contain my smile. “Everybody knows you shouldn’t go in the water at night.”
He pointed toward the pink and orange horizon. “Dusk is more dangerous.”
I didn’t know if that was true or not, but it freaked me out anyway. “Are you messing with me?”
His smile grew and I realized I’d unconsciously moved closer to him. “Unfortunately, it’s true. Early morning isn’t safe either.”
Ethan reached up and brushed a wet strand of hair from my forehead, letting the tips of his fingers linger on my cheek. My breath hitched as I pulled back, looking toward the shore. Jason stood with his feet in the water, watching us. Pressure lodged itself inside my chest.
“We better go,” I said, and ignored the way Ethan’s smile fell as I swam back to the beach.