Simon and I arrived at Burger and Lobster around seven-thirty p.m. The car journey was quiet, like Simon had a million and one things running through his mind.
I tried to make conversation:
‘Babe, how was your day?’
‘Fine.’
‘What did you do?’
‘Nothing.’
That’s how static the conversation was so I decided to just leave him alone. When we arrived at the restaurant Simon requested a table near the door. This would be his pattern. I eventually realised that this was his way of always knowing his surroundings and who was coming in and out. That night would be a big eye opener into Simon’s world.
The meal was nice. I was annoyed because Simon ordered my food and when I protested that I wanted something different, he had this look in his eye that dared me to say another word. As you can guess, Simon was the possessive type and hated for anyone to disobey him. Another warning sign into the type of guy he was.
‘I ask myself now, was I so desperate for a relationship that I allowed this man to take advantage of me? Was I missing the love that my daddy used to shower me with?’
On a scale of one to ten, the date was probably three or four. There was nothing to it. We had more fun just hanging around with each in my house or his car. He seems more relaxed in those environments. Simon seemed to be on edge tonight consistently checking his surroundings. This was a different side to Simon that I didn’t like, nor did I enjoy his company.
The ride back home was the same static. Just silence. Until a random car pulled beside us at the traffic light. I didn’t notice the car at first as the car had pulled up beside Simon’s driver’s side. The car had blacked out windows so you couldn’t see the driver.
It all happened so quickly. As we were waiting for the lights to change green, the driver had slowly rolled his window down and started shooting at Simon. The first bullet grazed Simon’s arm. The second bullet just missed his head. I ducked down and was silently praying;
‘Heavenly father, I come to you in fear and ask that you cover us with the blood of Jesus and deliver us from harm.’
Simon put his foot down and drove like he was a speed racer — the other car didn’t follow. Something in my gut told me that this had something to do with what Chanel had told me a few weeks ago.
Chanel had popped round one day because some random guy had told her to pass on a message to me to give to Simon about him paying the money he owed. When Chanel first told me, I played it off. However, I did tell Simon and he gave the excuse that they must have got him mixed up with someone else. At the time, I didn’t question it, I just left it.
But now my life was in danger because of whatever he was into and I needed answers, no more lies. If I was going to be with this man I wanted to know the real Simon Patterson.
Simon dropped me home and his only response to the events that we had just encountered was:
‘Dee, you OK?’
‘Simon, what the fuck was that? And you’re bleeding.’
‘Dee, don’t worry about me, the bullet just grazed me.’
‘Simon, I asked what the fuck was that?’
‘Dee, this is not the time. I will holla at you later.’
‘Are you being for real?’
‘Dee, I will message you in a bit.’
Is that all this motherfucker has to say? My life was put in danger because of him and he wants to play MR I’m too cool at this moment… Like, for REAL!
“I should have walked away. I had all the signs and now I was starting to put all the pieces together. Simon was into something dangerous that nearly cost him his life and mine as well. I was starting to realise that being with Simon Patterson was not going to be all roses… I had an adrenaline rush and this part of his life excited me.’
Never look for excitement that puts your health/livelihood in jeopardy or compromises your safety. Value yourself enough to know what is FOR YOU AND WHAT IS NOT!
The day after the Aftermath!
To say that I didn’t get any sleep would be understatement. I was so worried about Simon and I kept ringing. My call log so far read seventy calls to Simon. His phone was going straight to voicemail. It was killing me not knowing if he was ok! I wanted to call Chanel and tell her the madness that had occurred but I couldn’t face hearing her say:
‘I told you Simon was no good.’
I wasn’t ready to hear that. This was the moment that I started hiding the truth from Chanel and I hated myself for it because we told each other everything and now I was keeping secrets for a boy I hadn’t known for five minutes.
‘If you have to lie to hide his truth, it’s NOT LOVE.
If he hides the truth from you, it’s NOT LOVE.
If he puts your life in danger, it’s NOT LOVE — Learn to LOVE yourself first, so you know what REAL LOVE LOOKS LIKE LADIES.’
Why is it that I can read these poems but not relate it to my life. The author, Wisdom of Pearls, was literally screaming to my soul, trying to tell me to let Simon go. Instead, I pretended like it was not relevant to my life.
I spent the next day anxious, afraid and very frightened. I still had not heard from Simon and this was starting to piss me off. His first priority should have been to contact me and explain what had happen the night before.
Simon finally decided to call at ten p.m.
‘Hey, Dee, what you up?’
‘Pardon, Simon. Have you seen how many times I tried to ring you? And all you have to say is hey Dee. Are you smoking crack or something?’
Simon chuckled like I had said something funny. I was not amused with his nonchalant attitude. He was being real cocky and it was a turn off.
‘Dee, I’m coming round. I will be at yours in ten minutes’
Simon was not asking if he could come round. Instead he was telling me this is how he operated, even when he was in the wrong.
Simon called to say he was outside. I went out to his car. Simon was dressed in a simple black tracksuit and he had on a fitted Nike hat. He was looking sexy as fuck but I was still pissed with him.
‘Simon, what happened last night?’
‘Dee, I just got caught up with some bad dudes, but it’s sorted now.’
‘Errm, what kind of lame explanation is that? There is more to that story.’
‘Like I said, it’s sorted. You don’t have to worry.’
‘How can you be so blasé about this? Someone tried to kill you last night.’
‘Did they succeed? No, so stop tripping now. You’re starting to get on my nerves. Furthermore, I have things to do. I will message you in a bit.’
I felt I was fighting a battle with Simon on basic communication that I was losing. With Simon, what he said goes, and that’s it, and if you didn’t like it then you could leave. Simon is not the begging type and I know that and he could replace me with another girl that easy.
But still I wanted to be with him. I hated the person I was becoming — seeking a man’s approval, compromising my integrity, my morals and what I believed was right and wrong. I made it my mission to find out exactly what Simon was into. This way, I could decide if I wanted to be with him or not.
See, why did I need to know what Simon was into? His behaviour and attitude should have been enough for me to say he’s not the ONE!