“Actually, he’s American, he works on his family’s cattle ranch, which is just outside of Austin in Texas. We’re doing the long distance thing for a bit.” He is looking at me open mouthed as is everyone else before he finally speaks.
“Wow that is so cool, have you been to the ranch?” He can’t just bloody leave it.
“It is pretty cool, he is a real life cowboy and I actually spent the summer there before leaving a few days ago. I was offered a job in the local high school there so that’s an option for me for the future.” Beth takes the opportunity to jump in there and rescue me, telling me she doesn’t want to lose me yet and she knows, for a fact, that I wouldn’t like teaching in America apparently, which everyone finds amusing.
The rest of the day passed by in a flash and I must say I’m pleased that it’s a Friday. I end up going for another glass of wine with Beth after work and really begin to enjoy her company as we talk about other members of staff, she told me the perverts to avoid and which Kids were known troublemakers.
Arriving home at just after 5 o’clock, dinner is being served. I’m feeling a little queasy after the glass of wine I had so I don’t eat much. Ruby asks me to go to the local pub with her, which I decline, due to not feeling well and as I don’t have any marking to do yet I sit down to enjoy an evening with my parents in front of the T.V.
At about 10 o’clock the phone starts ringing, my mum jumps up and goes to answer it. She comes back in a few seconds later, looking a little pale and tells me that it’s somebody asking to speak to me. Walking out to the kitchen where the phone is, I’m suddenly a bit nervous. Picking the phone up I eventually speak.
“Hello?” I hear deep breathing on the other end and I’m instantly on alert.
“Lucille?” I’d know that voice anywhere, pain slices through my heart instantly.
“Kenni, why are you ringing me?” He waits a few seconds before answering and it breaks my heart to think of him suffering.
“What the fuck do you mean, why am I calling you, Isn’t that fucking obvious? I think if my wife does a disappearing act on me I have every fucking right to chase her down, don’t you?” Well he’s clearly still mad with me.
“Kenni please don’t shout at me like that.” I can feel tears threatening.
“Don’t shout at you, I want to do more than that, I feel like ringing your god damn neck.” I have never heard him like this.
“I made a mistake.” I whisper into the phone.
“NO, whatever has happened, don’t ever say we’re a mistake. I know you still love me Luci, I miss you so much, please come home to me, we can’t make this work if you’re not here.” Why does he have to make this so hard for me? The scary thing is, half of me wants to jump on the next plane home, back to him.
“I can’t do that Kenni, even if I wanted to. I’ve just started a new job and I can’t leave them in the lurch.” It’s the truth.
“Let’s not talk about leaving Luci. You walked out on me in the middle of the fucking night, without one word, you never even told me you weren’t happy. How will our marriage work if you don’t fucking communicate with me?” Looking up I see my mum and dad have come into the room, obviously alerted by the raised voices. I didn’t realise until that point, but tears are now falling from my eyes.
“I’m not coming back Kenni.” I say with an air of finality, but I’m dying on the inside.
“This is the last time I will chase you Luci, you can come to me next and that includes if you want a divorce because I will never ask you for one. I’ll be right here waiting for you to come back to me.” With that, he hangs up and I break down. My dad looks like he’s on the verge of saying something but I know whatever it is, is going to upset me.
“Spit it out dad, I can’t feel much worse than I already do.” He looks at my mum who shakes her head, but he says it anyway.
“I love you darling but surely you can see you had that coming?” I know he’s right which is why the comment doesn’t offend me, I nod my head and break down even more because I know I have broken Kenni’s heart and I never wanted to do that, if the truth be told I’ve broken my own heart as well.
After that I go to my room and look through the photos of us both together until I pass out through sheer exhaustion.
I wake up the next morning determined to move on from last night and leave the phone call behind me. As today is Saturday, I have arranged for me and Ruby to go into town together to do some shopping. Mum and dad are still quiet with me when I go downstairs for breakfast.
I really hope things settle back to what they were; last night’s phone call seems to have unsettled everyone. I drive into town with Ruby and park up.
We go into a few shops and bump into a mutual friend of ours who invites us out for the night in town, after some persuasion, mostly from Ruby we decide to say what the hell and arrange to meet them later.
A couple of hours later I have brought a couple of new outfits for work and we have eaten lunch and we’re sat drinking a coffee. Ruby looks up at me and I know what she is going to say before she has even opened her mouth.
“How’re you feeling being home?” I sit and consider her question for few seconds longer then I intended before answering her.
“To be honest Rubes I’m dealing with it, I’m adult enough to admit I made a huge mistake. I was caught up in the moment but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss him.” She is quietly nodding her head as I speak, actually listening to what I’m saying before giving me her opinion so I carry on.
“Last night he phoned the house and spoke to me and he is so angry with me. It broke my heart to hear how broken he sounded. He said he would never divorce me, god I hadn’t even thought about that until he said it, I can’t afford to divorce him and how the hell does that all work in America anyway? And the thought of him with other women infuriates me, even though I know I have no right to that jealousy, I can’t help but think it.” She has sat there patiently listening to me allowing me to spiel my guts and I am very grateful, looking up I see her deep in thought, she eventually speaks.
“Luci whatever you believe know one thing, you two were never a mistake and you’re perfect for each other. Taking aside the other issues you have, you’re clearly compatible, you gave him your virginity and you can’t regret that. I’m not sure what to say going forward but all I will say is take some time, enjoy yourself and have some fun, starting tonight.” That seems to cut the conversation and we head home to get ready for this evening.
I decide to wear one of the dresses I brought in America out this evening. Caleb is out in town with his friends tonight so he insists we check in with him regularly throughout the night. This will be the last night out with Ruby before she heads back to University, so I’m determined to enjoy myself.
My brother’s friends are all meeting at our house so we can all get a taxi together, from here. As I head down the stairs I hear the usual banter of Caleb’s friends and taking a deep breath I head into the kitchen where they all are.
Only to be met with catcalling and whistling, much to Caleb’s displeasure. Feeling shy I busy myself getting a glass of wine.