“Cash has always been reckless.”
“It’s more than that, Harley. It’s way more than that. He’s not in a good place, and I can tell it’s been that way for a long time.”
“He has everythin’ he’s ever wanted, Journey.”
“He doesn’t have you or his daughter, not to mention his family. He has no one, and he thinks it’s for the best.”
“Journey, what are you doin’ wit’ him? Did you go to his concert lookin’ for him?”
I nodded.
“Wow.”
“I care about him, a lot, and I know you still do.”
“You don’t know what you’re sayin’. Cash might as well be a stranger to me. I don’t know that man anymore, and maybe I never did.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Do you have any idea how hard it’s been for me all these years? I see him in Bailey every single day. She’s a constant reminder of a man I thought was my best friend.”
“Har—”
“No. I don’t want to hear anymore. Cash didn’t just hurt me, Journey. He broke me.”
Three little words. Just three little words.
That I’d be saying...
One day too.
Chapter 9
“Despite everything. No one can dictate who you are to other people.”
-Prince
<>Journey<>
I sat by the pool at Bailey’s birthday party, alone with my feet dangling in the water. The repercussions from my poor choices swallowing me whole and eating me alive.
“Mija,” Mom stated in a concerned Spanish tone, already in tune with what I was experiencing. Camila wasn’t my biological mother, but she felt me in ways that proved science wrong. Like a mother’s sixth sense. She sat beside me and put her feet in the water as well, getting straight to the point. “Journey, why did you bring Cash back here?”
“You saw?”
She nodded.
“How much did you see?”
“Enough.”
“How much do you know?”
“Enough.”
Her eyes moved toward the huge bay window of the living room. Where Bailey was inside, singing with a pretend microphone in her hand and dancing with her friends.
Mom bumped my shoulder with hers. “Blood doesn’t make someone a parent, Journey. You, more than anyone else, are aware of that.”
“I don’t want to talk about her,” I countered, referring to my biological mother.
“You never want to talk about her. Since the first time I tried explaining to you who she was, you shut her out. It’s only a matter of time before it catches up with you, Mija.”
“I brought Cash back because he has the right to be in Bailey’s life.”
“That’s not your decision to make.”
“Nothing in my life has been my decision. I didn’t ask to be born, but selfishly, on account of Bailey, here I am trying to help Cash before it’s too late.”
“Jour—”
“He’s in deep. You saw him. You know Cash. I don’t want to lose the man, not when I just found him again.”
Brushing the hair away from my face, she took in my words for a few seconds. “When I told you to go find him, I didn’t know what your true intentions were, Journey. I’ve always wanted you to live your life to the fullest, but what you did today hurt your brother more than I’ve ever seen him hurt before. This isn’t just about Cash. It involves four people’s lives. One of which is a nine-year-old little girl who doesn’t know anyone but Jackson. Think about her.”
“I am. Bailey can have more love, more support, more everything with Cash in her life. What’s wrong with that?”
“There’s nothing wrong with that. I believe they can make it work when they’re ready. You can’t force it like you did this afternoon, Mija.”
She was right, and I learned my lesson today at Cash, Harley, and Jackson’s expense. “You’re making me feel worse than I already do.”
“The truth hurts more than anything else.”
“Don’t I know it.” My emotions getting the best of me, I stressed, “I can’t let him go,” with tears in my eyes. “Mom, I’ve loved him my whole life.”
“I know. I still remember the day you asked me to take you to a guitar store to buy him something. At the time, I thought it was an innocent crush. I didn’t think much of it. He was your babysitter who was sweet to you. It’d be hard for any little girl not to develop their first crush on the boy who sang to her. You guys would get lost for hours, listening to music. He’d sing, and you’d dance. It was harmless.” She shrugged. “After he left, I thought you’d forget all about him, but you never did. If anything, you remembered him more. I always knew you’d reach a point when you’d want to find him again. It’s why I agreed as long as it didn’t interrupt your schooling.”
I smiled. My mom was by far the most supportive person in my life. She always had been, always would be.
“Of course, you found a way to get the school on board for you to do exactly that. I’d expect nothing less from you. You’re smart, just like your daddy. You all are. He has those genius genes.”
“I’m going to find him again.”
“Journey, I don’t like this. I don’t like this one bit. It’s obvious he has much bigger problems.”
“That’s why I need to help him.”
“I can’t tell you how to live your life.” She sighed heavily, caressing the side of my cheek. “You’re an adult, and you’ve always been an old soul, Journey. Wise beyond your years. I’m trusting you to make the right decisions. Please don’t make me regret that.”
“I won’t. I promise.”
Pulling me into a hug, she added, “I’m here if you need anything. I don’t care what time it is or where you are, I’m here.”
“I know. Thank you for understanding, Mom.”
She pulled away, grabbing ahold of my chin. “From the first time I stepped foot into your house when you were only six months old, I loved you. I wanted to help you and your brothers. The feeling didn’t change when I met your father. Instantly, I wanted to help him too. I understand how powerful that emotion can be. I went through it myself.”
“You were soul mates.”
“We are.”
“Cash is my soulmate. I know it. I feel it. I’ve always felt it.”
“I hope you’re right. I want to hear from you every day, Journey Pierce.”
“You will, I promise.” Unable to hold back, I asked what I wanted to know since the beginning of this conversation. “Are you going to tell Dad the truth about Bailey?”
“He already knows.”
“What?”
“Mija, parents know more than kids give us credit for. Dylan and Aubrey are close to Bailey. Why do you think that is?”
“Oh.” They had a special relationship with her also. I didn’t put two and two together. “So they know too?”
“I’m assuming.”
She changed the subject. “You need to go talk to your brother before you leave. Make things right. Don’t let Cash come between the bond you’ve always had with Jackson.”