“Nope. Even when I’d try to sneak in OB would catch me before I ever hit the door.” I giggle at the memories off that. He would give me this look that was supposed to be lethal, but I always laughed until he laughed with me.
“I’m not the best dad in the world, Dez. I don’t know how to be. I never had a dad growin’ up and the guys my mom was with weren’t that nice to me. They beat on me a lot and until I was old enough to defend myself, I let them. After that, I didn’t take shit.”
I’m surprised that he’s sharing this with me. This is probably the most we have talked since he came to get me. “I didn’t know.”
“I didn’t tell you. There’s a lot I didn’t tell you, and I regret that. I didn’t want kids, Dez not in this life. You came anyway and I tried like hell to be a good dad when you were born. I used to hold you and talk to you, tell you about my day, but as you got older, I saw what was right in front of me. I saw the danger and I was a selfish fucker but with good reason. I only wanted to keep you at a distance, sweetheart. I didn’t want you gettin’ hurt, and in the end, I’m the one that hurt you the most.”
Tears stream down my cheeks as I listen to his version of an apology. I never thought I’d hear it but there it is.
“I thought you hated me,” I sob. Dad stands from his chair pulling me from mine and into his strong arms.
“Never hated you, Dez. I just wanted better for you. I thought when she left with you, you would find a better life. I fucked that up, baby girl. I’m sorry. So damn sorry,” he says into the top of my hair. I cry harder as he keeps me wrapped up in his arms.
“What do we do now?” I ask when I pull back and look up at him. he reaches up and wipes my eyes with a smile on his face.
“Now we take care of this mess you’re in and we move on. I can’t make promises, Dezzy. I’m not that kind of guy but I’m gonna do my best to better. I want to know my daughter. I want to be the dad I haven’t been in so long as long as I’m not too late.” I can hear the sadness in his tone as I smile up at him.
“You’re not too late. I’m sorry I’ve been giving you hell.”
“You wouldn’t be my kid if you didn’t,” he chuckles. “We need to talk about the drugs, Dez.”
“I have been thinking about that too. I’m going to try – I really want to. I want that relationship with you. I’ve missed you.”
“God, I missed you too,” he says hugging me once more.
“Let’s go see what kind of shit we can start out there with OB,” he chuckles.
“Sounds good but I need to do something first.” He nods his head and lets me leave the office. I head straight down the hall to my room grabbing the little black bag in my hand. Looking down at it, it holds everything from my past. Every single thought, memory. It’s all there. Turning on my heal, I head back into the main room and find Gauge still sitting where I left him. I walk right up to him, slamming the bag on the table in front of him. Those gorgeous blue eyes move to meet mine.
“What’s this?”
“This is me trying.”
Slowly a smile curls his lips when he grabs me and pulls me into his lap. His lips crash into mine and I’m lost in the feeling he gives me. Not a void, not emptiness. Just full.
Nineteen
Gauge
She’s giving me what I asked her for and it pisses me off that I can’t do the same. I kiss her back never the less. She needs to feel and I want to be the one to give her that regardless of my fuck ups.
“My dad is going to see us,” she whispers trying to pull out my arms. I don’t let, I just hold on tighter.
“Yeah, that talk already happened,” I insure her. She pulls back and looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. I just chuckle.
“He didn’t say anything?”
“Oh, he had a lot to say, darlin’ but I said my part as well. Just like I told you, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know if I should do this but for now, I can be here.”
“I get it, Gauge, I do but if I’m trying, I expect the same from you,” she says. I let the idea of us roll around in this drunken head of mine but when I look into her eyes, I know she needs me.
“I’ll try. I make no promises, Dez. I’m fucked up and the shit you do, I can’t deal with it.”
“I know.”
“So, no drugs. What are you gonna do now?” I tease her, running my lips along her neck.
“I have an idea,” she whispers.
“Tell me.”
“I want you to take me to your room.”
“You tired?” I tease her a little more.
“I want you to make me feel, Gauge. I want to feel you all over my body. I want; no I need to feel the weight of you on top of me so that I know you’re real.” My cock responds pressing into her. Her mouth comes back to mine and I lose it. I stand in my drunken state and lift her in my arms, carrying her down the hallway. The taste of the beer on her tongue seeps into my pores.
“Gauge,” she moans my name as I kick the bedroom door closed behind us. My lips dance over skin, sucking and licking and leaving my mark. Dez grinds against me and I nearly explode.
“Tell me what you want, Dez,” I tell her when I pull back and set her on her feet. She looks up me with that heated stare making my heart melt a little more for her. I move to strip out of my clothes, grabbing a condom as I go. Dez strips slowly yet seductively in front of me. When she stands there naked, I suck in a breath. She’s perfect. She moves toward me, reaching for me. I grab her hand before she can touch me listening to the whine that escapes her throat.
“Put the other one up there,” I tell her as I walk her back until she hits the wall. She raises her hand and I clasp it in mine with the other. I take a step back, keeping her arms above her head as I take her in.
“So fuckin’ perfect,” I murmur before lowering my head and sucking her nipple into my mouth. I bite down hard, needing her let me in and help her. She gasps when I move to the other doing the same thing. I kiss between her tits and up her neck sucking her flesh back into my mouth. I know that I’m marking her skin, and for some fucked up reason it turns me on even more. Spinning her around, I press her body against the wall with mine, letting her hands free.
“Tell me, Dez. Who can make you feel more than me?” I tease her ass with my cock listening to her moan and whimper.
“No one.”
“That’s not good enough. Who do you belong to?” I ask her, kicking her legs apart with one of mine.
“You, Gauge,” she breathes.
“Who’s gonna make you scream?” Shifting so I can get a grip on her ass, I grab it in my hands and yank her back away from the wall. I press my hand on her back, making her bend forward.
“Keep your hands on that wall, Dezzy,” I warn her.
She places her hands on the wall as I run my hands over her round ass. I groan as I look down at my hands on her body. Her perfectly soft flesh against my tattooed and scared hands. It’s the most erotic fucking thing I’ve ever seen. I lean over her back and kiss her shoulder loving the way she shivers from the contact. Dragging my tongue down her spine, I stop to suck her skin into my mouth. She whines and I can’t hold back anymore. I grip her hips and position myself right before I plunge into her. Holding her hips so tightly I know they’ll bruise, I thrust into her hard.