I laugh at that and shake my head. “I’m nothing special, and I should have told you. I’m sorry. I wasn’t sure if you were actually flirting with me or not.”
“Really? Then I need to up my game because I’m pretty sure I was coming on strong.”
I shrug. “I didn’t want to assume.”
She smiles shyly. “So, that hottie that you’ve been sneaking in and out of here?” Her eyebrows raise. “Boyfriend?”
Nolan.
I smile, just thinking about him.
“No.” Her eyebrows dart higher.
“No?”
“We’re just friends.” The words taste wrong for some reason. But that’s what I wanted. Friends. I mean, I wanted sex too, but I respect his boundaries.
She’s searching my face now with her eyes. “Hmmm, is he single?”
I bark out a laugh. “You’re something else.”
She doesn’t seem to take offense, just shrugging her shoulders and smiling big. “Hey, it’s rough out there. And I just found out the hottie I’ve been after for months doesn’t play for my team. I’m on the rebound.”
I like her, I mean, now that she’s not trying to get in my pants and everything is out in the open. I really do. “Yeah, he doesn’t play for your team either.”
“Well, fuck a duck.” I laugh and shake my head again.
“Sorry.”
“So he plays for your team. Is insanely hot. And is over here all the time. Why haven’t you snagged him yet?”
I really need to get to work, but the conversation is oddly nice. “I’m not looking for anything serious, and he is.”
Her nose scrunches up now as she crosses her arms. “Are you kidding me? You’re a dad. You scream commitment.”
“I’m a dad, and that’s all I have time for.”
She waves me off, dropping her arms to her sides. “That’s bullshit. There are a ton of people who have kids and do the relationship thing just fine.”
My heart pangs with guilt as Heather flashes through my mind. “Yeah, well. I can’t.”
Her face softens, and I see a hint of pity there as she thankfully drops it. “Okay, so Mr. Hottie with the insane muscles . . . Does he only play for your team or does he like to switch it up?”
I laugh again, it coming more easily than I expect. Before I moved here, the only time I really laughed was when I was playing with Hailey. “He has described himself as ‘super gay.’”
She giggles. “Ha. I like that.”
I smile, the dopey smile I always get on my face when I think about Nolan. “Me too.”
“You guys would be so hot together.” She holds up her hands in defense before I say anything. “I’m just saying.”
“Thanks, Emily. And thank you for putting her on the bus for me.”
“I love that kid.” She grins. “And I think I’m starting to grow on her too.”
I nod as I open the front door to my place. “I think you are.”
We say our goodbyes, and I head off to work, feeling a little lighter. I’ve been out for a while, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t bugging me not just outright saying it to Emily. Now that it’s out in the open, I feel good. Freer.
And it feels really damn good having a conversation about being gay that isn’t laced with disgust or people asking me to hide it. Conversations with my parents, Heather, and Heather’s parents flash through my mind, but they’re starting to be replaced by better things. By memories of Nolan and his family. Of Gavin. Of Jake and his boyfriend. The people at Glitter. Aunt Jo. Emily.
I smile as I drive to work.
It feels really damn good.
* * *
So Rafe and I doing the “just friends” thing has actually worked out better than I thought. Do I still catch myself staring at him, missing the taste of his lips? Yeah. All the time. But it’s getting easier. And I really do care about him.
It’s not about trying to fix or heal him. It’s just . . . I actually like being in his presence. I like seeing him smile and listening to his baseball commentary even though I’m pretty much just a football guy. I love hanging out with him and Hailey on lazy weekends, going to the park or the zoo or sometimes just hanging out at their place and playing Barbies.
We work as friends.
Who knew?
Usually when I get out of a relationship, I’m so beyond done with that person, I can’t even stand the sound of their name—even when it’s not applied to them. But with Rafe . . . it’s different.
It’s March now, and Rafe volunteered to go with our class to Science City for a field trip. The kids are hyped-up and having a blast, running around the children’s science museum. Their faces are all lit up, and they’re all wearing green shirts so we can keep track of them.
Rafe is one of four parent volunteers, and it’s been fun spending the day with him like this, I can’t deny it. “How are they not worn out?”
I laugh as he watches the kids run around the big room focused on dinosaurs, super excited as they pretend to dig for dinosaur bones. “They will be. But right now, they’re too excited.”
Rafe sticks his hands in his pockets and looks around. “Yeah, this place is pretty cool.”
“Never been before?”
He shakes his head. “Nope. But look at Hailey.”
I follow his eyes to where Hailey is playing with Chrissie and Madeline, digging in the sand and giggling. I smile when I see how much fun she and all the kids are having. “Field trip days are fun.”
We take a seat on one of the many benches at the edge of the room to observe the kids but let them do their own thing. Rafe stretches his long legs out in front of him. “So, how’s the dating thing going?”
We haven’t really talked about me dating or about anything that happened between us since we decided to just be friends. It’s felt safer that way, and I’m surprised he’s bringing it up. “We really don’t need to talk about that, do we?”
He turns his head to look at me, his expression earnest. “We’re friends. I care about your dating life.”
He just doesn’t want to date me. I try not to feel bitter and push it away as I shrug my shoulders. I look back at the kids, using them as a distraction, but also needing to keep an eye on them. “I haven’t gone out on a date yet, but there’s a guy I’ve been talking to.”
“Yeah?” He doesn’t seem all that interested, but I think he’s trying. Neither of us looks at each other. “Where did you meet him?”
“On a dating app. I haven’t met him yet. We’ve just been talking.”
He turns to me, and I can feel his concern, but I don’t face him. “An app? Isn’t that dangerous?”
“No more dangerous than a club or anywhere else you meet a stranger. Hell, it’s safer at first anyway. We’ve just been writing back and forth.”
“So, he could be lying about who he is. At least, when you meet someone at a club, you can see them.”
I don’t want to argue with him on a field trip, I know it’s inappropriate. “You can know someone for years and not ever really know them, Rafe.”